you re so old jokes one liners

"Mommy, Mommy! Look at that mister! Will I be as handsome as him when I grow up?" Liam's question forced me to look at where his finger pointed. "Holy f—" I cut myself off, trying not to curse in front of my son. Why, why, why did I have to run into Alexander Ravenford as soon as I walked out of the airport?! Among the millions of people living in New York, I surely didn't want to meet one—Liam's biological father. Five years ago, my scumbag of a boyfriend cheated on me, and I decided to go on a genuinely therapeutic weekend in the Bahamas. I wasn't looking for a rebound, but somehow I ended up spending a decent amount of time having sex with a man who was basically a stranger—a divinely hot, insanely mouthwatering, and ridiculously irresistible Alexander Ravenford. The morning after brought a disappointing hit in the gut, which assured me that for my Prince Charming, I was only a one-time adventure. But screw that, and screw him! I had plans. I was ready to pursue my dreams and study in London. But then fate decided to throw me another curved ball... I was pregnant, and Alex was the only possible father. I didn't give up. I came back as a successful interior designer and the mother of an amazing boy, Liam. I thought that I would be able to avoid Alexander, but it turned out to be almost impossible. But then it got worse… The arrogant, annoying, and even hotter than before CEO of a multibillion-dollar company became friends with my son—his son! And I have a feeling that the sweet little devil who calls me "Mommy" has a mischievous plan to bring his parents together. Should I give this insane relationship a chance?

When my boyfriend invited me to the school rooftop to watch the fireworks, I went with excitement and anticipation. But what awaited me was a nightmare—a group of thugs ready to destroy me. They tore my clothes off, burned me with cigarettes, and used various objects to torture me. My boyfriend stood there, casually recording everything with his phone. He sneered, "Melanie, this is what you owe Sofia. You'll spend your entire life paying for what happened to her." It turned out he never truly loved me. The time we spent together was all part of his twisted plan for revenge, a plan crafted for his sister. Later, standing by the ocean, I called him. Through tears, I asked, "Will giving my life atone for what happened to your sister?"

It wasn't just about what this lady was wearing. It was her. Something to do with the way she moved. Like she was one with the music and with the stage. The music pounded in a hypnotic rhythm that was unashamedly sexual, and she moved and danced in time to the beat, her movements graceful and seductive. So much confidence and balance. Balance that should have been nearly possible with the length of the heel shoes that she was putting on, but she made it look so natural... So easy, like she'd been born with high, slender spikes attached to her feet. There was something captivating... Almost hypnotizing about this woman, and Dimitri found him self leaning closer to watch. To take in every sight of this beautiful goddess. She was a vision of feminine perfection, every man's fantasy and Dimitri felt sharp claws of lust drag through his loins. On the opposite side, Dimitri saw a man half rise to his feet, a look of longing in his eyes. He didn't blame the man. What man wouldn't be captivated by such a beauty? -------------------- Nervous about assuming control of her father's company, Kelly Darcy relocates to San Francisco. In an attempt to do something she loved one more time before her life changed completely, she volunteers to replace a dancer in her friend, Elizabeth's fashion show and ends up in the arms of Dimitri Collins. It was supposed to be a one night stand. She didn't have to see him again. But Kelly realizes how wrong she was when Dimitri walks into her father's office... And now she has to fight to keep her father's company, while figuring out what she truly feels for Dimitri.

If you're looking for a story with sunshine, unicorns, and cliché endings well you won't find it here. Only Disney does those kinds of stuff, actually, this is a story where hopes and dreams are crushed into tiny little pieces, I know what you're thinking this is so over-dramatic but no, it’s not. I'm just simply telling the truth and the truth can be painful sometimes, anyway this is the tale where our brave main character got caught up with shit. Her life was simple back then robbing banks here and there and hacking stuff but it all changed on a faithful night, which she wants to take back so bad. Now she is plagued into a life with Mafias and Deadly Assassins with everyone out to get her, how can a kid possibly survive through it all? Join Midnight in a fun-filled adventure of a lifetime where she battled her way in a war between the Mafias and assassins, a past that needs reconciling and a promise that needs to be treasured. Where she asks herself in the end, how can a life be so cursed?

