Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

~Rina Zante Shunned, a half-caste omega and dirt-poor, I have gotten used to the dirty stares people throw my way. And even though I try to ignore the taunts, it’s impossible. Now, my mom has gotten a job as a maid in the alpha’s house. It is a big deal and I should be elated. I was but no longer. How can I when the alpha’s son, devilishly handsome Vincenzo has placed me on his bully list? He desires to bend me to his will. To be a puppet, a mere slave to slake his lust on. Try as I might to run far away from his cold smiles and wandering hands, I can’t. Trapped is what I am. ~Vincenzo Moreno They call me a beautiful bastard. Heartless. Ruthless. Wicked. I am and I'm out for her blood. Despite the fact that she is a nobody, my wolf still craves for her and I will do all I can to make her mine. Because, what I want, I get and I want her. To immerse myself in the innocent wreck that she is. If I should ruin her in the process then, so be it. After all, she is my possession, mia innocente bella.

The new girl, Everly, is smart, beautiful, and mysterious. And Jack will do anything to make her leave. When Everly returns to the small town where her mother went missing years ago, Jack, son of the Alpha of the Lichtwolves pack, will do whatever he can to get her to leave before the neighboring pack, the Nachtwolves, get a whiff of her blood. Everly is special. One bit or scratch from a shifter, and she'll turn into something terrible. Is that what happened to her mom? Jack can't let anything bad happen. So even though he's drawn to Everly himself, he tries to make her life at Cook High hell until she'll have to leave town. The only problem is, Jack is falling in love with Everly, and when something terrible happens, and she finds herself drawn in by Slate, the son of the Nachtwolves Alpha, Jack realizes instead of pushing Everly away, he'll have to do everything he can to protect her. Before the high council says she must be destroyed--and that he'll have to be the one to do it. The Wolf Girl and Her Alpha Mate is a first love romance between a not-so-human girl and a hot shifter. It's a slow burn romance that will keep you turning page after page. (Think Twilight without the vampires if both dudes were wolves and there were also mages and other mythical creatures.) From the author of Sold to the Alpha and Mage of Wolves.

Anaheim, the Home of Disneyland in California City famous for Hockey stadium, art museum, convention centres. Among them, it is also famous for nightclubs. On a busy night in California Girls Anaheim(Adult Entertainment Club), Nicolas Winston searches for a girl to spend the night with. While looking around, he come across Elena who just undergone a break up, came to the club to get drunk. Nick sees Elena and ask her to sleep with him. In the beginning she rejects him but later she'll accept the offer. Both of them decides to hook up and end up in a hotel. When Nick comes to know that Elena is still virgin, he drops the idea of sleeping with her. Elena gets excited about Nick and ask about his love life since he talked lot about 'first time' and 'virginity'. Nick and Elena share their love story to each other's. They become friends from One nightstand. Nick and Elena meet again and again on different occasions and share their love stories. Nick helps Elena to overcome her truma from her past life and in return Elena helps Nick overcoming his lost love. Soon, they fall for each other without knowing. Nicolas's side story - High School Love. Elena's side story - Office Romance.

Ethan Lewis has been in the bright lights for as long as he can remember. He’s just turned the cusp of celebrating his twenty-fourth birthday, and yet he feels more like eighty. Living the life of a celebrity isn’t all it is chalked up to be, and dealing with the unruly number of women who are more interested in his billions than who he is as a person is getting old. He has resigned himself to giving up on love and focusing on the only thing that truly gives back – his career. Riley Phillips has always dreamed of being on a big stage with the warmth of the spotlight baring down on her, but she just couldn’t seem to catch the right agent’s attention. After giving a quick commencement speech as Valedictorian of her graduating class at Billmore High, she’s offered something she can’t refuse... The chance to work in Hollywood. It’s not all it’s chalked up to be, but she works hard and finally gets her big break four years down the line. There is a new movie that her agent wants her to audition for, and her co-star? The dreamy Ethan Lewis. She scores the part, but soon regrets it due to his callous, overbearing persona. He’s nothing like the public touts, and she for one isn’t impressed. Funny enough, he is - immensely.

“Am I selling myself!?” I asked as I looked at the documents in front of me. He looked up, and with a sly smile said: “Yes.” Just like that, I was forced into a marriage with the most eligible bachelor of NY. He was the heartless boss everyone feared, the enigmatic CEO that I worked for until I desperately needed money for my mom’s treatment and had to “sell myself”. But what would happen when his truth came out that he, in fact, was also a mafia boss? Scratch that – what would happen when every time he hurt me, I wanted to help him? Could I make the heart less boss feel something, or would I kill myself trying? I'm Hailey, and this is my story. I didn't know how it would go, until he came in and took control. Now all I yearn for is him, but would he ever feel the same about me?

