ดวงใจนลิน

(Ruth's POV)

It's my 18th birthday. The saddest birthday of all the birthdays I've lived through. No love, no mate, and no freedom. 

But I still had to make a wish on my birthday night.

"Please give me some happiness." I didn't forget the pleading gesture and closed my eyes. Then blew out the lighter I'd stuck on top of the leftover pancakes I'd put in the fridge last night.

Every time I inhaled, my neck felt like it was being strangled by the poison entering my lungs. It feels claustrophobic and like I'm drowning in darkness. There was nothing I could do to save myself.

The darkness seemed to hug me tightly as if it didn't want to let me go.

And that darkness was my mother.

No matter how often I thought of running away from her, I couldn't. It was like chains were restraining my legs so that I couldn't move a single centimeter away from her. It was like being shackled by something invisible.

Every day felt like hell.

Just like the nights I spent being a servant to the perverted and drunken men who were always at my house. My mom always celebrated sex parties with all her endless male friends. And I had to serve them like crazy without getting tired.

Their smell was so disgusting that it made my throat feel choked. The smell of all kinds of werewolves mixed with alcohol, cum, and sweat as they got more and more drunk and had sex and kissed each other. They were like a herd of pigs taking a mud bath, chasing each other to get their mates. It made me want to vomit because I couldn't stand the smell.

I thought I'd spend the rest of my life living this miserable and sickening life. There was no way out for me except death.

I quietly put on my hoodie and slung my backpack over my shoulder as I exited my room. They, the drunken men, were like dried fish lined up in the morning sunlight. Or it's a zombie infestation right now because they look like that.

I decided to exit through the back door and ran towards the street. I hope this day passes quietly because I don't have the energy to survive anymore.

"Damn," I cursed.

It seemed like God didn't like seeing me rest for a minute.

The group of female cheerleaders walked towards me with their bully smiles. Obviously, they look so haughty as they strut their stuff with their well-proportioned curves and trendy outfits.

"Good morning, Ruth." She was the head cheerleader. Abby was a beautiful woman who was the envy of many boys.

"Morning, Abby," I greeted. I tightened my grip on the straps of my backpack as she gripped my shoulders very firmly. I tried not to show a hurt expression because I knew it would make Abby enjoy hurting me even more.

"Ruth, you didn't forget my homework, did you?"

Oh, Shit!

I was so tired and busy being a waitress for my mom's party last night that I forgot Abby's homework.

"S-Sorry, I forgot to do it because I was so busyー"

"Busy?" She cut me off. Pushing me roughly. "How dare you give me such a cliché excuse!" she snapped.

"I don't intend to do it. I'll get it over with," I said as I intended to get out of there before anything worse happened.

But all of a sudden, Abby grabbed my hair. Pulling it so roughly that I tumbled backward and fell onto the grass. She stepped on my body with her right foot and looked at me sharply.

She groaned. "You've ruined my morning mood, Ruth. And I need to punish you." She grinned.

"No, please...." I tried to run away.

But her friends jumped on me, slapping my cheeks mercilessly. This wasn't the first time they'd been rude to me. Almost every day he bullied me without me knowing what I did wrong to him.

I winced in pain as they trampled my body. I felt the sting in my bleeding knees and my seemingly bruised stomach.

"What are you guys doing?" I heard a voice in the distance. And when I turned around, I saw Walter, staring at us.

In an instant, I could tell that he was my Mate chosen by the moon goddess. From the cinnamon scent I smelled from him, the pounding of my heart that I couldn't control. I felt my hands trembling as he helped me up.

Oh my God...

Of all the Alphas there are. Why did it have to be Walter? His eyes were fixed on me, and I could sense that he had realized that I was his mate.

But I was prepared for his rejection because he was Walter Carter.

"Stay out of it, Walter," Abby said. She clenched her fists as she stared at him.

"Get out of here," he ordered.

I could see Abby's eyes flutter with fear before she decided to leave. Unconsciously, I breathed a sigh of relief. I quickly grabbed my bag, but Walter grabbed it for me first.

Slowly, he turned his face towards me, and whispered, “Mate.”

At that moment,I felt a connection I had never experienced before. I couldn’t believe that from all werewolves I was his MATE

He was 20 years old, his eyes were the color of the ocean on a clear day—crystal blue, deep, and inviting. 

As he moved closer, I noticed the fine details that made him undeniably handsome. The slight stubble on his chin gave him a rugged edge, contrasting beautifully with his otherwise refined appearance. His broad shoulders and athletic build suggested strength and confidence, while his casual demeanor made him approachable. He wore a simple white shirt, slightly open at the collar, and a pair of faded jeans, both of which did nothing to hide his well-toned physique.

I shook my head, as he heaved a sigh. 

"Thank you," I said awkwardly as I picked up my bag. 

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Y-Yeah."

I was always happy that my mate would be my savior, but here he is my bully. I could see from his face that the happiness of getting a mate has changed into regret.

"Come here," he ordered.

I furrowed my brow. His flat face, his heavy voice that sounded low but enough to intimidate me. I couldn't help but do as he said.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I am not a girl who is afraid of rejection but still, it hurts. 

"I want you to be my toy, not as my mate."

 With a look as cold as arctic ice, with no expression and no guilt he asked me to be his toy instead of mate. 

My blood boils in anger, like hellfire is nothing compared to my anger.

"Wh-What do you mean, you're asking me to be your toy? I am your mate, not a thing who can be played off. If you want to reject me, then do it. My self-respect is still bigger than all Carter’s dick heads. "

He shook his head with a laugh. "Rejection will only be easy suffering for you. And that's no fun," he said.

I couldn't believe what he was saying. Is it that easy to play with someone's heart? How could someone be so cold and selfish as he was doing to me right now? 

"You think it's something normal to ask?"

"Normal? What does normal look like to you?" he asked with a smirk, sending chills down my spine. "Being my toy is more fun. You can suffer for a long time and my pleasure will never go away."

I was shocked. My chest felt tight like a boulder had hit it. I felt like my world was collapsing without me being able to hope for any repair that I could do.

"Instead of asking me to be your toy, I would prefer it if you rejected me as your mate."

I tried not to cry because I knew it was useless in this situation. For people who have power like him, they never have a conscience.

"You think I like having a useless mate like you?" he growled. "Of all the werewolves, how could the moon goddess choose you as my mate? How unlucky I am," he cursed.

"Then just reject me so you can be free!" I challenged him to do so. Even though I knew it would be so painful that it would feel like welcoming my death. But it was better than living miserably with an Alpha who didn't love me at all.

I'd rather be tormented by the pain like a knife to my heart than be terrified all my life with a knife in front of my face that I don't know when it's going to cut me.

He grinned, sending chills down my spine. For some reason, I always felt a sense of danger whenever I was around him. It made me feel uncomfortable.

"The more you want it, the more I'll never do it."

He pulled my waist roughly and whispered above my lips. With a condescending smile that made my pride feel like it was being trampled on.

"Being my toy is better than being a whore out there, Ruth."

I pushed him roughly and yelled at him. "I will never be your toy!"