The Seed Of Deceit

"H-hon... I-I'm sorry.." Dave said, kneeling in front of me and asking for my forgiveness.

"How could you?" I asked, looking at the window with my emotionless face.

"H-hon—"

"You said you love me. You said it's okay. You said we'll be okay.*

"But hon—"

"But what is this Dave? What the fvck is this?!" I look at him with my teary eye. "I believed you Dave, I believed in your words. But look what I get in return, look what happened after believing in your godd*mn words!" I shouted. 

He held my hand, trying to calm me down. "It was a mistake hon, I was blinded by the thought that..." he stopped and looked at me with pity in his eyes. 

"That what? That Joan can give you a child that I can't give tama ba?" I calmly said, holding my tears. 

He just looked down and slowly nodded "That's bvllsht!" I forcedly push him away and leave the room. 

I absent mindedly went to our bar area, opened the bottle which I just grabbed and drink it, bottoms up. 

"Hon stop it" Dave said, he's about to get the bottle away from me but I evaded it. 

"Leave." 

"No—" 

"I said leave."

"Hon—"

"I said you fvcking leave."I faced him with my sharp eyes and point a finger toward him "Alam mo kung paano ako magalit Dave, leave bago pa tayo magkasakitan dito." He's persistent to stay but he frustratedly stormed off when I gave him a murderous look while gripping the bottle of wine tightly until it made a cracking sound. 

Pagod akong umupo sa stool at muling tinungga ang bote na hawak ko. My heart beats fast causing me hard to breathe, it's heavy as if someone intentionally dropped a hallow blocks in it. 

I grab my phone and connect it on our speaker, put it in a high volume and clicked a play button without looking what song will be played. 

I guzzle again on the wine I'm holding and cursed hard when I heard the intro of the song. 

"Godd*mn it!" I hissed when the song starts, it's lyrics is hitting me hard. 

(Kakayanin Kaya By Maymay Entrata now playing) 

"Natulala nang makita kang may kasamang iba at sa aking puso ay may kaba" the heck. 

"Nagtataka kung saan nga ba nagkamali o nagkulang ba? Ano nga ba'ng meron siya?" I chuckled, malamang walang problema sa matres no'n, magkaka-anak na nga sila e. 

"Hindi ko na malaman pa ang gagawin" that thought brought tears to my eyes and it continually flowing

"Kakayanin kayang ika'y mawala at sa kanya'y ipaubaya" kaya ko ba? Ipinatong ko ang noo sa aking braso na nakatuon sa table. 

"At hayaang sumaya ka sa piling niya?" he'll be happy kase matutupad na 'yong pangarap n' ya na masayang pamilya. 

"Kakayanin kayang ika'y may iba at ang mahal mo'y kaming dalawa" Masaya naman kami ah? Iyon nga lang, wala kaming anak. 

"Akin na lang bang tatanggapin? Kakayanin kaya?" hayaan ko na lang kaya s'yang sumaya sa piling ng mag-ina n'ya? 

"Nag-iisip kung magkukunwari na lang ba ako at itatago ang sakit?" 

"Do you take Dave Orteza to be your lawfully wedded husband?" 

"I do" 

"Pipilitin bang tanggapin na ika'y may iba bukod sa'kin"

"Today I say, "I do" but to me that means, "I will." I will take your hand and stand by your side in the good and the bad. I dedicate myself to your happiness, success, and smile. I will love you forever." 

"Kakayanin kayang ika'y mawala at sa kanya'y ipaubaya" para saan pa ang kasal, kung maghihiwalay lang din naman ang dalawang tao na pinagbuklod ng maykapal. 

"At hayaang sumaya ka sa piling niya? Kakayanin kayang ika'y may iba" aanhin pa ang wedding vows, kung isang pagkakamali lang sira na lahat ng pangakong binitawan sa harap ng altar. 

"At ang mahal mo'y kaming dalawa, akin na lang bang tatanggapin?" kaya pala required na may bridesmaid sa kasal, para may katulong sa pag-aalaga sa asawa hanggang sa maagaw na nila. 

"Kakayanin kaya? Na hayaan ka na lang" I get up and walk to the pool. 

