Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

“Why did you bend over, Maverick?”   “Because you told me to, assh*le.”   “I’m so tempted to f*ck you right now. You’re the most exquisite woman I’ve ever been with, the only beautiful thing I see and have.”   “Then what are you waiting for? Just punish me already!” *** MAVERICK As a working college student, I struggle to make ends meet until a stranger approaches me with a proposal—to be his employer’s wife for an enormous sum of money. Knowing the cash will help me pay my grandmother’s medical bills, I accept the offer with a demand—just a marriage of convenience, nothing more. It’s too late to realize I’m marrying the gorgeous, to a fault, young Mr. Winston. And there’s this instant fire between us despite my inhibitions. Things get more complicated when our marriage is put to the test by his father, who threatens to expose my dirty little secret. *** LAKE Being a Braddson-Winston heir is sometimes a curse. My father is a real SOB and a pain in my ass. He makes one outrageous demand for me to secure the CEO seat in the company—marriage. So I find a perfect bride— Maverick Bates II, beautiful but in a dire financial situation. I only ask two things. We stay MBA and keep things purely business until the contract ends. As simple as that. It was meant to be a straightforward deal, but each day I get to know her, my position is not the only thing at stake but also my heart. I realize I can’t let her go even if she’s the daughter of the ruthless don of the Sicilianos.

"Our love is filthy, a dirty secret that nobody should know about." Kira thrives and wants a better life in a world where omegas are despised and shunned, but fate has cruel plans for her. The moon goddess gives her a forbidden mate, Alpha D'Angelo, the most feared and ruthless alpha in the land. An Alpha's bond with an Omega results in instant rejection or, worse, death. She expects worse, but D'Angelo has other interesting methods of causing ruin than a simple kill.

"Look at you, all grown up and mature, son, opps sorry Alexander. Now, I'm your mother and I'll call whatever the hell I want and you my dear son, will not question it. And what did you say about patience? You are not patient, Alexander, let's start from here. Don't tempt me to inform Zane about this behavior of yours'." Mom states while eyeing my up and down. Herr words were like a trigger for me and eventually the last straw of my control snapped as I gave in the burning rage. "Tell him whatever the fuck you want, Mother. If you want to loose your mate in a one on one duel, I don't see a problem because I'm not gonna loose mine in any fucking condition. Now," ****** It is said that 'Patience is the key' but at times the wait is too long, long enough that we stop waiting or maybe that's what the fate wants. Future is a mystery that would only unravel when we live it but what if that mystery destroys lives, lives that matter the most to you. Is it worth unraveling such mystery, such future? But then again can you stop time, stop the events that are bound to happen? The answer is NO but will that stop us from trying?

Trigger Warning!! This book is very dark, containing torture and abuse, read at your own risk!! "I'll delete the pictures depending on how obedient you are. You have to do everything I say; if I want you to become a dog, you have to get on your knees and bark; do we have a deal?" Pierce leans intimidatingly to Malakai's height to whisper softly in his ears; his cold eyes flash with cruelty. "You don't want her to know what a dirty little creep you are, do you?" Malakai Kreston, Quiet and perfect son of the county's preacher is who everyone assumes to be a boring nerd, but Malakai has a deep secret. He isn't so perfect after all! A dirty secret that Malakai will do anything to protect. What happens when he becomes a targeted pawn of Pierce Masterson? Kai, who is usually the hunter, becomes the prey, and he discovers that Pierce is more evil... Sinister and very much more twisted than anything he'd ever imagined. Pierce must have everything he wants or destroy it all completely, Escaping is Malakai's only option, but how far will he go before he gets caught? In a game of cat and mouse, neither are willing to lose!

Do you like your stories hot, dirty, and dripping with tension? Welcome to SWEET SURRENDER, a collection of short erotic stories that explores the raw, aching edge of submission. Each tale drags you into the dark corners of desire where power isn’t just taken, it’s begged for. Inside these pages, you’ll meet women who ache for control to be stripped away and the men ruthless enough to do it. Expect forbidden temptation, age gaps erotic stories that burn, discipline met with praise, and the filthy high of being watched and used. Some stories will leave you breathless with tenderness. Others? They’ll ruin you, in the best way. If you’ve ever whispered “Yes, Sir,” or spread your thighs on command, this book doesn’t just speak to you. It speaks for you. You're not just reading. You're surrendering. So turn the pages of this book... and give in.

