Back to Black

***Flashback Chapter***

I awoke to the sound of steady beeping. My eyes felt too heavy to open, so I thrashed my head around trying to muster the strength to do so. They felt like lead sitting in my eye sockets. My hair stuck to my face, greasy and unkempt, smelling oddly of dirt and smoke, the feeling of uncleanliness irritating me further in my inability to just open my damn eyes.

If I can just lift my hands up to my face I can pry them open, push my hair back, anything. I try lifting my arms but they too, feel like I’ve had a bear sitting on them and I have no awareness or feeling in them. Betrayed by my own body.

I lay there, hearing the scuffle of people walking past, tennis shoes periodically squeaking on a tile floor, low chatter and beeping around all me. I can smell hand sanitiser, soap and rubbing alcohol permeating the air, the uncomfortable smell tickling my nose and bringing back memories of injuries of the past.

I start to focus and then all I am able to focus on is t