I Feel Like I Lost Myself Novels & Stories

Looked up. Didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. Hair? Wrecked. Skin? Dull. Eyes? Puffy and red. I didn't look like this this morning. Guess you really can lose yourself for love. I'd loved Jacob for years. With the wedding coming up, I thought we'd finally made it. Didn't see it was already falling apart. I took a deep breath, tried to shut down the spiral, and grabbed my phone. [Short one groom for this wedding. Anyone want the job?]

"It's not your fault. Perhaps if I hadn't been so damn clingy and bitchy toward Drake perhaps him and I could have become more than what we were." She glancs down at her food for a moment before looking back at me. "Especially if I hadn't been so cold and hurtful to Jace, Drake would have let us be more than fuck buddies. I was so damn stupid because I was jealous of Jace and his relationship with Drake, my fear was that Jace was going to 'turn' D gay which I know now is stupid." "I've also done a lot of self reflecting this last year of my life and I've come to the conclusion in all reality I hated that Jace was so damn confident with his sexuality that he knew who he was and who he loved."

I lost Marcus, and now I have to accept the fact that I'm also losing myself. It's been a month that I am keeping this to Maria; it's been a month since I started to feel this thing. I don't want her to get worried because I know her. I've been feeling uneasy this month, and then when I went to have a check-up, I found out that I had been sick for too long. It's hard to accept, but it's already happening. I didn't only lose Marcus; now I'm also losing myself. I'm losing everything.

I offer you freedom. 'I don't think I can spend my life like this, enduring it. At some point I'll hit bottom and I don't know if I can get out of it for having lost myself in a world that's not mine, to which I don't belong... what else can I lose?' That's why... —What do I have to do?

“one thing you should at least know about me is that I don’t believe in self-pity. It gets old so fast.” My brows raise in question and amusement. “Isn't that what you are doing right now?” “I told you, I was feeling nostalgic for a moment. It's all passed now.” We are silent for a beat. “I know this is all confusing and heavy.” “it's not for me. For the first time in a very long time, I finally feel like myself. I am back to being me, and that is something I never knew I would ever get to be ever again.”

But for the first time in my life, I felt like I was losing. ****

And with every minute that passes, I’m feeling more and more like I’ve lost something very, very important. Like I’ve lost a part of my own body or soul.

The way I felt was sexy, fierce, and everything I wanted to be for the rest of my life-confident. It felt like ever since I lost my father and found out Andre was cheating on me, I lost a part of myself. The part that loved singing so loud in a quiet room full of people just to make one person laugh. The part that would laugh so loud and didn't care who was watching or judging. The part that was perfectly fine with being the person I was. Now, it feels like that part is lost. It hurts to even look at myself in the mirror, and it feels as though I have no one to talk to about it without receiving a 'shut up' or 'it'll get better'.

A gentle ripple of laughter moved through the crowd. I steadied myself. “This song… it came from a version of me I wasn’t sure I would ever get back to.” A pause. My voice softened. “There was a time not too long ago where I lost everything that made me feel like myself. My voice didn’t feel like mine. My life didn’t feel like mine. Even my future felt… distant.”

After I removed my clothing it stayed scattered on the bed while I stood before the mirror wearing only my bra and trousers. The pressure became too much to handle and I whispered "Oh my goodness, I don't know what I've gotten myself into". I needed to find a person who could provide me with guidance regarding my present situation. "I need to call my family," I declared as I picked up my phone again. "I need to speak to... someone." Navigating through my phone's contact list made me feel like I was losing connection with who I really am. The feeling of desperation started to overwhelm me as I quietly admitted "I'm losing myself".