Short Dirty Jokes Novels & Stories

“Let’s see how long your jokes last.” The short guy opened the container, revealing an assortment of horrifying tools… pliers, knives, and even a tiny saw. He picked up a scalpel and held it up to the dim light. “Sharp enough to carve turkey,” he said with a grin. “Great,” Nora said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Thanksgiving’s come early.” Even I couldn’t help but let out a shaky laugh. The boss, however, wasn’t amused. “Enough games,” he growled. “You have five seconds to start talking.”

"What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine." "Please stop," Ashlyn laughed, covering her face with her hands. "Your jokes are getting worse." "My jokes are berry good, thank you very much." He grinned, clearly proud of himself. "Get it? Berry?" "I'm filing for divorce." "No, you're not. You love my dad jokes." "I tolerate them at best." Richard leaned forward, still holding the strawberry. "What do you call a fake noodle?" "Don't—" "An impasta!" Despite herself, Ashlyn burst out laughing. "That's it. I'm leaving."

"Pregnancy has become disadvantage to you, Kitcat...I bet he'll tell you the grass is too green for you to step outside tomorrow." "Shut up, Liam. I'm not trying to make jokes." "And see...your pregnancy has become a disadvantage to me too...look at him snapping at me because of a fetus." "I'd advise you to shut your mouth, Liam...his face is getting red, it's about to swell...he's transforming into..." "Angry bird!" Liam and Fredd bursted out into hysterical laughing at their apparently funny joke...but Zillon didn't seem to find it funny, he was as serious as judge. "F*cking idiots..."

“Jesse, my man, which is why I’m encouraging you to talk some more! It doesn’t have to be about anything life changing. If you were me I’d say crack a joke but I don’t know if you even know any jokes.” “I know jokes.” His face lit up. “Oh yes? Tell me one then.” “Can you guess what the therapist said when I told my therapist I’m scared of dying alone? “Uh, no what?” “He said, “Most people don’t die with the company,” I said, chuckling. “Get it?” Rain looked at Matt. “Matt, am I supposed to laugh at that?” “Ideally someone is supposed to laugh when they tell a joke,” Matt said with a sigh. “Jesse, what have I told you about your morbid jokes?”

It felt good—light, like a breath of fresh air in this park where the wind rustled the leaves around us. We sat on the bench after that, side by side, our shoulders almost touching. He started telling these silly jokes—the kind that weren’t even funny, just dry and ridiculous, like “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.” Corny as hell. But I laughed anyway, hard and genuine, because the real joke was how bad they were, how he delivered them with that straight face like he thought they were gold. It warmed me up inside, chasing away the chill for a bit.

“You know, Ruby, we learned a joke yesterday. Want to hear it?” I nod eagerly, intrigued by the joke that has captured their attention. “Alright,” Ethan begins, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Why don’t grumpy people like corn on the cob?” Playing along, I pretend to ponder the question. “Hmm, I’m not sure. Why don’t they?” “Because they think it’s ‘a-maize-ing’ that anyone could be happy!” Ethan bursts into laughter, and soon, the infectious giggles spread throughout the room.

I checked my phone as James sent me another dirty joke, laughing as he looked at my face, waiting to see my reaction. We’d been having quality time together for three days and James had replaced the table he’d broken in the living room. It was still early, only seven am. We’ve always been early risers and I was surprised that Malachi hadn’t joined us yet. “You know this is weird right.” James started laughing again as I finished my coffee. “No, it’s not.” He began to type furiously on his phone again, a smile on his face. “Why can’t you just tell the joke?” James looked at me like I was an idiot and motioned his eyes towards Shoran and Adara.

She barely laughed at his jokes. “What’s funny?”

I was seriously considering sneaking out, but that will definitely attract more attention. Jerry continued, “My roommate was like, 'Sure man, no problem, I'll take the couch. I just want her to be comfortable; she is going through a rough time. She had just had a breakup.' I interrupted him, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, 'Dibs.' My roommate asked, 'What, the couch?'" The crowd laughed, and I was somewhat shocked; I had heard of comedians altering their experiences to make their stories funny, but I was a bit concerned about where he was going to take this joke.

SCARLETT'S POV. I was completely right. The party was boring as hell, and from the looks of things we weren't even near done here. And then even worse, the annoying as fuck MC who thoughts his jokes were so funny but they were obviously not, had been wasting so much time on the third segment of the programme which was jokes and riddles, that I almost threw my shoe at him. If I heard one more uncle joke coming from his mouth, I could just do it right there, damning all the consequences.