Sinner's Confessions

[Mikho's POV]

"MY Brothers in faith." Evo placed pen and paper on top of our table. He sat beside Keil and gave us all his you-know-what's-written-in-there look.

"I'll pass," sabi ko at tinuloy ang pagkain. I don't need to ask the guys or to read the note. I already have an idea what Evo was up to this time again.

"Bakit ang mahal na ng singil ngayon ni Manong Teddy?" asked Keil after he read the paper and then he dug on his food.

"Tumaas naraw din kasi ang tuition fee ng anak niya," sagot ni Evo. "Isulat niyo nalang ang mga pangalan niyo at pirmahan niyo na." Evo gazed at each one of us.

Kiko snatched the paper from Keil. "Uy ang mahal na nga. Three thousand nalang natira sa allowance ko mga P're. Pambili ko pa yun ng mga underwears. Baka naman pwedeng tawaran si Manong Teddy?"

"Umutang ka nalang kay Mikho. Wala nadaw tawad iyan,"said Evo at saka napatingin sa'kin. "Bro, lend this guy a few thousand."

"Wala akong pera," I answered to dismiss them.

"Kuripot ka talaga, Mik. Ang yaman mo naman. Sige na, pautangin mo na 'tong si Kiko. Butas butas na mga briefs nito. Maawa ka naman. Nakakahiya na kasi baka napapagkamalan naring mga briefs natin yung mga butas na underwears nitong laging nakasampay sa sampayan," si Cholo na nakangising aso habang ngumunguya.

"Gago ka talaga Medina," mahinang sabi ni Kiko kay Cholo.

I shook my head and gulped a glass of my water. "Pamilya ko ang mayaman, hindi ako. And even if I have money, hindi ako magpapautang para sa kalokohan. I'd rather spare my money for my nephew's birthday next month. Huwag niyo na akong idamay sa mga kalokohan niyo."

May pera ako pero magbi-birthday si Blue next month. That kid asked me to buy him a new bike. That kiddo's high maintenanced at malalaman niyon kung mumurahing bike lang ang bibilhin ko para sa kanya.

"Exactly what I expect to hear from a man who's aiming to be the next guy version of Mother Theresa," asar ni Evo. "Bro, let loose. You're so uptight. Hindi kapa ba nagsasawa kay Mariang Palad?"

"Oo nga naman. Consider it a self treat before our ordination. Six months nalang magiging Pari na tayo mga kapatid. We'll forever be stuck with this," Cholo raised his hand and playfully ran it to and fro in thin air.

"Nagkakakalyo na nga ako kakagamit ko nitong si Inday Palad. Bago pa 'to lumala kailangan nang makinabang itong si Junior ko ng totoong Inday," si Kiko na problemadong problemado talaga ang mukha.

"Tigang na tigang narin ako mga Pre. 'Di ko na kaya," hirit naman ni Keil.

"Hindi niyo na ginalang ang grasya. Nasa harap tayo ng pagkain. Find a place to discuss your dirt, " napailing kong sabi.

I don't understand these guys. They should have left the seminary and get themselves a wife or a woman. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nagtiis pa silang umabot kami ng huling taon dito kung iyan din lang ang gagawin nila. Last year, sumama ako sa kanilang tumakas at nag ambag ng dalawang libo para ipang bayad kay Manong Teddy. Si Manong Ted ang gabi gabing nagrorondang guard sa back gate ng seminaryo. Evo was able to negotiate to pay the old man para kami malayang makalabas ng gate na hindi nalalaman ng kahit na sino sa mga superior namin sa seminaryo.Hindi dapat ako sasama kaso sabi nila urgent daw ang pupuntahan namin. Urgent pala sa kalokohan. It was an urgency that concerns their mid anatomy. The worst thing was, Kiko brought us inside a Cabaret with number of women dancing on stage wearing nothing except their heavy make ups. I even thought they were clowns.

Pagkatapos ng gabing yun, nangako agad ako sa Diyos na 'di na muli sasama sa kanila.

This is my second life and though I know it was  God's will to keep me alive, I still think I owe Him a very huge debt.

I was eleven years old when I sleepwalked and accidentally fell off our house's staircase from the second floor. I don't remember anything then. I just remember before I woke up a bright light and a man illuminated with that light. I wasn't able to see his face because the light was blinding but he said something...

Mikho, open your eyes and wake up. Hindi mo pa oras. You have a purpose to deliver the world...

