tell me a filipino joke

WARNING: [R18] STORY WITH EXTREMELY EXPLICIT CONTENT She considered herself as Andrew's number one fan. Si Andrew Scott, isang sikat na actor at dito lamang umikot ang mundo ni Lana mula pagkabata. Pangarap niya itong makita at mayakap. Pangarap niya itong pakasalan. Pero hindi niya inakala minsan man na ang lahat ng pangarap at pantasya niya tungkol kay Andrew ay maaaring magkaroon ng mas nakakakilig pa palang mga eksena. Mas higit pa sa inakala niya.Hindi lang madali dahil magkaiba sila ng mundo, kaya napilitan siyang lumayo. Pero tunay nga na nagiging maliit ang mundo sa mga taong itinakda ng tadhana para sa isa't-isa. Dahil muli silang nagkita ng binata makalipas ang tatlong taon. At sa pagkakataong ito alam niyang wala na siyang magagawa pa, kundi ang ipakilala ang binata kay Andrea, ang anak nila na naging bunga ng isang gabing para kay Lana ay siyang katuparan ng matagal na niyang pag-ibig para sa hinahangaang artista.

Isabel Rodriguez is working as a journalist for six years and she was assigned to interview Callix Montero who is a well-known businessman. Callix Montero is not only a businessman, he's also a billionaire. He's handsome. He's hot. A lot of women are fantasizing him. Unang kita pa lang niya dito ay aminado na siya sa sarili niya na gusto na niya ito. Akala ni Isabel ay mai-interview na niya ang guwapong si Callix ng araw na 'yon ngunit hindi pa pala. Callix told her that he'll only allow her to interview him if she would have sex with him. Hindi siya puwedeng magsumbong sa editor-in-chief nila dahil nalaman niya na pamangkin si Callix nito. Kahit magsumbong siya ay wala siyang magagawa kundi ang pumayag sa gusto nito. Pumayag si Isabel na makipag-sex kay Callix para ma-interview ito. Mahal niya ang kanyang trabaho at kapag hindi niya nagawa 'yon ay posibleng mawalan siya ng trabaho. Dahil sa pagpayag niyang 'yon sa nais na mangyari ni Callix ay tuluyan na ngang nagbago ang takbo ng buhay niya. Habang tumatagal na nakakasama niya ito ay mas lalong lumalalim ang nararamdaman niya? Ano'ng gagawin niya? Is he the perfect man for her or a perfect man to destroy her life forever?

Warning: Matured 18+ contents! MARANGYANG pamumuhay kagaya ng nararanasan ni Celestine Rain Alcazar ay isang malaking kasinungalingan. Kahit ang totoo ay nakakulong siya sa isang kahong walang kalayaan upang ipakita ang tunay niyang pagkatao. Pera, alahas, kayamanan, kalayawan, maalwang buhay, natatanging kagandahan at talino—a perfect barbie-like figure and most men are drooling over her. Sa kabila niyon ay may kulang pa rin na hindi kayang bilhin ng pera, ang isang kasiyahang matagal na niyang hinahangad. Pakiramdam na naiipit at nakalubog ang isang paa sa hukay nang magpasya ang kanyang ina sa arranged marriage kay Ezekiel Bellevera—isang playboy hunk. Hindi alam ng kanyang ina ang malalim na pagtatago niya ng mahabang taon sa kanyang tunay na pagkatao. Dahil hindi ang klase ni Ezekiel ang kanyang inaasam. She’s a mystery of being Not A Saint and she will prove that everybody is. Ngunit paano kung mahuli niya ang kayang fiancé at ang taong mahal niya na gumagawa ng milagro sa likuran niya? Kaya ba niyang magpatawad at kalimutan ang lahat o mag-uumpisa na ang paghihiganti niya sa mga Adan na sumira ng kanyang buhay?

STORY WITH EXPLICIT/MATURE CONTENT [R18]: (FIND ME: A LOVE THROUGH ETERNITY SEQUEL) Hindi pinangarap minsan man ni Jenny sa buhay niya ang maging kabit pero nangyari parin iyon. Kaya naman hindi siya nagdalawang isip na lumayo upang makalimot nang malaman niya ang totoo. But life is full of surprises dahil muling nagtagpo ang landas nilang dalawa ni Jason. Si Jason, ang lalaking unang umangkin ng lahat ng kaya niyang ibigay, at sa pagkakataong ito aware si Jenny na ang desire niya para sa dating nobyo ay mas matindi, at ganoon rin naman ito sa kaniya. The reason why she is so ready to get burned. Masyadong malakas ang pangangailangan nila para sa isa’t-isa that can even happen kahit sa simpleng pagtatama lamang ng kanilang mga mata.

