I Thought It Was Just Me Novels & Stories

“Can you not think that you being blind is a hindrance to us? To me? Because it isn’t and I never thought about that in that way since then.” “I just feel useless that’s all.”

It was knowing, deep down, that he thought he was doing this for me. And that somehow, without meaning to, he’d made it all bigger. And louder. And harder. And I hadn’t even been in the room.qq

People continue with their day. The moment disappears for everyone else. But not for me. Because one thought follows me all the way to first period. I could’ve stopped it. Not just today. Any day. Last week. Last year. The hundred other times it happened. I could’ve said something. Done something. Been better than this. And I didn’t. For the first time in a long time, I don’t like what that says about me. What’s worse? I think Ella figured that out long before I did.

She declared, walking away. I released the breath I was holding, thoughts of Mia returning to my head. “You've got to be kidding me,” I muttered under my breath, when I looked down and saw how hard I had grown. All because I was thinking of Mia.

I tried guessing what it could be, what could happen right now that could make all of this go away but came up with nothing. Maybe I was overthinking this afterall, I thought to myself.

I stared blankly at the space around me, my mind racing. It was just a dream. I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated and confused. "Fuck! It was just a dream," I muttered to myself, feeling a strange mix of relief and disappointment. I had honestly thought it was real. “Instead of killing her, just let her leave this place.”

But in the back of my mind, one thought kept repeating itself over and over again. And that was I don’t think I was fully ready to tell him about it—well, not yet.

Every person I had walked past had avoided me as far as they could though I couldn't care less of it. The thought that whirled itself in my mind had only been one thing. Who had hurt her.

Even in my darkest times, part of me knew it was all in my head. It didn't stop me from thinking those paranoid thoughts. It didn't stop them from consuming me. We were out with friends. Other friends. Their faces became blank in my memories, smooth and plastic and unimportant. In recollection, I only remembered Minah and Axel and Natasha. It was likely because I wasn't paying attention. I was daydreaming, always daydreaming, and the daydream that took over my every moment both day and night was Axel.

I shouted with my tie in my hands feeling uncomfortable in my trousers as I walked out, wishing I could lock him in. I stomped into class. My mind was still a bit messed up because of all that had happened in the heated locker room. I was in a war with my brain and dick. Why would he hold me like that and still say that he hated me? "Oh fuck," I swallowed when I realized that Khalil was in this particular class. I was not mentally ready to see those brown eyes and that stupid smirk of his on those lips. Why was I acting like this? "Oh fuck indeed."