Online Dating Funny Quotes

What are you supposed to do when you find your Alpha mate and he is much older than you and already has a fiancé'? What would you do when you find out he is trying to juggle both of you? When you confront him at a fancy upscale restaurant in the city and meet your hot new neighbors that just happen to be the rival hockey team captains and twins. After that, the hot twins transfer to your college while one has decided to try to bully you. The other asked you to pretend to be his new girlfriend so he can dump his latest girlfriend and help you get rid of your pestering ex. He thinks it's a win/ win. A total no-brainer. However, things quickly take a turn and get extremely complicated. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living, or dead, is entirely coincidental.

He’s arrogant, infuriating, impossible to ignore. And most especially, the last person I had ever wanted until my cheating boyfriend leaves me exposed and vulnerable. Now, I’m forced into a fake relationship with his worst enemy. Publicly we’re perfect, privately, the sparks between us are scorching. Every touch, every stolen glance, every heated argument makes it harder to remember this is supposed to be fake. And suddenly, the man I hated isn’t just my ex's rival, he is the one I can’t stop craving.

I ruined his jersey. And now he is ruining my life. Axel Wolfe, was the university's hockey king and a certified jerk, I don't really know what came over me that day, but I ruined his precious hockey jersey, spilling latte all over it, not only that I bruised his ego infront of his teammates and fans, and left as if I haven't done anything, the next morning he makes me his personal tutor just to mess with me then he ups the stakes… “Fake date me,” he says. He offered to help to piss off my ex, I should have said no, but I agreed thinking I was playing the game. Turns out, I’m the one being played.

I ordered an incubus online, but when the package arrived, there were two of them. One was gentle and obedient, the other was hot-tempered and unpredictable. I immediately messaged customer service to ask if they'd sent the wrong one—I had only ordered the gentle kind. The reply came cheerfully. "Congratulations, you've unlocked the hidden variant! This model is a bit special—buy one, get one free!" Wait… what? I remembered hearing people say that raising an incubus is like raising a puppy, only better—they keep you warm at night and don't shed. Well, if that's true, whether I had one or two made no difference. So I ended up paying the price of one and getting two—what a steal! Or so I thought… until I went to feed them. That's when I realized I was the cookie in the middle of a sandwich. Apparently, "keeping me warm at night" was a strenuous activity.

THIS BOOK CONTAINS VOLS. 1 AND 2. THE FIRST IS A YOUNG ADULT BULLY ROMANCE AND A GOOD GIRL, WHILE THE SECOND IS A BILLIONAIRE CEO AND STRIPPER ROMANCE. -- BOOK ONE He owns the school. I barely survive it. When my best friend Matt chooses my bully over me, something in me snaps. Then Lucien Knox Ravenscroft steps in. Heir to Ravenscroft Academy, dangerous, untouchable, and very aware that she is his ex. He offers me a deal: a fake relationship that turns the school upside down. I want Matt to regret everything. He wants revenge for being replaced. Then comes his bet. If Matt notices me again, I win. If not, I’m Lucien’s for as long as he wants me. The more we fake it, the more real it feels. And Lucien never plays soft. BOOK TWO: Aurora Harrison never planned to become Barbie Noir, the most coveted stripper in New York’s elite underground club. But when her mother fell sick, and her father cut her off, she did what she had to survive. Five years later, she dances in the shadows, praying the ghosts of her past never find her. But some ghosts always return. Kai Mercer is no longer the golden boy she once loved. At thirty, he is a billionaire CEO with a secret empire built on desire, power, and sin. The world sees a polished businessman, but behind closed doors, "It's been a long time, Aurora." He rules the city’s most forbidden club, hidden from his father and the public… and from the girl who broke him. Until Aurora walks into his private suite for a twenty-thousand-dollar dance. One look. One whisper. One spark. He wants her back—obsessively, dangerously, completely.

It all started as revenge. Cassie Monroe was humiliated and betrayed by her boyfriend and best friend at a party she was supposed to be celebrated at. She didn’t think the night could get worse until she found herself tangled in the sheets with Ledger Rivers, the infamous playboy and captain of the school hockey team. It was supposed to be a one night stand but Ledger had other plans. To keep the rumors at bay, he proposes a fake relationship and Cassie agrees, thinking she can control the lie. What she didn’t expect was Ledger's relentless pursuit, his tenderness behind the charm, or the way he slowly chips at her guarded heart. As the line between fake and real blurs, secrets resurface, old flames ignite chaos, and Cassie must decide if she can risk her heart for the boy who never plays fair. And when feelings start to feel too real, will she walk away again? Or will she finally let herself fall?