Willa has been running for as long as she could remember along side her twin brother, West and her mother. Their Mother has always told them that a someone is after them. Life was difficult since their mother trained them to be ready for anything, even her death. Two years after their mom died, the twins luck has finally run out and they are captured but they are shocked to discover that it's their own father and brothers they've been running from. Now reunited, will the twins finally find happiness and family or will they end up being destroyed by their family's dark secret? With everyone hiding secrets, what is the truth? What is safe? The twins have only ever believed in their motto, Chaos not cash, maim not murder and each other. Can they trust anyone else and more importantly, should they?

[I found out Daniel Ortega, the notorious delinquent at my high school, is actually a cat-loving gentle soul. Now, it's time to use it against him to get what I want.] Things get a lot more exciting for Logan Smith, a 17-year-old student from Skyland high school, when he catches Daniel Ortega in a vulnerable state. Logan is a scholarship boy-a genius prodigy who is expected to get into the best college once he graduates. Daniel Ortega is seen as the walking terror in high school. He is rough around the edges, tattooed, tall and muscular, and rumored to be a complete psychopath. But underneath his scarred skin hides a big heart. Daniel, however, doesn't want anyone to find out about his soft heart. His reputation as a bad boy makes people leave him alone, and he intends to keep it that way. But the problem arises when Logan finds out his secret. He threatens to expose Daniel as a secretly nice person unless Daniel beats up one of Logan's bullies on his behalf. Daniel doesn't like violence, but he has no choice but to agree since he doesn't want to lose his reputation as the high school bad boy. The sooner Daniel beats up the bully, the sooner he can return to being a lone wolf. He wants nothing to do with him after, yet, Logan seems to be attracted to him like the moth to a flame, and Danny can't seem to get rid of him!

UNDER SERIOUS EDITING!!! Roy’s boring life is turned upside down when a gorgeous man who the world knows as Bryan Anderson, the ruthless, cunning and aloof CEO of Anderson Inc. aka, his boss reveals some shocking information. One—he is a werewolf—Lycan crown prince, in line to take over his father’s throne. Two—he is gay (Bryan, who had women hanging off his arms.) Three, he wants Roy in his bed—Bryan, the guy who had a restraining order filed against an obsessive heiress. But there’s a problem, Bryan is fiercely secretive about his….preferences as his father is disgusted by the idea of men being together whereas Roy is openly gay. However, when Roy gives Bryan an ultimatum to choose between him and his inheritance as King of the Lycan Kingdom, Bryan decides to be engaged to a Lycan princess to save Roy's life. Will Roy be able to convince his sexy billionaire to come out of his shell or will he be Bryan’s dirty little secret, his plaything forever?

"Look at you, all grown up and mature, son, opps sorry Alexander. Now, I'm your mother and I'll call whatever the hell I want and you my dear son, will not question it. And what did you say about patience? You are not patient, Alexander, let's start from here. Don't tempt me to inform Zane about this behavior of yours'." Mom states while eyeing my up and down. Herr words were like a trigger for me and eventually the last straw of my control snapped as I gave in the burning rage. "Tell him whatever the fuck you want, Mother. If you want to loose your mate in a one on one duel, I don't see a problem because I'm not gonna loose mine in any fucking condition. Now," ****** It is said that 'Patience is the key' but at times the wait is too long, long enough that we stop waiting or maybe that's what the fate wants. Future is a mystery that would only unravel when we live it but what if that mystery destroys lives, lives that matter the most to you. Is it worth unraveling such mystery, such future? But then again can you stop time, stop the events that are bound to happen? The answer is NO but will that stop us from trying?

Pelican Bay Security is full of hot former Navy SEALS, a small costal town in Maine (with a crime problem), and a group of Bakery Girls waiting to cause trouble. When I moved here to set up a new security company as a fugitive recovery specialist, I didn’t plan to find my next-door neighbor breaking into her aunt’s house. I also didn’t expect the random henchmen harassing her for diamonds she insists she doesn’t have.Tabitha is running from an ex-boyfriend, and I desperately want to help. As a former Navy SEAL I have the skills to deal with almost any idiot willing to give his girlfriend a black eye. Her lies, drama, and ex-boyfriend catch up with her and it may not be something I can handle on my own. I just hope if things turn violent, we both come out alive.A fun, humorous romantic suspense series from USA Today bestselling author, Megan Matthews!#explicit #Suggested age 18+Pelican Bay Security is created by Megan Matthews, an eGlobal Creative Publishing Signed Author.