Lies and broken promises, temporary feelings and ruined relationships. Kelsey's view of love was long tainted after being a product of a broken family. She's never one to patronize infidelity. Third parties and secrets, all bullshit. But she meets Zephaniah Ferriol, and suddenly, everything weren't too normal anymore. She found herself in a position she hated the most. Her views were swayed. Her principles were tested. Her heart was torn.In a chase for dreams and in a battle of principles against emotions, Kelsey fought not to be with him. But all things forbidden are hard to resist.

WARNING: [R-18] STORY WITH EXTREMELY EXPLICIT/MATURE CONTENT) Nang makilala ni Ara si Daniel Trinidad, ang pinakanakakainis na tao sa kaniyang mundo, she actually met the man of her dreams. Ang kaniyang knight in a shining armor na nakahanda siya protektahan anuman ang mangyari. At kahit pa sabihing mistula silang mga aso at puso, nagawa pa rin ni Daniel na gawing kulay rosas ang kaniyang paligid. And soon, thorns. Iyon ay ang sakit na hatid ng katotohanang kailangan niya itong pakawalan at tanggapin ang isang mapait na katotohanan. That their love for each other is not for them to share for life but for eternity.

One night in a dark alley, Hobin was attacked by his classmates with a baseball bat on various parts of his body, they even burned his left eye with a cigarette which caused him to be hospitalized for several weeks. This was followed by the successive deaths of those who beat him.

Trixie is wild and takes after her biker father. When she loses her position at her apprenticeship, she works in a club. As she dances her way to earn money, her boss asks her to do a private dance for a customer. After a lot of refusing, Trixie agrees. With the mask on, she dances for him, and after a passionate kiss and a little more, Trixie is left on the edge craving more. Not just more, but him.She leaves to visit her parents. Sitting by the pool, her dads shocked glare at her has her worried as he spots the tattoo. Her dad points it out to his best friend, Damon. Only a sickening look crosses Damon's face. Trixie soon finds out, the man who brought her pleasure just days before is the man she has always called Uncle, her fathers best friend, nearly twenty years older than her.As they start a secret affair that is meant to just be fun., someone falls in love. Unfortunately, that love puts Trixie in a difficult situation when her past shows up at her parents and uses every weakness she has. Will her dad find out about her affair with Damon? Will Damon and her dad find out the truth about the person from her past, and just how will they solve it?WARNINGS: This book contains scenes of BDSM, including but not limited to. Dominance, submission, bondage, edge play, and more. This book also includes Daddy kink. (Trixie calls Damon Daddy.) This book also contains scenes of abuse. The book also features scenes of rape. However, these scenes are blacked out and do not go into great detail.Ultimately, this book is smut, so most chapters will have some sexual references or sexual play.

Amy writes on her blog about her dates with men. Her readers challenge her to date certain people and pay when she has completed the challenge. She doesn't believe in love until the rich and cocky Jason Carson comes on her path. To be with him is forbidden, but he is as tempting as he is annoying, while pursuing her. Their desire is more than they can handle. The more they learn about each other, the deeper their struggle becomes.

WARNING: [R18] STORY WITH EXPLICIT CONTENT Sa pagtakas ni Mia mula sa malungkot na buhay na ibinigay sa kaniya ng demonyo niyang kinakasama na si Bernie, isa lang ang hangarin niya. Ang magbagong buhay. Ang maging lubusang masaya. Hanggang sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon ay muli silang nagkita ni Erik. Si Erik ang unang lalaking minahal ni Mia. Isang uri ng pagmamahal na siya at ang hangin lamang ang nakakaalam. Dahil hindi niya iyon naipagtapat sa binata noong mga bata pa sila. Hindi nawala sa puso niya ang pagmamahal na iyon. Dahil sa loob ng mahabang panahon, aminado siya na ito lamang ang lalaking minahal niya. At iyon ang dahilan kaya nagagawa niyang ibigay kay Erik ang sarili niya. Nang paulit-ulit, kahit pa wala silang relasyon, kahit wala itong sinasabi. Masaya siya at totoong nakakalimutan niya si Bernie sa mga pagkakataon na kasama niya ang binata. Alam niyang hindi titigil si Bernie makuha lamang siya nito. Pero wala narin namang silbi sa kaniya ang buhay niya dahil para sa kaniya patapon na iyon. Kaya bago pa man madamay si Erik sa problema niya, mas nanaisin niyang mamatay nalang.