Everyone wants to be me. Who wouldn't? I've got the looks, sexy body, money and Andrew Maru Ottave, my husband.But if they will only knew who I really am and what's happening in my life, I doubt that they want to be in my place. Since I was a child, I don't have a right to choose the person I want to be with, because my parents already arranged it for me.Its not actually a new thing with the elite. Because even my parents is a product of an arrange marriage. They marry for business and have a child for business. And just like my mom I will just also be a business wife.

“You can’t love me!” I snapped, tears blurring his handsome face. “Why?” Asher demanded, looking appalled. “Because I betrayed you…” I whispered, my heart breaking apart. “Because I came here to…destroy you.” What happens when the man you were sent to destroy turns out to be your mate and the love of your life? 25 years old Ivy never expected her beautiful life to turn into her darkest nightmare by a man named Alpha Killian Price. After destroying her pack and killing her entire family, except for her father, Killian has an offer for Ivy that could help her piece her life together again. But that offer comes at a price Ivy wasn’t ready to pay. Killian wanted her to destroy GrayCrest, the most powerful pack in the country, in exchange for her father’s life. But how could Ivy destroy the pack whose Alpha was her mate and the love of her life? Her father or her mate…there was a choice Ivy needed to make. But the stakes were too high and time was running out fast. Can Ivy make the right choice before the most brutal war in history claims innocent lives and destroys hundreds of packs in its wake? Sizzling, passionate, funny, and full of unexpected twists and actions… witness a story that will take your breath away!

Brianna Jackson is beautiful, bold, and fiercely loyal. Growing up with her mom and sister after her father left them, she dropped out of school to help support her family when her mother’s health started failing. But when a tiny mistake gets her fired from her restaurant , she’s back at square one—except her new boss is the same man who got her fired, and he’s determined to make her pay for it. Adrian Carter, CEO of A.C. Organizations, is rich, dangerously handsome, and impossible to please. He has no patience for mistakes and is known for firing anyone who makes one—until Brianna becomes his personal assistant. Her sass and beauty make her hard to ignore, and even harder to let go. As the tension between them blurs into something more, can they keep things professional, or will they give in to the spark between them? Find out in this gripping story of romance, rivalry, and undeniable attraction.

"You are fucking mine .only i have right to kiss those plump lips . I fucking own your soul. Somia is only Haris's ." Saying this he smashed his lips to mine "Jaana . I might be a playboy back . But its my first kiss . You know according to me lip and forehead kiss is just a symbol of love but I accept it today" saying this he again smashed his lips to mine ................................. "How many kids you want in future?" My eyes widened at her question. Is she for real. "Ooooooo!! you are blushing at the name of kids . So cute!" saying this she pulled my cheeks and suddenly kissed me on my cheeks.She looked down getting embarrassed by her act . She did this unknowingly. I was shocked. .............. She came forward but suddenly she tripped by her dress but I caught her . Our eyes got locked and it seems like the world around us stopped . She fit perfectly in my arms. I can feel her accelerated heart beat. Her rosy lips were the first thing which was making me hard in my pants.Her smell was super intoxicating. ................. We have always heard that there are 6 identical individuals of a person. Is it true? Lets see!! It is always said that opposite attracts. Somia a young girl living in the city of saints, belongs to a middle class family. She is financially helping her father to make the both ends meet. A sweet bubbly self-made girl who knows how to deal with this cruel world. But what happens when she unknowingly falls for a cold hearted devil. Haris a cold hearted devil having several night stands . Love is not his cup of coffee. Join the journey of two opposite natured persons to know what happens when they cross their paths.

"Mom, help! Dad locked me in the car!" It was 2:00 pm in the blazing heat of a summer afternoon, and my heart stopped when I heard my daughter's panicked voice. I immediately began searching for my daughter, but my husband sounded impatient when he answered my call. "Holly's in a bad mood. I'm taking her to the amusement park. Why are you overreacting? She'll be fine." He sounded annoyed and hung up immediately after he was done speaking. The dial tone buzzed in my ear, but all I could think was that he'd better pray nothing happened to her.