Romans & histoires I Don''t Want To Be Loved

"Waaaahh!! Stop shattering my fantasies, ****!" "If there will be shooting stars, I'll wish to have someone that will accept me and love me for who I am, not for what I have and not because of the title I have. I want someone that will love me genuinely without hidden agendas. I don't want to get hurt. I just want to be loved." "Does your parents don't love you, ****?" "They do. Tss. Let's go inside and dance. It's getting colder and colder out here. Here, wear my coat, you little Princess."

I loved being alone, I don't want a family and a stepbrother, it freaking sucks, I just want to be all myself, the word love is fucking fake. When you love someone is all an imagination, and they betray you and stab you in the back, that's why I don't want to love anymore, I just want to be all by myself. At times I detest myself and wish I was never born to such a mother, my life was about pain and sorrow. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong family or I should never have been born at all. I wished my mother aborted me when she discovered she was pregnant with me.

“From the beginning, you knew exactly what you wanted. You made rules. Clear ones. No emotional bullshit. No overlapping with other people. No pretending this was something it isn’t.” Her throat moved once, “You remember all that?” “Obviously.” ---- “I like that about you. You know what you can handle. Most people don’t and it works perfectly for people like us.” She stared at me strangely after that, “People like us?” “Yeah.” “What exactly does that mean?” “It means I can’t love anybody. And you are already in love with someone else.” ---- "I don't want you as a stepbrother. I don't want you as my family. I don't want the platonic version of you, and I don't want the version of you that loo

I silently hoped she got every single emotion, every word that gnawed at my heart. You’re not worthless. You’re not useless either. Don’t hate someone I don’t hate. Don’t hate someone I love.

I don't want to choose. Dear goddess, help me….

I sighed. “I love you,” he blurted. My heart sank. “After five years?” I asked quietly. “That’s the problem, Kath,” he said, frustrated. “I’ve loved you even while I was with Clara. That’s the truth. I never stopped. Even when you rejected me, I still couldn’t let you go. I gave Clara a chance because of you… so I could stay close to your family. A family that was once mine too. Because of you I begged Gary and your mother to give me up. I had plans for us. I still do. If only you’d give me a chance.”

Perhaps it really was love. The kind of love that was not about possession. The kind that wasn’t forced. Because true love— Wasn’t that about wanting someone to choose you? To love you back—for who you were—and not because you were forcing them into a life they never wanted? I winced. Even in my own mind, the thought sounded pathetic. I turned the water colder, bracing against the icy sting. My arousal throbbed against my palm, desperate for relief, but I ignored them.

Worse. _I don’t want to marry you. I know that’s crazy. I don’t want to kiss you in front of Mom. I don’t want a future. I want one night where you look at me and don’t see Ri, your sister. Just Ri. I want to touch your face and not feel guilty after. I want to stop hating myself for wanting it._ _That’s it. That’s all. I’m not trying to ruin your life. I just want to stop lying in my head._

“No children have come out of the five years you and Natalie spent together. A family as large as the Moores needs an heir. Natalie having a child outside the marriage was also for the sake of the Moore family.” A cold feeling spread through my body. Suddenly, I was the party at fault for not making Natalie pregnant, and she was the kind and thoughtful one for having betrayed me. My righteous anger apparently spoke of nothing else but selfishness. “What if I say I want a divorce?” I stared at Julian.

I felt my chest tighten, and before I knew it, I was sitting on the edge of the bed. “If that’s the case,” I said, my voice cracking, “why do you want me to live and eat under your roof? Oh, I get it. You want me to be your secret. Your… sex mate. But hidden from the world. Is that right?” Tears were already gathering at the corners of my eyes. I hated that he could still make me feel like this. Victor moved closer. I could see the regret in his eyes, or maybe I imagined it. He sighed, like he was about to explain, but then… my phone rang.