"O ipaglalaban ba ang pag-ibig ko, O wag na lang? " tumayo ako sa gilid, lumuluhang tinitingala ang kalahating buwan kasama ang mga kumikinang na bituin sa kalangitan habang hawak pa rin ang alak na aking iniinom. 

"Hindi ko alam kung…" I kneeled on the tiles still looking up to the sky. "AHHHHHH!" I cried hard. 

"Kakayanin kayang ika'y mawala, at sa kanya'y ipaubaya" I sat on the ground, laughed while still crying "bakit sa best friend ko pa" 

"At hayaang sumaya ka sa piling niya? Kakayanin kayang ika'y may iba" aanhin pa ang tagal ng relasyon n'yong dalawa kung isang pagkakamali lang ito‘y sirang-sira na. 

"At ang mahal mo'y kaming dalawa, akin na lang bang tatanggapin?" pinatong ko ang aking mga braso sa aking tuhod, doon tumungo at iniiyak lahat ng sakit. 

Tatanggapin ko ba? 

"O akin na lang bang palalayain?" kaya ko ba? 

"Kakayanin kaya?" aanhin mo ba ang pagmamahal mo sa isang tao kung hindi mo naman maibigay ang kan'yang gusto? 

I let the music seize the silence of this house, nanatili akong nakatungo habang umiiyak hanggang sa gumaan ang aking pakiramdam. 

DAVE'S POV

I went to our house early in the morning to check on my wife. I was worried sick na baka may gawin s'ya sa sarili niya.

"Hon?" tawag ko sa kanya pagpasok na pagpasok ko sa loob ng bahay. 

"Fatima?" ulit ko nang walang sumagot sa akin. 

"Hello? Honey where are you?" binuksan ko na lahat ng pinto na nandito sa ground floor ngunit wala akong nakita na kahit sino. 

I went to the pool side, I saw a familiar empty bottle. Heto 'yong iniinom niya kahapon.

Tumakbo ako pataas at dumiretso sa master's bedroom ngunit wala rin s'ya doon. 

"Fatima where the h*ll are you" I opened the closet, natigilan ako nang mga damit ko na lamang ang nakita ko sa loob nito, wala na ang mga damit niya. 

"The fvck!" I was about to leave the room when a piece of paper on the vanity table caught my attention. 

Kinuha ko ito at dali-daling inalis sa pagkakatupi. 

"To Dave" basa ko sa unang line na nakita ko. I sat on the edge of the bed and started to read it's content. 

"Una sa lahat, I wanna say sorry. I'm sorry kase I can't bear a child, I'm sorry kase I can't give you the whole family you want. I'm sorry kase all I can do is to love you, and loving you means nothing kase I can't be the wife you wanted to be. I've decided to leave and let you be with your child and its mother. I'm happy for the both of you, hindi ko masasabi na okay lang iyon, hindi ko maitatanggi 'yong sakit, hindi ko masasabi na tanggap ko' yong ginawa n'yo. I'm hurt Dave, umasa ako, akala ko ikaw na hanggang dulo, akala ko kapag kasal na tayo magiging stable na 'yong buhay at relationship natin, but it was wrecked by you and my own bestfriend, how could you? haha. Ang sabi mo okay lang e, after five years of being together, akala ko tanggap mo talaga but it turned out na hindi pa rin pala, na mas pipiliin mo palang sirain ang relasyon natin para maisakatuparan iyong pamilya na pinapangarap mo, unfortunately hindi ako belong sa pangarap na iyon kaya ako na lamang ang lalayo, pinapalaya na kita. 

I've decided to let you go because you're now having the family you dreamed about. Congratulationss, don't worry, kapag naging okay na ako, I'll file an annulment para tuluyan ka nang palayain at hayaang maging masaya sa pinili mo'ng pamilya. Be happy, take care of your family, love them more than you loved me, kase kung mamahalin mo sila katulad ng pagmamahal mo sa akin, baka maulit lamang ito, maghanap ka ulit ng iba haha. Be alright, goodluck to the both of you, goodbye. 

Sincerely yours, 

Fatima