Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

When the flood came, my father, who was the captain of the rescue team, immediately rescued my cousin and cut my rescue rope. "Vivian can't swim, and there's not enough space on the helicopter. You won't die even if we rescue you a little later." I was rushed to the hospital while hanging onto a thread, but my mother, who was a doctor, gave the last bag of rare blood to my cousin, who was not even seriously injured. I begged with a weak voice, but my mother pried my fingers apart and said, "Your cousin is anemic and has always been in poor health. Must you fight for attention at such a time?" My parents had no idea that I stopped breathing when they abandoned me.

Blaire Summers doesn't do serious, but she soon finds herself in a very serious situation. One that will deem her homeless if she doesn't find a job that actually pays. When she lands an interview at ALPHA INC, she expects the boot after she notices the line in tow for the job. She couldn't be more wrong. Luther Reed is more than just the CEO, he's ALPHA of the Legend Pack. He's ruthless, cunning, and never found his mate, which doesn't bother him in the least. Not having a mate means he doesn't have a weakness. Until Blaire stumbles into his office for an interview, and he knows instantly she's his mate. The kicker is that she's human, and has no idea werewolves exist. It's easy to turn to the next interviewee, and forget her. Until he sees Axel Hanes, the dirty Lycan tycoon, talking to her outside of his office window. That forces the hair on his neck to stand, and he hires Blaire, which causes a downward spiral of events that break Luther's guard, and forces him into situations that will cost him his position, and a war with the Lycans he didn't see coming.

Shane is my best kept secret. The more time that passes the tighter my hold on him gets. If my father thinks he can take my right to find my mate from me and sell me off to the highest bitter than he's got another thing coming. I'll take what I want and give the only thing he thinks I have of value to whoever I choose. And who do I choose? I choose Shane. Adea is the air I breathe. I won't let anyone come between us and I won't let the Moon Goddess try and decide who she gets to be with. Whether it be her father or destiny, no one will get in my way. Fate? Mate? These words mean nothing to me. No one wants us together, but the jokes on them, I'll decide my own destiny. Adea Biscoff is that destiny. In a new life where the curse has been broken, can everything unfold how it was supposed to? Will the star-crossed lovers finally have their chance? What happens when Shane remembers everything, but refuses to make the same mistake again? The tables have been turned and Shane realizes who the real villain has been all along. What if in this life, Shane demands she be the one to pay? ! Sexual and physical abuse may be triggering for survivors !

My younger son, who is seven, is bitten by a snake. I take him to my elder son's hospital to be treated. To my surprise, my elder son's girlfriend thinks I'm his mistress. Not only does she stop the medical personnel from treating my younger son, but she even slaps me. "My boyfriend and I are a perfect match. How dare you bring your illegitimate son here to challenge me!" She pins me to the floor as she pummels and harms me. She even screeches, "A slut like you will only stop going around seducing others once you're incapable of it!" I'm bruised, battered, and bleeding as I'm wheeled into the emergency room. My elder son handles the operation. His hand trembles as he clutches his scalpel, and he looks ashen. "Who did this to you, Mom?"

Devin King was my first—well, everything. They say you never forget your first. Whoever said that was right because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get him out of my head or my heart. I foolishly thought my heart wouldn’t miss what it couldn’t see, but I was wrong because I never forgot, not for one moment. You’re not supposed to kiss your best friend. You’re not supposed to give your virginities to one another, either—but we did. We were kids, teenagers, full of hormones and mixed emotions, but it felt right. He was the first boy to kiss me, the first boy to touch me and taste me in a way only a lover would. “Say you want to be mine….” He whispered while I shook in his arms. And I did. And then he wrecked me. After I trusted him and gave myself to him, he disappeared, left me in my , the scent of him still lingering on my skin, the taste of his kiss still fresh on my lips. He left me after the amazing night we shared after we became one another’s and disappeared without a word. Until one day ten years later he pops up like a rash as the newly appointed CEO of our firm. Was I shocked to see him standing in the office after a decade? Yes. Did I almost faint? Hell yes. My heart may have melted a little when he smiled right at me, but he wouldn’t ever know that—because I hated him. But here I am, the VP of an established publication firm standing in the CEO’s office handcuffed to the pompous face. Why are we handcuffed you ask? Well, that's a funny story...

