12 Am Thoughts Novels & Stories

I muttered, sorting through the digital pile. My phone buzzed with a calendar reminder: "10:00 AM - Development Team Meeting." Great. Just what I needed – a room full of people who probably thought I slept my way to the top.

I closed my eyes and I didn’t notice that I fall asleep. I woke up in the middle of noon. It’s now 12:30 pm and I don’t have an appetite for each today. I don’t have an idea why I lose my appetite. One thing on my mind when I woke up is all that Gio did to me last night. It’s hilarious because I can’t remove it from my mind. Since there are a lot of thoughts that have been bothering me, I decided to take a bath early. As I told Kuya Sam earlier, we’re going somewhere that will make my mind entertained.

_*]:min-w-0 gap-3"> She thought about what it would have meant, at twelve, to receive a message that said: good instinct. _*]:min-w-0 gap-3" She picked up her pen and went back to work.

I said, and turned the page. Thursday arrived the way inevitable things always arrived — completely on schedule and still somehow surprising. I was awake at six-thirty. I didn't pretend to sleep after that. I sat at my desk with the grey scarf and a cup of tea from the hall machine and watched the December morning get lighter through the window and thought about soup and railway paths and a blanket with corners that met exactly and thirty-one memories and the specific shape of something that had been moving toward me since I was twelve years old and had been moving toward it too without knowing.

One moment at a time. ***

But I wasn't able to relax fully. There were too many thoughts running around in my mind. Some of them are happy, some of them are sad or worried, and there are lots and lots of others that are just confusing. I wake up around ten o'clock and decide to go for a walk. Once outside I walk around aimlessly for a while, trying to calm down but I couldn't seem to find anything to focus on.

TESSA I wait until 10 AM to call Emilia, right as I’m walking to work. Growth, if you ask me. I could’ve called her at 7, when I was still stewing in bed. Or at 8, when I nearly threw my phone across the room. But no—10 AM. That’s self-control. I choose to walk. Thought it might help. Walking clears my head. Brings a sense of order. Reminds me that I make terrible, terrible decisions.

“Did I worth nothing to them?” I was very much submerged in my thoughts when my alarm buzzed again after half an hour. I couldn’t believe I wasted my precious time again remembering the distressing events of my life. In my usual morning, I could have been in my office clothes at this hour. I could only shake my head at how I pondered my past in the early morning. With that, I swiftly ran to my bathroom and took a bath.

But this morning's quiet feels different. I'm sitting at my desk in the grey pre-dawn light, lamp turned low. There's a file in front of me. The yard below is dark and still. I don't open the file right away. I just sit with my hands flat on the cover, staring at the wall, thinking about twelve minutes. Twelve minutes.

Trying to clear my thoughts. The air felt more colder. The streets were quiet than before. Everyone were probably asleep by then. I checked the time on my phone. Eleven o'clock. It's almost midnight. I sighed and looked around, hoping to distract myself from everything that has been going on in my life. I felt like a walking corpse seeing that I have experienced both life and death. My head felt heavy, like a burden. I kept thinking of James. How would he be feeling right now?