After he said those words, I was blinded by the light and the next thing I saw were mom and dad's faces. They were crying and thanking God's name. Noon ko lang nalaman na coma pala ako ng isang buwan. And a few minutes bago ako nagising ay nag cardiac arrest daw ako but the doctors were able to sustain my life.

"Mik," I heard a tap on the table. "Sign it," Evo shoved the paper and the pen to me. "Pangalan mo nalang ang hindi nakalista. Isulat mo na. Minsan lang naman 'to, huwag kang KJ. Tsaka, maglalakad naman tayong nakaluhod sa kumbento ng isang linggo. Siguro naman papatawarin na tayo ni Lord nun. With Kiko, tig iisang libo tayong apat ambag ambag para may pang bili pa siya ng briefs."

"Sige naman, P're. Kapag hindi ka sumama ipapakalat namin sa mga admirers mo dito na bakla ka. Magbibigay din kami ng note kay Father Mario. Alam mo namang abot langit ang pagnanasa sa'yo nun. Lalong lala iyang pogi problem mo, " Cholo gave me a smug smile.

"Sigurado akong hanggang sa huling buwan mo dito sa seminaryo ka nun i-aassign sa kanya. Baka hindi ka lang sa quarter niya i-assign na maglinis. Baka sa sarili niya. Libre himas kapatid. O, baka naman may namumuo nang bromance sa pagitan niyo ni Father 'di pa namin alam?" dagdag ni Keil.

I quickly glanced at the paper.

Hot legs later tonight. Legit 'to mga kapatid. Sign and I'll collect the 3 k after our three o'clock devotion.

"Ipagkalat niyo, wala akong pakialam. I won't go," pinal kong sabi saka nilapag ang papel sa mesa. Hindi ko sila gustong patulan kahit nangingilo na 'ko sa sinasabi nila. And they knew they were to make a sin, it's as if God would permit them and forgive them.Who are they to make an ultimatum to God?

"Speaking of which," Evo grinned and nudged Keil's elbow. "Kung siniswerte nga naman," sabi niyang nakatingin sa likod ko.

Ngumisi si Keil. "Father Mario, tamang tama po ang dating niyo! May ipagtatapat po sana kami tungkol kay Jared!"

I huffed and rolled my eyes. Wala talagang magawa ang apat natu. If they weren't my friends, matagal na dapat akong nakaapila sa director para sa expulsion nila dito sa seminaryo.

"Ano naman ang gusto niyong sabihin tungkol kay Jared?" said a high pitched womanly voice then I felt a hand maliciously rest against my shoulder.

God have mercy on me!

I almost puke the water that I took. Biglang nanayo ang mga balahibo ko dahil sa kilabot. I simply lowered my shoulders to get rid of his hand and looked at the guys in horror.

"Father matagal na po daw niyang gustong ipagtapat sa inyo na bak--"

Without twice thinking, I took the pen and the paper and simply wrote down my name on it. I could have done better than this but the idea of Father Mario knowing that I was gay was out of the picture.

I'd rather be with the guys than this old man chase me for his self satisfaction. Wala pa naman siyang ginawa sa'kin pero nangingilabot ako sa hawak niya.

"Na baka raw po pwedeng rotation naman po daw ang designation ninyo sa paglilinis sa quarter po ninyo. Ilang buwan na po si Jared naka assign dun, Father. Give chance to others po. Baka one of these days mabalitaan naming tumalikod na sa pag papari itong si Jared. Mawawalan kami ng tapat at mabuting kaibigan, " Evo said in his make believe sympathetic voice and then simply shot me a self-satisfying look.

If it was never a sin to kill, I could have beat this guy to a pulp right now.

"Ganun ba?"

Thankfully, Father's hand left my shoulder.

"Opo, Father," the four answered in unison.

"Okay sige. Williams, starting tomorrow ikaw na ang naka assign na maglilinis sa quarter ko hanggang isang linggo," he said to Evo. "Kayong tatlo naman ang susunod, Medina, Capuso at Alejandro."

The guys almost had their eyes popped out of their sockets. Ang bilis talaga ng karma.

I sighed and stood up when father Mario had left. Iniwan ko ang apat sa cafeteria at pumunta agad ako sa St. John's Chapel. I already had my morning devotion pero magdadasal muli ako para sa gagawin kong kasalanan.

I knelt down at the first pew, in front of the altar and opened my bible for God to reveal to me His message.

But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death...

I closed my eyes to fully take into my heart God's message. I promised Him that I will be with the guys pero hindi ako gagamit ng babae. Never.