Aku Prilly, kata orang aku wanita mandiri, kuat, pekerja keras dan bisa diandalkan keluarga. Tapi mereka tidak tahu kalau aku hampir gila! Setiap hari aku harus menghadapi Bos di kantorku yang dingin, kejam dan suka menekan. Tingkahnya selalu membuat kami karyawannya mengelus dada, hingga aku menamainya si Raja Neraka. Dari situ aku sadar, kalau sekuat apapun seseorang, tidak mungkin bisa bersandar di bahunya sendiri, aku butuh seseorang yang mendukungku melewati ini semua. Hingga dalam kesepian dan depresiku satu tahun yang lalu, aku mendownload sebuah aplikasi dating dan berkenalan dengan Mr. Bossy. Kehadiran Mr. Bossy cukup mewarnai hidupku. Terkadang kami menjadi teman, ada kalanya dia menjadi penasehatku, penyemangatku. Bahkan kami juga kerap bertukar gairah dengan cara yang biasa di sebut phone s*x. Tapi sudah satu tahun kami berhubungan, tidak juga ada wacana pertemuan. Aku bingung! Hingga pada suatu ketika, musibah menerpaku. Aku terlilit hutang dan dalam kesulitan keuangan yang harus segera di bereskan. Mr. Bossy menawarkan bantuan dan kami memutuskan untuk bertemu di sebuah cafe. Dan setelah aku tahu siapa dia, saat itulah kekonyolan ini di mulai… Masalahku mungkin teratasi, tapi hidupku justru menjadi semakin pelik. Namun mungkinkah aku akhirnya juga baper?

Iniwan ni Celine, isang kilalang modelo, ang kanyang matagumpay na karera sa mundo ng pagmomodelo alang-alang sa kahilingan ni Nicolas at ng kanyang biyenang babae. Ngunit ano ang kanyang napala? Pagkatapos ng limang taon ng pagsasama bilang mag-asawa, ipinakilala ni Nicolas ang ibang babae bilang kanyang kalaguyo—dahil lamang hindi mabigyan ni Celine ng anak si Nicolas, at hindi rin siya makapagbigay ng apo sa kanyang mga biyenan. Lingid sa kaalaman ni Nicolas at ng kanyang pamilya, nagdadalan-tao na pala si Celine. Balak niyang ibalita ang magandang balita sa gabi ng kanilang ikalimang anibersaryo bilang mag-asawa. Subalit, matapos ang maraming pagtitiis at pananahimik, dumating din ang oras na sumuko si Celine. Pinili niyang tuluyang lumayo sa buhay ni Nicolas. Inilihim niya ang kanyang pagbubuntis, at sa halip ay nangakong ipapalasap sa asawa at biyenan ang sakit ng pagkakanulo sa kanya. Ano kaya ang susunod na mangyayari?

Scarlett Hayes only wants one thing—to survive her last two years at Westwood Academy. As a scholarship student surrounded by the children of billionaires, staying invisible is the safest option. Especially when it comes to Ronan Whitmore. The school's most feared boy. Ronan is rich, powerful, and completely unpredictable. Rumors follow him everywhere—fights, scandals, and secrets no one dares talk about. Scarlett has spent years avoiding him. Until the day Ronan approaches her with a shocking offer. He needs a fake girlfriend. Just for three months. Public dates, convincing photos, and the appearance of a perfect relationship. In return, Ronan promises to solve a problem that could destroy Scarlett’s future at Westwood. She knows it's a terrible idea. Everyone warns her to stay away from him. But Scarlett quickly learns something even more dangerous than Ronan Whitmore’s reputation. The way he looks at her isn’t fake. And the longer they pretend to be in love, the harder it becomes to remember that none of it is supposed to be real. Because the boy everyone fears might be hiding a truth that could ruin both of them. And if their fake relationship falls apart… Scarlett might become the next victim of the most dangerous boy in school.

(WARNING: R18. Contains shameless, explicit smut. Not intended for young viewers.) *** "Rune," Xavier called, his voice a low, throaty groan that sent heat straight to my core. "Baby, you don't have to do this." Determination surged through me, lighting my nerves on fire. "I want to." That was without a doubt. Even though I have no idea what the hell I'm about to do. I'm about to rely on the wild tales Marcella told me, and that one lesson with a banana. Fucking hell. I'm about to suck her dad off...using her own lessons! **** Rune Vitali is the poster child for "down on your luck." Out of a job, black sheep of her family, and mentally exhausted, the last thing she expects is to find her boyfriend cheating on her with his stepbrother just a day before she brings him home. Hurt and angry, she goes to a bar to drink her worries away. There she meets a handsome stranger. One night of hasty decisions lead to massive fallout. Not only was this stranger Xavier Creighton, the country's most popular and ruthless Criminal Lawyer, he was also her best friend's father. And her new boss. If her life was bad before, it's about to get even worse. How long can she keep her dirty little secret before her best friend finds out? Or before the scandal blows up and ruins her forever? She should stay away. But there's something about Xavier she can't resist. Something almost...supernatural. Like there's a force pulling them together, one she can't resist no matter how hard she tries.