Marriage of Convenience

"So what are you trying to say?" He asked as he stared down at me, trying to read what's running in my head.

I can't blame him. Kung ako man ang nasa posisyon niya ay paniguradong maguguluhan din ako. Who would expect a woman would suddenly approach to man and tries to make an unexpected deal. Even I surprised myself. 

"I'm saying to make a ruse," I paused. "Isipin mo. If we pretend that we are in love and get married, I could finally be free from my aunt, and you will not disappoint your Mom before she... you know what I mean."

"That's absurd. We couldn't pretend to love," He argued.

"We can! If we just fake everything then it wouldn't be so hard. No feelings attached."

"Paano natin 'yan masasabi? How can we say that feelings would never be involved?" He asked.

"Pagkatapos nating magpakasal, we'll still do the charades. We'll just wait for a few months or years and then we'll get divorce," I replied.

"Ayoko," He said firmly.

I rolled my eyes. Akala ko madali lang kumbinsihin ang isang Lev Laurier. They said that he's easy-going and approachable. Madali lang daw siyang kausap. Pero nakalimutan ko pa lang family-oriented din ito. Aside from he loves his family, he also see marriage as sacred, like everybody does! 

"Come on. Why not?"

"I told you naman. I couldn't lie in front of the altar. I can't say I do to you just because of this stupid ruse. And besides, walang divorce sa bansang ito. Siguro may annulment but the fact that we are married in the church means we are not only lying to everyone and to ourselves, but also in front of God," He argued. "I couldn't do that!"

"Who says we're going to be married in church? In the Philippines?" I smirked. "We are going to marry abroad and not in church."

He stared at me, must be thinking if I'm crazy or not. Well, probably the former.

"Sinasabi ko sa'yo ulit. Ayoko," He sighed. "I know that I need to marry someone this season but atleast I should marry someone I might learn how to love." He paused. "And even though we get married, I don't want my Mom to die believing something that is fake."

"Am I not a potential bride?" I asked.

"What?"

I squinted my eyes and took a few steps forward pero humakbang lang din siya paatras. Hindi ako huminto sa paghakbang papalapit sa kanya hanggang sa mahinto siya dahil sa pader. I saw him swallowed hard as I inched my face closer to his.

"Am I not your type?" I asked.

I am undoubtedly pretty. Maraming nagsasabi sa akin at humahanga sa aking ganda and kailanmam ay hindi ko ito ipinagyayabang. Ngayon lang ako naging confident kasi kailangan ko siyang kumbinsihin— even though I know that my chances are thin.

He sighed and slightly pushed me forward. Yup! I expected that from him.

"You're pretty, Kaia. Any guy would turn their heads to you. Kaya lang I'm not the type of guy. I don't want to take advantage of you," He said.

Nilagpasan niya ako saka tinapik ako sa balikat. I sighed. I badly want this to work. Maraming lalake ang may gusto sa akin. They are falling in line, wanting to marry me. Pero bakit si Lev and pinili ko? Because he's not interested in me. I wouldn't have to worry if I'd hurt him in the process kasi he wouldn't care as well. 

Aside from that, we are on the same boat. He wants to get married this season because his mom is dying. Ang sabi ng ina niya ay gusto niya itong makitang makasal bago siya pumanaw. He wants to do as what his mom wants. If my desire of getting married urgent, his reason is more urgent. Kaya akala ko madali lang siyang kumbinsihin. Hindi pala. 

"I'm tired, Lev," I said and face him. "I want to be independent."

"Then be independent," he said and faced me, with a gentle smile on his face. "You can do that, Kaia. You are a strong woman."

"You don't know my aunt," I replied.

"Exactly," He snapped. "I don't know your aunt so solve this matter by yourself. Huwag mo akong damayin sa family issues niyo."

"I'm sorry," Tanging sabi ko.

He's right. This is my problem. Maybe pareho lang kami ng gusto na makasal agad, but he will always know his limits. He wants real love, while I only want temporary. Am I bad at doing so? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm being selfish. 

"I hope you find true love, Kaia," He said and turned his back.

I sighed. That's impossible. I don't do romance. I feel like it would always get in my way. Aside from that, I also don't think a woman needs a partner. I could spoil myself and satisfy myself. Why would I want a man to do those things that I can?

Huminto si Lev sa paglakad papalayo dahil biglang tumunog yung phone niya. I looked at him as he fished his phone on his pockets. He answered the call and put his phone on his ears.

"Ate?" He answered. 

I was quiet while he answers the call. Ate? May mga kapatid pala siya. If I am not mistaken, siya ang bunso at siya din ang nag-iisang lalake sa magkakapatid. That's why he is loved dearly. No wonder he's nice and gentle. He's the baby brother.

"What?!" He exclaimed. "Saang ospital?!"

I got alerted by his sudden outburst. Anong nangyari? Is it his Mom? He mentioned that his Mom refused to be confined in the hospital due to her personal reasons. Now, maybe they rushed her to the hospital because it must be getting serious.

"I'll be there!" He said.

Before he could leave, I stopped him. "Anong nangyari?"

He bit his lower lip and stared at me in the eyes. He looks troubled and confused. I don't know the exact words to describe him. He's looking at my eyes intently as if I was the only person that could help him.

"Kaia," He started as tears started blinding him. "I'm in."