Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

My husband insisted that I wear high heels at the company’s annual meeting despite being pregnant. He compared me to his female secretary with a look of disdain. "Can’t you learn from Lucille? She’s eight months pregnant and still comes to work in full makeup, handling her tasks efficiently. If you don’t wear them, don’t go. I’ll be embarrassed!" He even tried to give the high heels to his secretary and take her as his date. Left with no choice, I forced myself to wear them. However, on the balcony, the secretary tripped me, spilling red wine all over me. Limping, I found my husband, only for him to sneer, "Tripping on flat ground? How clumsy!" Furious and pale with anger, I turned to leave. Someone urged him to chase after me, but he only got angrier. "How bad could it be? She’s so timid—she can’t survive without me! Just wait. When the event’s over, she’ll definitely be waiting in the car to drive me home." Alas, he was wrong. I turned and went straight to the hospital for an abortion.

"I want you... right here... right now." I breathed. His lips hovered over mine, his breath mingling with my own as he spoke. "Once I start, there's no turning back." I swallowed hard and nodded. My gaze dropped to his lips, full and tempting. I watched, craving, as his tongue swept across his bottom lip "How could I possibly want you to stop when my body is aching for your touch?" The words slipped before I could stop them. For a second, I thought he would push me away again, but then something in him snapped. His lips inched closer to mine, and his fingers lightly stroked my cleavage. The touch made my breasts push higher against my dress, my nipples tightening, my chest heaving as my heartbeat raced. It was all getting too intense, and I was tempted to run and pretend this never happened. But the ache between my legs was too strong to ignore. I wasn’t about to let this moment slip away. “Kiss me," I whispered, pressing my body closer to his in a slow, seductive tease. “Make me forget him....” A dark and intense forbidden love story about a good girl gone bad, Clairessa Hartwood thought she had it all—until heartbreak drove her to revenge. After catching her boyfriend, Adrian Storm, cheating, she seduces his powerful father, Gabriel Storm, while withholding the truth about her previous relationship with his son. Gabriel finally gives in, and they begin a passionate affair, even as Adrian tries to win Clairessa back. Clairessa wants more from the relationship, but Gabriel, still haunted by past betrayals, refuses to commit and ultimately breaks things off. Clairessa navigates heartbreak, desire, and love, she finds herself trapped in a dangerous love triangle between father and son.

Nang sa akala ni Kurt ay napag-iiwanan na siya ng kanyang edad para magkaroon ng lovelife, dumating ang hindi inaasahan. He never dreamt of falling in love with someone like her, and yet destiny had brought them to fall in love with each other. Ngunit mayroon silang problema. Bilang isang duktor, mapapanindigan ba ni Kurt ang sinimulang pangako? O tuluyan nang maisasakripisyo ang pag-ibig dahil sa itinatago niyang pagkatao?

"You know, when you decided to enter my world. You should know that there is no way back, Princess." Crystal Leonidas is the Perfect Princess. As the world's number one Billionaire's youngest daughter, her life is perfect. She is beautiful and smart and she also has Aiden Lucero, her prince charming who loves her and protects her from everything. With Aiden, Crystal believes she doesn't need anything else. Until the day her gaze met Xander William's beautiful eyes. He is warm but dark. Soothing and scary at the same time. It is no secret that Crystal immediately fell for the stranger. Fast, hard and deep. The spark of that feeling was scary, turned into fire, then turned into a strong sense of longing. Forbidden, but tempting. When Xander's lips burn her body with kisses, Crystal knows she has crossed a line. A dangerous limit. Unfortunately, there is no turning back. He is a Beast. A cruel beast who can kill you and bury your body deep underneath. So, what happens next when Crystal realizes that she is already Falling for the Beast?

