Sex Joke Novels & Stories

But as soon as it was over and I kicked him out of my bed, the depression tried to seep through again. "Yeah, that's ridiculous. As I said, it's time to celebrate." My sister is quite the serial dater and she's also a registered nurse. So to her, sex is like a study of the human body, just one that she particularly likes. "You just don't find sex as fun because you've only hooked up with what's-his-face, and he was probably like a starfish. He just laid out and did nothing while he got to finish. You need to find someone to give you an orgasm..."

He had never heard anyone expressed those words in a sentence before. Was she that drunk, so drunk that she was coming onto him. Did she even know the definition of sex, at least Alexander's definition of sex? He wasn't a man that did sex. He was a psycho that gave his all, tore through a night with any woman that got his manhood standing.

Knowing someone else stole his woman. ‘People do stupid things’. He just ‘’hmmm’’ed. ‘Have you ever been to a sex club?’ His question was super random, but, I'm sure there was a reason. ‘No, never’. ‘Ever considered it?’ I honestly hadn’t but I was curious as to why he was asking. ‘Why?’ ‘I used to go all the time with my wife. It's not as seedy as it sounds. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you can just watch. It's an enjoyable environment.’.

I grinned, "and we had make-up sex in the woods." "Make-up sex! Why would you two have make-up sex...you're perfect...you agree on everything." "Oh, I'll tell him." "I got drunk and talked too much with Janie...and now she's checking him out." "What the hell did you say?" "It was girl talk; I talked about his penis...and she wanted to talk about his butt. She likes his tush and, of course, I had to comment. You know how it is?" "I understand...he does have a cute ass."

Jessica retorted. Kellie smirked and responded, "Geez, you take everything so seriously. I'm just teasing you. But honestly, you're way too wound up about sex. You're twenty, for God's sake. It's time to let loose and embrace your sexuality like the rest of us."

she crack*d up laughing. “You are so dead,” I mouthed to Samantha and her eyes instantly turned into huge saucers before she turned back to the video calling sextuplet sister of hers. “So umm, Dre and Xeon should rest. They clearly did something hansy pansy in the forest, they clearly reek of “it”. Might openly say that they engaged in Olympic style sex. So I will call you back soon, Joy,” Samantha replied hurriedly.

, he sounded so sarcastic and I couldn't just control my laughter anymore - dude was practically being funny. " My goodness", I held my chest in surprise and shock, " wait, like, for you to be able to know all these, do you take pictures of the dicks that ride you and write an analysis of how they performed in bed?" I asked because he was literally being sex smart. " Not really, I mean, you don't really have to do that to know the type of dick you really enjoyed", he said casually. " I really recommend you write a text book on that topic", he started laughing, " I'm being serious, you'll definitely sell out in no time", I said, keeping a stern face to let him know that I was being serious.

“So… 1. Staying silent. No guy likes screwing a mute. 2. No initiative. I hate women who lie there like inflatable dolls waiting for the guy. 3. Making comparisons. ‘Your cock’s huge! Your cock’s amazing, so-and-so’s was sausage-sized… and crooked.’ Man, I don’t care about the cocks she’s tried. 4. Faking an orgasm. Believe me, women are pros at this, and I’ll never understand why. I’m there to make them come… but if they fake it, I can’t. What’s the damn fear of taking an hour to climax? 5. Not touching the cock. My cock’s the most erogenous part of my body. It’s the male clit. Touch my cock, baby, and you’ll see paradise.” “God help me!” “I’m kidding, almost-teenager,” he clarified. “Not a

“I don’t do kisses. But if you'd serve up that ass, of course I’d grace it with my cock.” “I hear big black cocks are in demand.” “That’s right,” he stopped at my front door as we tried not to laugh. We both had the same thought. Axel would be scandalized to see this. He hated the gay jokes, so it became a sport Sean and I perfected much to his annoyance. I unlocked my front door, and as soon as I stepped in, I knew someone had been here. Sean saw it too, because he whistled behind me. I took quick strides towards the stairs, past the Persian rugs where I had sunk in Olivia’s warmth two nights ago, and hurried up to my study.

"No, I don't take part in anything extreme." "Threesome?" "Just normal sex," he said. "Nothing related to being a sadist or masochist." "You really are boring," I told him as a joke. He glanced at me with his judging eyes. "This boring man just made you cum more than once." "Yeah, well, you were great." The memories from what we did a few moments ago suddenly flashed through my head and I almost rolled my eyes from the thought of him getting way too deep inside me. "So... what happens now?"