Food Jokes Novels & Stories

Jeyla had always felt like a prisoner since her mother had died. Her step father abused her, and she had to work extra hours at a bar, just to put some food on the table. Then came along her childhood friend Simon, who is now a multi billionaire. What happens when she ends up being indirectly sold into a contract marriage with him? Is he just what she needs, the saviour, or will he too treat her like she is just a worthless object?

Scott had always hated humans ever since the begining of his existence. He believed that they were only good for one thing... As food bags. Alijah was the average human girl who loved her lonely life and prefered peace to every other thing. Her life turned around when she became involved with Scott, a man who seemed to hate her gut for no reason. Some harsh truth became open and Scott was left with no choice than to either become a forced bodyguard or let the entire vampire race be vanquished.

For as long as I can remember, my family and I have been living in an underground basement that's completely shut off from the outside world. My parents have told me that the zombie apocalypse is terrorizing the outside world. The air is completely plagued with the zombie virus, and we'll die if we ever leave the basement. In order to save the supplies—which are already dwindling, to begin with—I've starved myself to the point I'm all skin and bones despite being only 18 years old. When I realize that there's only one last can of food left, I leave behind a suicide note. "Mom, Dad, now there's one less mouth to feed. You'll last a few more days." After that, I slit my wrist right away. Once I'm dead, my soul phases through the thick and heavy metal door. Bright sunlight illuminates the entire world. It's a beautiful, peaceful world filled with greenery. I can even hear birds chirping in the distance. Mom, Dad, and a bunch of people are throwing a barbecue party on the lawn. The mouth-watering smell of food being grilled permeates the air. So, it turns out that the zombie apocalypse is just a lie that's designated to trap me inside the fortress. I'm the only one who has died in this sunny, peaceful world.

My boyfriend stole my last food and fuel, abandoned me to a zombie horde, and ran off with his mistress. Then I woke up three months before the apocalypse. This time, I’m taking everything for myself. Armed with memories of the future and a mysterious Level-Up System, I escape to the mountains, build a fortress, recruit dangerous allies, and carve out a kingdom in the ruins of the world. Now the man who betrayed me wants forgiveness. Unfortunately for him, I’ve become far more dangerous than the undead.

Eleanor always wanted a fresh start. She was raised in the mafia and was constantly exposed to guns, death, and blood. On the night she is kidnapped by an infamous Don, she manages to escape. But instead of going back to her old life, she decides to start a new one. She runs into the city of Rome and her true passion and love for food are sparked. When she meets Dante Santa Cruz, she no longer believes that anything can return her to the world she fled. But how could she forget that she was the daughter of the mad queen?

On my fifth year anniversary, the first two things I receive are two bills for water and electricity. My wife, Whitney Chapman, comes home at a late hour. She's carrying a food container that's filled with food that has gone cold. "Sorry, I was dealing with an extremely difficult client. I can only make it up to you with supper." She puts down the container before walking into the bathroom. While she doesn't reek of alcohol, there's dust coating the hem of her windbreaker. I call Whitney's secretary, only to find out that she has not been to the company today. A second before I end the call, the secretary adds, "By the way, Mr. Spencer, the new warehouse manager, Maxwell Clarke, was also absent from work today." Maxwell Clarke? The illegitimate child who brings nothing but shame to the Spencer family? What a big coincidence… or was it? I quickly contact the property manager of the villa based on the bills I've received. "A father-and-son duo have just moved into the villa last month." The manager then sends the list of inhabitants to me. The name listed is also Maxwell Clarke. This villa happens to be a property my father left for me back when Whitney and I first got married. Since it's too far from the city, I've left it vacant all this time because I wanted to reserve it as a villa meant for vacation purposes. Now, the people I hate are the ones living in that villa.

Onerea is a place that you can find only in dreams. In that place, you can exchange your dream energy for things like food and accommodation. You can also enter the Mirrors, places in the outskirts of the city, where there are portal doors that will let you enter a dream within that Dreamworld. In a place like that, Annabelle Archer, a 25-year-old woman who, in real life, has serious heart disease, meets Dominik, who will be her guide through the mirrors, and maybe something else, but what could happen with a person that lives in a floating city within a dream?

In Black Salt, love is a sickness you can’t hide—a slow gnawing beneath the skin that leaves you hollowed, grayed, and eventually gone. No one stays long enough to see it through; they leave before the rot finishes its work. It’s what the town teaches you: when it starts, you run. You look away. You survive by pretending not to feel. But Atlas is tired of pretending. The halls of Black Salt High are full of kids pretending they don’t see each other’s bruised hearts, pretending their bones aren’t already whispering warnings. Still, he can’t forget the weight of a father who stayed—not out of love, but because he never felt it deep enough to decay. That truth lingers in Atlas like a second shadow. And then there’s Nova—the outsider with a storm in her bones. And Wren, all sharpness and fight. Milo, who cracks jokes to keep the silence at bay. Luce, who wears her thorns like jewelry. Together, they don’t know how to stop the rot. But they’re learning how to sit with it, how to name it, how to refuse the small, hollow deaths of pretending not to care. In a town where love is a death sentence, staying might be the bravest thing of all.

After my girlfriend's father hit someone with a car, he took his own life because he didn't want to get arrested. But in doing so, he left behind a huge debt he had racked up. In order to help my girlfriend pay off the compensation, I work around the clock as a food deliveryman. Every day, I sleep less than four hours just to squeeze in more work. But when I finish delivering a new order, I notice a man clad in a bathrobe standing in front of me at a hotel suite's doorway. He's completely covered in hickeys. A young woman dressed in a sexy nightgown hugs him from behind. "I'm absolutely famished right now because of how long you've been tormenting me in bed earlier, darling! Hurry up and grab the takeout!" I can only stare at the woman, completely shell-shocked. That's when the bag of takeout slips off my fingers and crashes onto the floor. The woman takes a step backward. Her brows drawn into a frown, she exclaims, "How are my boyfriend and I supposed to enjoy the food now that it's all dirty?" After that, she kicks the takeout at me right away, spilling grease all over my clothes. I remain rooted to the spot, still stunned. This woman… is Irene Swensen, my girlfriend who's about to get engaged to me.

She is a free spirit, trapped in a bird cage of death, danger and despair. Little Alessa has always known one thing above all- she was born to be the perfect Principessa of the Cosa Nostra, the Italian Mafia. She was urged to smile when asked to, laugh even when the jokes were anything but funny, charming to all who were allies. She was perfection incarnate...well, that's what they think. They know nothing of her wild abandon, of her plans to be anything but the perfect princess, royalty of a world dredged so deep in blood, she choked on it. Her plans to run were absolute...well, until HE came along. The mysterious Pakan-a Don like her father- shielded by the shadows that he ruled from. He was the anomaly that she least expected. He destroyed her plans and she hated him for it. So why then does her heart beat so fast when he is near? Why is he the one she thinks about before she sleeps? Why does she so long to see him when she's sad? She wanted the freedom, the life beyond the shadows and explore the world. But Emerald colored eyes, cocky smirks, rough hands, cigarettes and darkness were starting to look a little more appealing...