Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

Left at the altar by her fiancé, film industry beauty Christine Ledesma, also known as Cassandra Mendez rebuilt her shattered life. Just when she thought she had finally gotten over him and turned over a whole new leaf, Marty Jacobs the infamous playboy billionaire showed up again to reclaim her. "Mommy, you're back." The little girl sweetly said. Marty came in and walked towards the living room. He put down Christine on the couch. The little girl was delighted to see Christine carried by Marty. The little girl held Marty's hand, looked up to him and spoke, "Mommy, is he my daddy?" The little girl's eyes were twinkling like the stars in the sky. Memories of five years ago came flooding her mind. Christine couldn't utter a word, for she was overwhelmed by the memories of five years ago. The little girl concluded that her mom's silence meant yes, the little girl spoke to Marty "Daddy, did you come back to take us with you?" Baffled, Marty couldn't speak and looked at Christine. Christine had regained her composure and said, "Cassie, sweetie, he is mommy's business partner."

I trusted her. I trusted him. Big mistake. When I caught my husband and my best friend tangled in betrayal, my world shattered. And my daughter? She chose her as her new mom. Me? Just a housewife. Just the ‘overbearing mom’ who cared too much. Done. I walked away, leaving their apologies and tears in the dust. My husband dropped to his knees, begging, “Please, come back. We can fix this.”My daughter clung to me, crying, “Mom, don’t leave me.” I laughed: “Fix it? Don’t leave? Too late. You had your chance. I don’t need either of you anymore.”

Cocky, arrogant, and dropped dead gorgeous: That described my boss, Mr. Craft, to a T. His thick hair, cold blue eyes and strong jaw held power in a conference meeting, causing women to melt in his presence. I’ve wanted to confront him on his stubborn attitude and critical demands for employees. I’d bitten my tongue in many scenarios and held in my true feelings over a dozen times. Keeping the peace was necessary until I had enough experience under my belt to move onto bigger and better things. The only problem was; Craft Marketing was the bigger and better, and the longer I stuck it out with him, meant more opportunities would arise. I’d been the only female intern to land a job directly under him, and was also the only one who hadn’t slept with him. I knew he was promiscuous with the tall and leggy blondes that breezed into his office looking immaculate, then scurried back out with mussed hair, flushed cheeks, and unbuttoned blouses. I'd ignore the magnetic pull of chemistry and curiosity between us. Unless it came to my advantage.

The three-year contractual marriage had fulfilled Ember’s dream.However, everyone knew that the dashing Caleb had his own dream with a woman called Penelope.His love returned, and the contract had ended, but Ember found herself pregnant with Caleb’s child.On the day that they were supposed to complete the divorce, something happened to Ember. Caleb could never find her again. Life seemed to have returned to normal, until one day when Caleb got drunk at a bar. His friends dialed a number saved as “Honey” - only to find it was Ember’s terminated number, not Penelope’s.******Only when Ember returned with her son did Caleb notice he had already fallen for her. He regretted his decision and began his journey to take his wife back. He would sacrifice everything for her.Then one day, when he once again held her hand and pulled her into his embrace, he said with a coarse voice, “Em, I already noticed you the day you gave the speech. When are you coming home? Our house has been so cold…”Ember pushed him away. “Stop acting so lovey-dovey with me. Our son’s watching…”The boy ran away and put his hands over his ears. “Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!”

He smirked, knowing he was on the winning side. "So it's a done deal for three months?" He raised his eyebrows, putting his hand forth for a handshake. I looked at the long fingers and perfectly aligned nails and then at his patient face. Sighing to myself I my own hand into his and ignored the tingles that flowed through every nerve as his fingers curled around my hand and shook it lightly. "Yeah three months." "Goodnight then." He winked, removing his hand from mine and turned to walk away. "Hey wait!" I called out, suddenly remembering something. "You don't have my number." "What makes you think that? I have my ways Smith." And with one last wink I saw him take a turn and disappear from my sight. I let out a long breath, leaning on the nearby wall. Looks like I just made a deal with the Devil. * A sarcastic girl, a cocky guy. Throw in some mystery, murder, filthy jokes, wonderful friends, tons of kisses, secrets, surprises, eye-rolls and a killer on run. And you have got yourself a story never read before. ***So grab a cup of hot chocolate, some chips and a warm blanket and get ready to laugh, cry and bite your lip in anticipation. Enjoy!!

