Funny Dark Humor Jokes Novels & Stories

The room went dead quiet when I said I would take the prize, but that quiet did not last. A second later, laughter thundered through the air. Lily Smith was the loudest, doubling over with tears streaming from her eyes. "How else could she be the top seller?" she cackled. "A woman like her has to have skin as thick as a rhino." I ignored her snide comments and kept my cool. "Just to be clear," I said, "since the company so generously 'rewarded' me with bathroom duty, that's all I'll be doing for the next three days. Everything else is off my plate."

I joked lightly, and Serin rolled his eyes at my poor excuse of one. "Funny," he said humorlessly. I only cackled even harder. "No, seriously. You should step out of the corporate world and become a comedian with jokes like that." "Aw, come on, Serin." I followed him out of the house and into the backyard, where he walked out for some fresh air. "It was kind of funny, admit it!" "You need to admit yourself into a mental hospital with jokes like that." ###

My fits of giggles turned into full-blown laughter thanks to my intoxication. Dark humor was just my type. “You are funny,” I said. “But seriously, what happened?” “I take upon boxing as fitness. I recently found out a friend of mine passed away. My emotions got ahead of me.” I frowned and my body slumped. “I am so sorry to hear that.” “Don’t worry,” he said. Feeling bad, I decided to change the topic. I waved down to the waiter and ordered another drink. It was delivered not long after. No wonder he deflected so much and was a bit annoyed when I continued to pry. He lost someone important to him.

“Yeah well, my sleeping pattern has been off-balance lately, so it's only natural that my eating habits will change too. And geez, I can't help being hungry all the time.” “I think you should cut back on the food a little. At this rate, you'll end up being the biggest person I know.” He teased, poking her belly. “You're such a dick.” “But you still love this dick.” “Are you serious right now? Tell me, does it look like I’m in the mood for any of your crap?” “Whoa, it was just a joke.” “Don't joke like that. Some jokes that are funny, right? And others that are just not ok. Guess which category yours falls into.”

Darkous laughed, taking a long draw of his cigarette as he raised an eyebrow, seeming to control his increasing humour. “Don’t begrudge a man for his occupation, besides that shits fun.” His brother chuckled as he lit a Cuban cigar, taking an equally long draw. Darkous shook his head in amusement, unable to disagree with his brother as he spoke, his tone light and bubbly. “I have to be honest brother, that shit is fun.”

"We're hoping you'll find it funny and entertaining. Nerius squawked in encouragement, causing me to smile. “Um, what did the Griffon say when he walked into the bar?” I asked. “What?” Szan asked. “Ouch.” Only the Fiery Lynxes found that funny. Yeah this was going to be pretty rough. One after another we went up and told our funniest jokes and yet there was nothing. Not a chitter, a chuckle or even a snort from the Griffons. We were becoming hopeless.

His shoulders were shaking erratically and he could barely breathe for laughter. I watched his sputtering laugh for about five minutes until I spoke, "If you bang that thing anymore I'm afraid it'll get pregnant." And all the three of them stopped dead in their tracks to look at me, agape. "What! Now I can't even make a joke!?" I deadpanned and Reuben was on again with his next round of unstoppable titters. "...(heavy breathing)...Ahem! That was entertaining. Never knew there existed a being enabling of shutting Lexter off." He mouthed in an amused tone.

I rolled his eyes, "...Laugh all you want it's true" She couldn't breathe after laughing so hard her back looked like it hurt a bit, Just then the nurse came by and saw her laughing so hard and asked, "What's so funny dear?" Shit, she isn't supposed to know since she's human. "I was just telling her a joke to cheer her up ma'am" "May I hear it?' Shiiiiit

It felt good—light, like a breath of fresh air in this park where the wind rustled the leaves around us. We sat on the bench after that, side by side, our shoulders almost touching. He started telling these silly jokes—the kind that weren’t even funny, just dry and ridiculous, like “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.” Corny as hell. But I laughed anyway, hard and genuine, because the real joke was how bad they were, how he delivered them with that straight face like he thought they were gold. It warmed me up inside, chasing away the chill for a bit.

“No it's just, People out there said you eat human flesh and you could burn someone alive while laughing like it's a game to you.” When I said that I was expecting him to look hurt or something but he just laughed, Hmm a death joke it is then. “I would never do such a thing, at least not with you around, I'm a gentleman.”