I Thought It Was Just Me Novels & Stories

It was never about me. The thought sank into my chest, a weight I couldn't shake. He wasn’t interested in me at all, not in any meaningful way. I had been a passing moment — something to pass the time, to entertain him when there was nothing else. I looked at the screen in front of me, blinking at the words on the page that made no sense. I was supposed to be doing work. Focus. But my mind was elsewhere, running in circles. I shouldn’t have let it happen. I shouldn’t have given him that power. But at the same time, I felt like there was no other choice.

I hated the idea that it mattered to me in any other way. "Shit," I muttered aloud when I realized that's what I was thinking. I leaned back against the seat, closing my eyes for a moment. "She's my friend." Nothing more. I repeated those words to myself like a mantra, like a shield against what was growing inside me. But the shield had cracks, and I knew it. Ian gave me a quick glance, as if he could read my mind. He didn't say anything, but I could feel his gaze on me, and the whole thing sucked.

Yes, I had been half asleep, but I clearly remember him saying that he would be back before I knew it. "You make rules and you don't even follow them," I mumbled to myself, then froze, a sudden jolt going through me. The horror of my thought snapped me upright, my eyes bulging as I realized what I had been thinking. "I must be even more lonely than I thought. There is no fucking way I miss him... I don't even want him here in the first place!" I shook my head, turned to the fridge, and yanked it open. Then I stared, my brows drawing together.

I said, maybe sharper than I meant to. He studied me for a moment longer, then nodded and turned away. We headed toward the car we brought, and I kept thinking why I was making such a big deal out of everything when he seemed unbothered. I had to stop acting like an idiot and pull my shit together. I told myself it was nothing. Just a moment. Just… a reaction. People touch you, you react. That’s all it was. But my chest still ached like I’d done something wrong.

I stopped pacing, looking around the room. His shoes were still by the couch. A glass he used earlier sat on the table. “Think,” I told myself. “Just think.” But my mind kept going back to his face. The way he looked at me. Not angry, just disappointed. Like something in him had shut down completely. I swallowed hard. “I didn’t mean for it to go this far,” I said quietly. But that didn’t change anything. Didn’t undo anything. Didn’t bring him back. My phone buzzed in my hand.

How toxic my mind is. And the fact that It was all because of me and if it wasn’t me it would never have happened. Why is everything like this? Can I just die it why it should be the person who's important to me be affected like this, So many lives have been lost because of my negligence I have not even been able to save them. I know it is just a test but I can't really accept everything that's happening, it's so sudden it's shocking and It made me want to give up everything

I said, too quickly. We started walking, and my thoughts chased me like a pack of their own. Because Tessa’s comment didn’t just annoy me. It landed somewhere personal. And the most unsettling part wasn’t that she’d tried to make it personal. It was that… for a second, it already was.

I wanted to be more. "I thought... I thought maybe this was different," I whispered, looking down at the floor. "I’m not an idiot. I know how this started. But sitting in that ramen shop with you, or being here in your house... I started to wonder if I actually meant something to you. Or am I just the next name you’re going to cross off your list?"

I mutter to myself. My thoughts still swirling, I try to push away the image of Selena and Mateo at the hospital, but it continues to haunt me. I find myself replaying the scene over and over in my mind, my doubts about my initial reaction growing stronger. "Maybe I was wrong," I whispered, myself "Maybe they're just friends, and I'm just being paranoid."

But that doesn’t mean they don’t care. I thought... I thought he would understand. I thought he’d know ‘those people’ aren’t just people, but me. No. I was wrong, or maybe not. Maybe it’s just the fact that... that I was overthinking.