"Five years and that's all you have to say to me?" he asked. Standing so close she could taste his breath. She wanted to move away from him. But she didn't want him to know just how much he affected her. So she stood right there. She wasn't going to let him intimidate her. "Well... Is there anything else you want me to say?" she asked The side of his mouth moved upwards. He was smiling? Why the hell was he smiling like that? She thought. She didn't remember saying anything funny. "You left... Kitty" he said. "I asked you to stay... Begged you to stay... And you left anyways.. With him. And now you come back... Acting like everything is okay between us...?" There was something about him... She thought. Something about the way he called her 'Kitty' that made her heart flip. "You shouldn't have gone with him". He said. "Oh really? Why not? Because you didn't want me to?" she asked. She was starting to get angry. "Yeah that's right" he replied. "And because of what you felt for me -what we felt for each other. When I came near you, you felt an excitement so intense that you ceased to breathe --like you are feeling right now. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you. And that should have been enough to make you stay" -------------------- Katherine Kavell has been in love with Jensen Packard ever since she was a teenager... And all she had ever wanted was for him to see her as more than his best friend's sister.Only he never did. So she decided to leave. But when she returns five years later with her son, Jensen Packard knows that he can't let her go for the second time.

Born to lead—destined to die. Due to the pack’s council not accepting her destiny, Amelia is cast into the human world for her safety and grows up unaware of her true power. But everything changes when a package arrives for her before her 18th birthday—letters from her late father that unlock the biggest secret she’d ever discover… “You, my daughter, are a werewolf.” …or so she thought. Determined to uncover the truth behind the dangers that threatened her, Amelia returns to her place of birth—the Silver Moon pack. There, she crosses paths with Everett Shaw, the captivating and frustrating son of the Alpha and future heir. Sparks fly, secrets unravel, and a powerful curse simmers beneath the surface as Amelia searches for answers in a world where trusting the wrong person could be fatal. Power. Legacy. Love. Betrayal. In a world where tradition is law, can a female rewrite the rules? -------------------- Content Warning: The story will begin lighthearted but take a dark turn, with elements of violence, sexual assault and even abuse/torture. There will also be intimate and sexual scenes included throughout different parts of the story. Please be cautious before reading.

My husband did not love me, and he certainly did not love our child. On the day our son was born, he did not even glance at him. He merely tossed him into my arms. Then, his first love came back from overseas. That night, the ever-cold Henry had gotten drunk for the first time. He even smiled as he held our child in his arms. Delighted, our son wrapped his little arms around my husband's neck and asked me in a soft voice, “Mommy, what’s wrong with Uncle?” I crouched down, pulling him into my embrace. My eyes reddened as I explained, “Uncle's favorite person came back, so we shouldn’t bother him anymore. We’re going to find a new home.”

They say, love approaches you at the peak of your youth, but in some cases it happens earlier than expected. Though you don't expect love, it is ageless, timeless, and placeless. Here's an African story of love, a love unexpected , untold, a love that changes , a love that heals. Here's an unconditional love between two uncommon and unlikely persons, two teens though they were world apart, they didn't care, though they were class difference, they cared less. "Adure look into my eyes and tell me you don't love me" These were his words before they parted , a space that made him realize just how much he needed her, a break that made her realize she needed him more than she needed her next breath. I know what your questions may be , what caused Their separation? What transpired between them? How long was the break and oh! What is the lover boy's name. Why don't you find out your self by reading this intriguing Iove story , this undying love story. Oh also this question, how does a break , a big break as that , makes one realize how much he or she longs for / love themselves more, well dear readers it all happened in THAT ONE BIG BREAK

*There was one rule: No dating each other's brothers.* For Layla, this rule was difficult to follow. She had secretly crushed on her best friend's brother, Asher Creed, for years. When Layla tries to pull her attention away from Asher and onto a new guy, she ends up sleeping with the off-limits brother. This amazingly, horrible event pushes them into a secret affair that neither of them can break off. Layla knew hiding behind her best friend's back was horrible, but her feelings for Asher were stronger than the ones gnawing at her. But the deeper Layla gets into her web of lies, the more difficult it becomes to let him go when he disappears from her life completely. Being left confused and heartbroken was all on her, and all because she couldn't follow one simple rule. Trying and failing to move on from him, she comes face-to-face with Asher Creed seven years later and she's still mad over the guy. Will she be able to forgive and forget? Or, will her broken heart and matured thoughts keep him away this time? ONE NIGHT OF SIN SHORT SEX STORIES COLLECTION.

Fatima is beautiful but voluptuous! Not ordinary voluptuousness but like a whale in size. And in her obesity, she was often bullied. One of the bullies is Kier Williams! Whenever their paths crossed, he did nothing but insult, mock, and annoy her. It seems that her obesity is what makes him live happily. He went too far! Fatima was deeply hurt. Her character was so insulted. So when Kier flew to America, Fatima also started to lose weight. Fatima promised herself if Kier returned to the Philippines. He will see a different Fatima. Beautiful with a fabulous figure! She would show him her body that he had insulted before. When they meet again, she is positive that his saliva will drip on her charming beauty and sexiness. It's revenge time! But something else happened. They are put in the situation of arranged marriage. She does not want to marry her mortal enemy. Huh, she is not crazy to do that!