Funny Condom Sayings

“Can I fuck you?” “Yes.” The entire time he’s talking, his cock is teasing, caressing…I whimper and shift, needing more. He palms one breast and then both, twirling his wet fingers around my nipples. “When we fuck, I want you to watch, watch your gorgeous tits bounce as I find heaven in your pussy.” Again he teases, the girth of his hard shaft sliding over my folds. “I don’t want to use a condom with you ever again. Are you okay with that, feeling my cock inside your tight pussy?” *** Blackmailing my boss, the man with a panty-melting smirk and a reputation for being untamable, into posing as my date for my cousin’s wedding? What could possibly go wrong? Duncan Willis is everything I’m not: impossibly handsome, dangerously confident, and wrapped in a designer suit that hints at the power beneath. He’s the kind of man women fantasize about—and the kind who never looks twice at someone like me. Until I catch him in a compromising position. Suddenly, I have leverage. And I need a wedding date. But here’s the thing: He thinks I’m blackmailing him. He has no idea I’m falling right into his trap. Because Duncan doesn’t get forced—he gets even. And this weekend, in my childhood bedroom under my parents’ roof, the lines between fake dating and real desire are about to blur… until neither of us remembers this started as a lie.

How can a young, cute man have bad intentions? He just wants to "warm your bed". Open it and experience a whirlwind romance. “I Slept With My Ex-boyfriend's Uncle” When I was drunk, I went to see my ex-boyfriend and tried to get back with him. But when I woke up, I found his uncle lying beside me. “A Brave Jump to My Crush” A love story between an aloof Prince Charming and a funny underachieving girl。 I had been in love with him for many years, and I finally went after him. On the night of our classmate reunion, I pretended to be drunk. I took his clothes off and tried to sleep with him. But I regretted it halfway through.

A security guard caught a snake in our apartment complex and delivered it straight to my door. I was just about to scream when floating comments cut in. [The male lead got dumped and turned back into his real form just to spy on his girlfriend, and he actually got caught? This is funny as hell!] [He got dumped, and his girlfriend hates him. He's probably gonna cry himself to sleep!] [Aww, poor little snake can't curl up on his girlfriend tonight.] The big black snake looked pitiful in the guard's hands. It secretly sized me up with its slit pupils. I tried holding out my hand, and the black snake stared in disbelief. Two seconds later, it obediently rubbed its head against my fingers.

“Did the condom really break all those years back or did you just want to baby trap me, Varian?” He looked at me, eyes freezing over, “I just did what time you would make sure you would never leave my side,” ••••••••••••• Varian and Thalia had been childhood sweethearts ever since they were little. He was the alpha son and she came from the Beta line, there's seemed like a perfect love story just waiting for its happy ending. That was until Thalia got a scholarship to go to Crescent University and pursue her dream of becoming a professional healer, it was supposed to mark the end of their relationship until another curveball was thrown at them–Thalia’s pregnancy. Her dream was eventually flushed down the toilet, exchanged for being an underappreciated glorified housewife with the title of Luna slapped across it. Varian had become distant over the years then the straw that broke the camel's back was when she found out that he had been cheating with her best friend, devastation claimed her. She demanded for a divorce and as if to punish her he made sure she was left with nothing more than the clothes on her back. One night she disappeared with her twins, and years passed. Varian came face-to-face with her again. The only woman who could cure a plague unlike any seen in a hundred years. He tried to win her back but now saw that their twins was calling another man ‘Daddy’

Claire nodded, then groaned as he withdrew his finger from her pulsing, aching sex. She heard him walk down the hallway, heard him open the drawer in the bedside table, heard the crinkle of the condom wrapper, heard him approach her again. And that whole time, she stayed where she was: legs trembling and open, hands clenched into fists on the wall, heart pounding and pussy fluttering. Suddenly, he was on her, his cock nudging her from behind, his hands on her hips. Claire whimpered again, pushed back against him. **** John “Griff” Griffin lives by rules. Always has. From the Navy to the SEALs to his job as a bodyguard at Solid Security, control is survival. Protocol saves lives. Boundaries exist for a reason, especially during honeypot ops. Break the rules, and people get hurt. Griff knows that better than anyone. The problem is Claire Worthington. Claire is supposed to be a spoiled socialite hiding after a billion-dollar Ponzi scheme. A criminal. A mark. Instead, she’s living quietly in Denver: working, rebuilding, and starting over like she actually means it. She doesn’t look guilty. She looks… real. When Griff breaks every rule and falls for her, it feels like freedom. It’s also a lie. He’s hiding his name, his job, and the truth – that he was sent to get close and gather evidence. If Claire knew, would she forgive him? Should she? And if she really is guilty, will Griff turn her in… or protect the woman he loves, no matter the cost?