"Your husband is so wild in bed!" On the eve of my childbirth, I received a provocative video from my husband's mistress, flaunting their affair.In the video, my supposedly loyal husband, Max Jennings, and his mistress were entangled in a hotel bed, exchanging dirty talk and engaging in various sexual positions.The shock of it all triggered premature labor, resulting in a stillbirth that left me utterly devastated.Max, consumed by guilt, fell to his knees before me, tears streaming down his face. Desperately, he begged for my forgiveness. Little did he know, I had already uncovered all his schemes - the secret transfer of his assets, the signing of substantial life insurance policies, and the true cause of our baby's tragic demise.I clung to him, sobbing uncontrollably, like a typical housewife shattered by her husband's betrayal.But in the depths of my heart, a grim thought emerged: "Max, since you won't agree to a divorce, it seems that becoming a widow is my only way out."During this tumultuous period in my life, I met Luke Walker.The people in our town describe Luke as an angel who has fallen to Earth—an honorable and composed beacon of light. Yet, somehow, he took an interest in me—a woman scorned and deemed hopeless after a failed second marriage.No one understands the truth. It was Luke who relentlessly pursued me, drawing me deeper into a complex relationship!

There’s nothing sexier than a hot jock any day of the week even if you don’t care for sports. Think sizzling dirty sweat and hard muscle that melts ice instantly. These jocks are ready to meet their match and score for life. Come along for the ride. Find a nice cool spot and bring plenty of iced water. Football, baseball, rugby, and tennis. There’s no end to dirty sex between clean sheets. Completion is created by Holly S. Roberts/D’Elen McClain, an EGlobal Creative Publishing signed author.

Cesari Islan Sandoval is a drop dead gorgeous multi billionaire playboy who can get any lady he wants at the snap of his fingers but doesn't do relationships until he meets Elyon Devane a single mom who is in need of a job. He feels drawn to her which is something that has never happened to him before so without thinking he gives her the job as his personal assistant thinking he could seduce her into sleeping with him but she turns out to be a hard nut to crack. He falls in love with her five years old daughter and though he doesn't consider himself a daddy material,he finds himself wishing he is her daughter's father. Funny enough he finds out that he is indeed her daughter's father which causes him to have a rethink much to the chagrin of his lover Antoinette Montalvo.

Oladele Anjola is an 100lvl student of Computer Science who just got admitted into Federal University of Technology, otherwise known as FUTA. She's extremely reserved and a big introvert. Although beautiful and intelligent, she has zero social skills. Adeleke Kolawole is your typical one of the most popular guys at FUTA. Cute, tall, handsome and brilliant and has more than half of the female population running after him. But Kola is the second definition of being snubbish and icy. He barely has friends and keeps to himself. Jola is totally smitten by Kola on their meeting and for the first time in Kola's life, he has a girl in his head. No matter how hard he tries to get her out of his head, she wouldn't budge, its not like he wanted her out of his head though. And so, an interesting love story starts. What will happen when Jola discovers that her very first friend in FUTA, Fisayo also has a huge crush on Kola. Will she give him up for friendship or give up her friendship for Kola. Its truly an hard decision, but sometimes before anyone else, we should come first.

“Remember when I said I forgive you? Guess what baby, I lied.” ****** Bree had thought that breaking the heart of her boyfriend, Spencer on that rainy evening was the worst day of her life but her cold and manipulative mother proved her wrong by sending her to a psychiatric hospital as a punishment. Finding out that she was pregnant and escaping the hospital, Bree fled the city to somewhere far away to escape the clutches of her controlling mother and become a free bird. When her little one turned three, she innocently asked, “Mommy, where is Daddy?” “Daddy is no more,” she let out the first thing that came to her mind. After five years, Bree returned to the city, this time as an FBI agent and crossing paths so soon with Spencer in an unexpected dire situation was something she never expected. Amid all similarities, the old chirpy vibrant man that she once knew was no more, instead this Spencer was bitter and vengeful. He was hell-bent on making her pay for her decision five years ago. Moreover, how will the morally gray man react when he finds out that they have a child together, especially after his last words to her years ago that still echoed in her ears day and night?