FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

CONNOR

I had been sitting in front of the television for the past thirty minutes, staring blankly at a show I had no interest whatsoever in.

Lola was lying cozily under a blanket beside me, breathing peacefully as she slept, like nothing else in the entire world mattered.

I wasn't sure why she was sleeping out there, but after I got a refill of my bottle from the kitchen, I couldn't leave her be.

The sitting room was silent except for the small other noises that were truly unavoidable, from the endless ticking of the wall clock, the whooshing of the humidifier and the giant heater I had thought to put on because the weather seemed pretty cold, the running of the fridge and Lola's slow snore.

For a moment, I had stared squarely into her face for a clue, as I hoped it wasn't because of the work out incident from the previous day.

But Lola was sleeping too peacefully, it almost felt like I was getting a brutal response to not overthink things.

A couple of times, she had turned in her position to adjust well, and each time, I thought she would wake up. She never did.

That was why when she turned again, the sofa creaking loudly under her weight, I just forced my focus to stay on the television in front of me, instead of glancing back again to look at her.

As soon as I noticed her body relax back into the couch, my gaze flew back to her, my breathing stopping for a second.

Our eyes were matched together and she was staring at me with every question she had unspoken, yet loud, waiting for a reply.

Slowly, I inhaled deeply, then exhaled generously, letting go of how much tension I felt in that moment.

Breaking away from her gaze, I returned to face the television, but it was pointless.

I had to say something sooner or later, and it had to make sense.

I sighed, regretting that I did.

Then, I stood up, straightening my perfectly fine shorts and flattening out my t-shirt, my water bottle - filled, standing on the table in front of me.

I thought about it - what it was and how they were, it just wasn't adding up.

Slowly, I sank back into the couch I had stood from, my brain working for the best words to start with.

I glanced at her again.

She was sitting now, the blanket hanging off her shoulders. Her eyes seemed tired, confused, curious, scared maybe, all in a cold expression that stretched across her face.

What did I think? 

That I was just going to watch her wake up, then she'd thank me for staying with her and then, head back upstairs to freshen up.

I never really thought about ---

"Where am I?" the question rolled off her tongue like it had been sitting there for ages.

"You were passed out on the couch when I got here," I added quickly.

I watched her eyes do this thing where it flutters repeatedly in obvious curiosity.

I wanted to say something else. 

I thought it should say something.

"Are you hungry?" I asked again, desperate to break through the ice of awkwardness that was starting to build around us.

My attention returned to her face and remained there, my mind thinking through the list of possibilities for whatever could be going on in her mind now.

She looked like she was going to say something, but decided against it last minute, her expression flattening out immediately and completely.

Like a roughed edged dagger, the persistent silence between us tore through my chest as the seconds rolled by.

I wanted to close my eyes, open them again to see that this moment never happened.

I wasn't sure why my brain was overreacting, but those moments of her came back - the first time I met her and how stunningly beautiful she looked and how my heart ached a little that she was Eddy's wife which meant out of bounds, how I fought myself intentionally to not gawk at her the entire night at the Hargrove Foundation Gala, how I had frozen in unbelief when I saw her at the door of my exercise room, then the dining scene - my heart shattered in regrets.

The guilt I had managed to hold down for the past fifteen hours with the excuse that there was already bad blood between Eddy and me as a result of the exercise room incident tugged at my chest until the soft cotton on the couch repulsed against my skin.

I stood up.

She didn't move. She didn't even look up.

The strangest thing to do, but I paced about the space in front of me for a while, forcing my head to work out something, the sound from the television suddenly becoming too loud, it bursted into my thoughts.

"Come eat something," my mouth spoke at the same time my mind formed that I had seen food in the freezer earlier.

Like my words were venom thrown at her, she turned sharply to look at me, her body almost bouncing off the couch.

I trembled, reaching out involuntarily to assist her, but withdrawing immediately after her sharp rebuff stare.

"I don't mean no harm," I raised my hands in a harmless surrender.

Her face relaxed, then her entire body did the same. I noticed the comfort return to her eyes, and somehow a small smile formed against my lips.

Quickly, I straightened my face before she could notice anything.

My face might not have shown it, but in that moment, I was the happiest I had ever been in weeks of endless work at the office and the struggle of having to tolerate my best friend because it was that time of the year again when he turns into a thorn in my flesh for no justifiable reason.

I could watch this woman in front of me forever.

Her skin was smooth and dazzled under the low lights of the sitting room — it reminded me of a line from my favorite song.

Whose face looked perfect for the cover of a fashion magazine when they had just woken up?

Her energy was flat — the type of flat that was quiet but slowly intoxicating, the type that draws you completely in before you even realize.

Eddy's voice returned to my head — whispers at first, then slowly echoing against my skull.

For one stupid second, I imagined he was serious about wanting me to have his wife and that I could make a deal out of it with him.

I pressed the sole of my feet against the floor until the hard concrete crashed on my bones.

At that moment, I couldn't trust myself to look away or to keep still if I didn't look away.

I wasn't sure but I could sense that I had moved a step towards her.

Then, I heard her clear her throat — a warning, an apology, a request, a reminder...my mind processed a thousand emotions.

Then, she spoke, her words immersing right through the emotions that had built up in my stomach and staying trapped within them like water on a sponge.

"Can you fall in love with me? For the rest of the seven days?”