How much will the surgery on your brother cost? He asked. It's $250,000. I replied. But the contract says that you will be paid $80,000." How are you going to pay for something with that little money? He asked. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. If you agree to have sex with me, I'll give you three hundred and seventy thousand dollars. He said. "What'll you do?" I asked him again as if I hadn't heard him before. I want you to get pregnant normally with my child. He said. Not by having a surrogate? I asked. No. If you agree, though. He answered. After giving it a lot of thought, I decided to take him up on his offer. Yes I'll do it. So that my brother can stay healthy. I thought I said the last part. So, that's that. He said. You'll have your own room and a credit card that you can use to buy whatever you want or need. But it can't be taken back. For two weeks, you will sleep in my room and have sex with me every day. You can't leave without my protection or permission. And last but not least, you won't have boyfriends as long as you're pregnant. You'll only belong to me after you sign that paper.

Lowbred, unwanted, and a servant of the Alpha's Mansion, Anna Kendra just wanted a quiet life with a mate who would accept her for the runt she was. But her life took a U-turn when she discovered the craziest thing. A mate bond, to the one person who wanted nothing to do with a 'prostitute' like her.

When I'm feeling lost and helpless after being diagnosed with late-stage stomach cancer, my husband is accompanying another woman for her medical checkup. I don't cry or fuss. Instead, I calmly sign the divorce papers. Later, I die without anyone knowing. Unexpectedly, my husband searches the world for me like a madman.

Olivia didn't expect to have the worst experience of her life after graduating from college. A daddy's girl was sold for a billionaire's son so that she might marry a man she didn't love or even know. How long can Olivia stand by the side of a despicable billionaire's son who only cares about himself and his manly temptations? And do you honestly believe that arranging two persons for a marriage that is not based on love and has opposing life perspectives will be successful? Or will it just be another blunder that they will come to regret in the end?

Matapos malaman ni Pan ang panloloko na ginawa ng boyfriend niya sa kaniya na si Logan, sinimulan niyang akitin ang step-brother nito na si Juancho para sa personal na dahilan. Si Juancho ang dati niyang kapares sa kama na kapag siyay dinatnan ng init ng katawan ay napapawi ng binata. 8 years ago, isa siyang pariwarang dalaga na nagri-rebelde at tambay sa bar. Doon niya nakilala si Juancho Bec, ang lalaking pumuno ng pantasya niya noong bata pa siya. Pero sa kaniyang pagdalaga, nakilala niya si Logan at nainlove siya dito. Nagbagong buhay na siya at handa na siyang magsettle-down. Pero sa kasamaang palad, nahuli niya itong nambababae sa isang bar. Luhaan siyang umalis at nagtagpo muli ang landas nila ni Juancho. “Come here and open your mouth,” paos na utos ni Juancho at parang alipin na sinunod ni Pan ang utos niya. Sa kaniyang ginawa, babalik ba si Logan sa kaniya? O may bagong pag-ibig na mabubuo?

With exactly three days until our house is seized and everything we have is taken away. My father sits in his chair slumped over and defeated "Rose" he calls to me and I go to him. On bended knees, I answer him, "yes father my voice echos as it bounces off our now bare walls". Dear, I'm afraid I've failed you and we have lost everything, sighing he peers at me and continues. A man stopped by this morning offering to help me figure it out but I'm afraid the cost was too high. What was the cost father please tell me. Looking at him with pleading eyes, he sighs as he began to explain. He offered to pay off my debt and restore my business if I was to give up that most precious to me. My eyes widen and my throat goes dry just as my eyes fill with tears. Someone wants me I whisper and see his eyes dim just a little. Yes, my dear, and I can’t do it. Grabbing his hand, I lean in close so he can hear me. I’ll do it, "his eyes grow wide as he begins to shake his head no fast”. I smile and continue for you I will do it. He wants to be wed this evening my dear and we know nothing about him. “If he can stick to his end of the bargain the rest does not matter I will serve him if it means you won't have to worry”. My tears tickle my face the ones I didn't even know escaped. Standing to my feet I look at him and sigh, if there is to be a wedding today we should get ready with that I take my leave locking myself in my room.