He was darkness, sinfully gorgeous, a dangerous fantasy, a walking orgasm with strings of broken heart behind him a proof of his heartless nature. He was everything decadent yet delicious your mom warned you about. She wanted light He wanted her After running away from her abusive drug addict of a step father and a mother who was busy getting her next fix to care for a whiny 15 years old, Maya could safely say she have had it rough in life and just wanted her own happy ever after. A husband who adores her, a picket fence, a dog and three adorable children. After she catches her fantasized soulmate cheating on her with her Best friend, she is shattered which left her deciding to throw caution into the air once and indulge in a mind blowing one night stand. A one night stand which leaves her sprawled on the bed humiliated, turned on and intrigued about the hot stranger with the distant cold blue eyes who practically freaked out when he discovered she was a virgin. When her friend gets her a Job as a PA to the CEO of one of the biggest establishment in the country but turns out Mr CEO was the hot stranger and what's more? He wants to claim her in every way possible but Maya knows what a picket fence guy material looks like and her insanely hot brooding boss wasn't it.

VIOLET They say you have to lose someone to truly find yourself. Well, they were right… Because I never knew what the future held until I lost him. "I want a divorce!" Four years of marriage, four damn years of commitment to Adrian Wolfe, shattered with those three words. And the worst part? He said them because of her, my best friend… his childhood sweetheart. Holding the pregnancy test in my trembling hands, I made a choice. I ran. To his enemy's Pack, where he would never think to find me. But that's where everything began. Where I discovered I’m not just Violet. I’m a force to be reckoned with. Adrian: Peace? I thought peace meant breaking free from a marriage I believed was holding me back. But now my Pack is cursed... And only one woman can break it. My ex-wife.

"Mom, help! Dad locked me in the car!" It was 2:00 pm in the blazing heat of a summer afternoon, and my heart stopped when I heard my daughter's panicked voice. I immediately began searching for my daughter, but my husband sounded impatient when he answered my call. "Holly's in a bad mood. I'm taking her to the amusement park. Why are you overreacting? She'll be fine." He sounded annoyed and hung up immediately after he was done speaking. The dial tone buzzed in my ear, but all I could think was that he'd better pray nothing happened to her.

Warning: Matured 18+ contents! HAVING a prosperous rich lifelike Celestine Rain Alcazar is like living in a lie. When she's living in a cage—no freedom of things she wanted. She has the money, luxury, beauty, and brain that men are drooling over her. But there is still something missing in her perfect life. Closing into edge is her feeling when her mom introduced her to Ezekiel Bellevera for an arranged marriage. Her mom doesn't know her secrets between her sheets. Immersed in a fantasy life, Celestine will unravel her identity proving that Ezekiel wasn't the guy for her. And showing that most of the people are Not A Saint, the same as her. The freedom of being true to yourself is her weapon. And she will prove them wrong. But what if the person she loves been cheating on her with her fiancé, Ezekiel, and caught it red-handed? Would she forgive and forget or this is her start of vengeance towards men?

I was sold as sex slave by my parents! My mom broke down in tears at this point as she shook her head as she murmured while sobbing. "I'm sorry, my dear... I'm sorry." Her expression looked as if she was truly guilty of me, but her backward steps betrayed her. I shuddered uncontrollably as I watched this unfold before me, desperately shaking my head as I struggled to deny it all. "No, no… I don't want this…" I looked at those men who were looking at me with excitement, as they had already removed their clothes. When I tried to move my thin body and escape from what they were trying to do, the two of them held both of my arms and my legs, trying to stop me from moving, as one of them was already on top of me. One of them sneered as he looked at me with arrogance. "Alpha King has other sex slaves anyway, so there's no harm in us enjoying this bitch first!" Tears broke out of my eyes as I begged them to stop what they were doing. "Stop… no… please don't…" Despite my hoarse voice and I could barely even speak, I pleaded for mercy. I plead that they won't do what they were planning to do. I am saving myself for my future mate. I… I hate this… But what the hell am I supposed to do!