The next few days are awful. I stay up all night painting. I set an alarm on my phone, making sure that I shower and grab something to eat before Ashton wakes up for work and then go back to my room to work on some graphic design freelancing work that I found. Seems that writing on those novel websites has gotten big over COVID and people need covers. I usually work on any jobs that I have until about 1:30 when I know that Ashton will have finished with his lunch break and usually has an afternoon Zoom meeting so that I can get something to eat without him talking to me. Then I take a walk around the block for some fresh air and then go to bed. I wake up around midnight and do it all over again. Ashton does try to talk to me those days, but I make sure that I’m super busy or even pretend that I’m on the phone with Ship so that I don’t have to talk to him. I’m still working through my feelings and I don’t need to deal with his while I’m doing that. I know it won’t last for l

I walk down the sidewalk, my mask on and sunglasses on, making it so that no one can see me crying. I had gotten in touch with Kora and she was getting dressed and then would be on her way in from Hempsted. But, it would take her about an hour to get here. I had a lot of time to kill and way to much to think about. I tell Kora to find me at my spot in Central Park. It’s the overlook rock, about 10 minutes from our apartment. It’s this large rock that looks over a pond on the southern corner of the park. There are usually all kinds of animals and people around and it’s great for sketching and losing myself in it. Unfortunately, I didn’t bring anything with me. I usually have a sketchbook or a notebook in my purse, but I’d filled it and hadn’t really felt pressed to get a new one because…well, I haven’t been going out often. On the way to the park, I stop at a bodega and grab something to eat and drink, as well as a notebook and some colored pencils. I have a few pencil s

There’s a light dusting of snow on the ground when I pull up to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve. I’ve waited until the last possible minute for me to go home because of having to face Matt. I’m ready to talk, ready to forgive him and try to move on. But that doesn’t meant that I actually want to do it. I know that it’s going to be a hard conversation, on that neither of us is going to enjoy, and I’m not looking forward to it. But…it’s been six months and it’s time we clear the air. The second that I pull into my parents’ driveway, they are running out the door to hug me. “Wait!” I say, holding my hands out to stop them. “Don’t you want me to quarantine? Should you be hugging me?” “You and Kora haven’t been around anyone other than your trips to the grocery store. You don’t have symptoms. And we miss you!” Dad exclaims, wrapping his arms around me. Mom hugs me from the other side and I’m enfolded in both of their arms at the same time. And honestly, I don’t have the

For the next month, I’m focused on getting back into the swing of the semester. The nice part is that I’m nearly done with all of my gen eds. The only ones that I have left are ones that can also count towards my major. Which means for the first time in my college career, all I’m focused on is art. Not necessarily my kind of art, but art all the same. I also get back to jogging like I was before. I didn’t get to do it as much in Ohio. The snow was too deep, people weren’t really on the streets, so snow plows weren’t running and sidewalks weren’t cleaned. I went to the gym a few times, but it wasn’t the same. I mean, I love the exercise part of jogging, but the biggest thing that I loved, that I craved, was being outdoors. It cleared my head and helped me to forget. Forget the pain. Forget the betrayal. Forget…everything. Everything that happened while I was with Ashton over quarantine. Being with my family had made it easier to forget. Making up with Matt made it eas

It’s the day of my opening and I’m a nervous fucking wreck. I barely slept the night before and I feel like a zombie right now. Finally, at 4 am, I decide to just get out of bed and get the day going. Ship told me to text him the second that I was ready for breakfast this morning, no matter what time it was. He would then tell me if I was insane or if I was being a normal first time exhibitor. I’ve kind of got the feeling that he’s as nervous as I am. I go for a run. Yes, it’s 4 am, but there’s still plenty of people out on the street. Quarantine is still a thing, but New York has decided that it’s time to get on with our lives. I feel comfortable running out here as long as I stick to the busier and more well lighted areas. In an attempt to exhaust myself, I run for an entire hour, hoping that I’ll come home and pass out on the couch. No such luck. So, I decide that I’m going to take a long, leisurely bath, shaving, exfoliating, and soaking in the tub. But I can’t rela