Two months into my cold war with Sean, the lover he’d been keeping finally danced her way right up to me, the real deal. Everyone expected me to react the same way I always had before, kicking up a huge scene to stake my claim. Instead, I looked at the intimate photos of Sean and her in the group chat, smiled, and sent them my blessing. [Looking good. Wishing you two a long and happy life.] The chat went dead silent. Sean must’ve sobered up from his little paradise because in the middle of the night, he drove home and pounded on my door. He was furious. “Do you think this is funny?” However, I only met his gaze calmly. “Honestly, after all these years, none of it is.”

Readers said. 'Very funny, I needed cold showers! I dropped my tablet in the bath! Totally original. Outrageous. The goddesses thread is totally original.' Goddesses - is this what 50 Shades should have been about? Connie Grimshaw, is now a successful businesswoman in an international consultancy. She reached these dizzy heights by believing her mother - work hard and reject emotional needs. On a business trip, the dam bursts and her libido refuses to be silenced. Her PA (Dee) helps her reconcile her lascivious feelings by using a series of parables from ancient goddesses. This works until the goddesses land her in hilarious, embarrassing and sometimes, dangerous situations as she develops the vamp in herself. But there are forces at work, which try to mismanage her feelings. Can she defeat the bad boys? Firstly, she has to deal with Greg, the evil misogynist.

WARNING: R-18 l MATURE CONTENT l SPG l VERY SEXUAL l READ RESPONSIBLY It's funny how someone breaks your heart but you still love them with all you have... Bullied and criticized for being plus size girl, but who cares? Food is life. Myra Gwy Valderamos is the unbothered queen. The only thing that matter to her is food. Loved and treasured by her parents. Supported in all her dreams. Calyx Zachary Villegas stuck in the past and the mystery behind it. Broken at a very young age when both parents died in an accident. They met, fell in love and planned a future together but a buried memory of the past resurfaced. He left her shattered and broken into pieces. How far you would you go for your love? Is his love enough to have her back?

"Ang tanga mo dahil minahal mo ang kaaway mo!" - Mina "Yes, I'm stupid! However... I'll never regret it because I love her. This love is too risky as I let someone pointing a loaded gun into my heart and hoping she won't pull the trigger." - Cooper Si Claire Mina ay isang espiya na inupahan ng Amethyst Company upang tiktikan ang kaaway, ang Yu Company. Una ay tumanggi siya dahil sa mga panganib sa misyon ngunit binantaan siya ng CEO ng Amethyst Company kaya walang magawa kundi ang sumunod. Upang matagumpay na makapasok sa Yu Company, kailangang lapitan ni Claire si Cooper Yu, ang CEO ngunit nabalitaan sa black market na si CEO Copper ang mysterious Mafia Boss na ang libangan ay pumatay. There's no way Claire didn't know that dahil siya ay isang taong lumaki sa black market. Itinaya ni Claire ang kanyang buhay sa misyon na ito pero hindi nagtagumpay at siya ay nahuli.To survive she has to escape but she accidentally made a stupid plan, magpanggap na siya ay nabuntis ng CEO. Gayunpaman, nang walang tamang ebidensiya at interogasyon tungkol sa kanyang tunay na pagkakakilanlan, ang CEO na si Cooper Yu ay handang panagutan ang responsibilidad at gawing asawa niya si Claire. Naloko ba ng kanyang kalokohang plano ang henyo at walang awa na Mafia Boss? Ano ang mangyayari kung malalaman ni Cooper Yu ang intensyon ni Claire? Does Claire make this mission accomplished or be killed?

Can you imagine,being pregnant when, you and your boyfriend didn't do it? What do you think is called? S*x and run? Yeah right... She want to end her self, die and never face the world again, kill her child, had a one-night f'ck with the CEO. SHE'S MARIA CLARA ORDONIEZ,SALAZAR. Clara, a wonderful woman, brave and beautiful, she's one of the angels in fantasy club, her home and h'll. Pwede bang maging sanhi ng pag babago ng buhay niya ang isang gabi na hindi naman niya ginusto. Isa siya sa mga, sabihin na lang natin sa napaka misteryosong dalaga sa mundo, hindi alam ang tunay na katauhan, walang nakakalam, she hide her self, perfectly.