Funny Godly Quotes Novels & Stories

Elder Moses cleared his throat. "I will just say it. Verse six says that, 'Wherefore, we search the prophets, and we have many revelations and the spirit of prophecy; and having all these witnesses we obtain a hope, and our faith becometh unshaken, in so much that we truly can command in the name of Jesus and the very trees obey us, or the mountains, or the waves of the sea.' I love that verse because I have been studying faith recently! By faith all things are possible. I had a really cool experience last week as I started to look to God with more faith! I have received a lot of answers to my prayers lately. What do you think about that?" Indeed I was impressed with his ability to quote scr

Powerful. Then she muttered, “Why is the turnip doing warm-up squats?” “THESE ARE POWER LUNGES,” shouted Turnip from the shore. Mr. Yellow sat under an umbrella sipping honeyed tea from a gold cup. “This is why the gods retired.” Carrot marched toward me, dragging a stick. “Alright, sparkle-pants. Today, you’re gonna balance earth and water. Feel it. Command it. Become it.” “Right. Balance. Command.” I blinked. “What if I just… nicely ask it to behave?”

He was about to speak, but I cut him off before he can even open his mouth. “People! Are you really believing every word he says? Money can’t buy you a good spot in heaven! A good deed does! He’s clearly using your faith for his own wealth! God doesn’t want you to spend your money like that! If you really want a place in heaven, then spend it on something that will help you and your neighbor!” The preacher looked irritated and was glaring daggers at me. People around me started going after the preacher, then praising me. And they lived happily ever after.

“They deify you, and you are a devil.” “Yes, of course, of the worst kind, and I don't think I'm unattainable or that I have it in gold. I remember a saying of my grandfather's that says ´both the pretty and the ugly also poop and pee.”. “Lol is a very funny friend, but that doesn't mean that you have to go around the street like a hunter looking for a prey that satisfies your crazy desires, and besides, the poor guy would surely fall in love, and you would throw him away after a week, like you do with everyone else.”

“Me? No. Well, maybe part-time. I’m the god whose name you call out when you hit your thumb with a hammer and there’s no one around to blame. The punching bag god.” The atmosphere changed. The chill evaporated. “That’s not the worst of it,” said the Golden God. “You tell them what they need to do for a happy life, and they do the exact opposite. Then you think maybe they would make better choices with better information, so you tell them everything they could possibly need to make an informed decision, and do they?” If you’ve never heard gods snort with derision, I can tell you it’s very similar to the sound a girl makes when you tell her the ridiculously expensive moisturising cream she lik

Like detectives. God. Then Peanut reached the flower garden. Fair. Stopped. Reasonable. Then buried the spoon. God. Immediately. Fair. Without hesitation. Reasonable honestly. Then patted the dirt. God. Satisfied. Fair. Very satisfied. Reasonable. Mission accomplished. God. Then Lily collapsed laughing. Fair. Ava collapsed laughing. Reasonable. Even Elena laughed. God. Then Adrian rubbed his face. Fair. Because there was no explanation. Reasonable honestly. None. God.

"Hmmm… Intriguing, very intriguing. Go on, continue." "That's basically it Sir. The hardest of problems can only be fixed by the easiest of solutions." "Who said that? Did you just make it up?" "Jesus Christ said that Sir, in the bible." "Wow, that's a good quote. That guy Jesus has some good ones, back in his day." "Here is another one: it is your right to kill anyone that tries to harm you." "He said that? Really??" "Yes Mr. Secretary."

And the God followed that threat with a gentle laugh. I, in disbelief, whispered the word that I hadn't uttered for so long. "Scumbag." But Arche obviously heard me because he suddenly stopped laughing. "Ah, pardon my vulgar vocabulary," I said, then I gave the God my infamous arrogant smirk. "I should have said 'may your hairline decline each time your divine mouth sprouts garbage' instead." I should thank my mother’s journal for teaching me well. Ah, no… It’s more like 'Meredith’s Guide to Eloquent Cursing 101.' After all, the journal was filled with her unique way of cursing

“YEAH ! LET THE UNINVITED MOTHERFVCKER GET A TASTE OF ALL OUR ATTENTION AND LOVE” “KILL ! KILL ! KILL !” “BARBECUE HIS ASS, FVCKERS !!” “EVERYONE SHUT THE “HELL” UP ! SEE ? SEE ? WHAT I DID THERE ?” “YEAH SUCKER. YOU USED A PUN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE” “HELL NO ! I AM PUN LORD” “NO YOU ARE POOP LORD. THAT’S IT” “SHUT UP, GUYS ! YOU ARE BEING SO UNCOOL”

This was the biggest feat we had yet. "It was still dumb. You guys went behind my back." Todd said with venom laced in his voice. He had a deep voice for being The God of Unbreakable bonds. I would think he would have a squeaky voice but you can't judge a God by their name. "Have I ever told you I picture you with a squeaky voice?" I asked him. "Yes every other day." Todd gritted out. Everyone started laughing. "Okay jokes aside when will my wife wake up?" I asked not caring how I sounded. She was mine.