12 Am Thoughts Novels & Stories

Jarek For the first time in years, I didn’t wake up thinking about problems. That realization hit me sometime around six in the morning while I stood in the kitchen making coffee and waiting for the rest of the clubhouse to drag itself into consciousness. The room was quiet except for the hum of the refrigerator and the occasional bang from upstairs where the contractors had already started making progress on our room again. Our room. I still wasn’t used to thinking about it like that. Not because I didn’t want to.

I closed the laptop at four in the morning. I went to my room, sat on the edge of the bed, and did not lie down. I thought about Morrow. I thought about eleven months. I thought about my uncle and the dinner table and the first land auction at fifteen. I thought about what it cost to be on the right side of something when the right side required you to do something that was going to hurt a person you had no personal reason to want to hurt. At six I got up, went to the kitchen, and poured coffee.

There is no second text. I put the phone down. I pick it up. I put it down. I go to bed at 1:00 a.m. I do not sleep. I lie in the dark and I think about a man in scrubs in a hospital in Los Angeles, and I think about a small gray dog in Silverlake, and I think about a kitchen floor, and I think about a hand across takeout containers, and I think about a man who said *I want people to know I am with you too,* and who has not texted me in thirteen hours. I sleep at 2:00 a.m.

Just move the log. I haven’t been able to make it budge an inch. I roll over and look at the clock. Four seventeen a.m. Two solid weeks of getting to be a spectator in the memories of my past lives. I think it’s time to take things into my own hands.

Time can really be playful sometimes. It can be an enemy or a friend, well, it depends. The clouds in the sky was clustered like grasses and stones. The weather hailed a mellow ambient. I glanced at the device infront of me: 3:00 PM. I sighed and laid my head on the head rest of the car. I ran my hand over my jaw and tried to steady my thoughts. I wanna focus at the moment. I can't take out the possibility that Brylle might be here, on the current generation, but I can't neglect the probability that he might not.

Time. I needed to think.

It was a good thing no life was lost. My eyes inadvertently darted to the traffic light and it was now showing amber. They darted next to my Philip Patek wristwatch Claire had gotten me during one of her shopping sprees. The time read 1:46 pm. The sun shone brightly against the glass of the car but I couldn't feel any heat because of the air conditioner which blew inside the car. Noises from my sister's game seemed to distract me from my thoughts and for a moment, I appreciated it. I was a critical overthinker and it wasn't healthy.

I wanted to be the last thought on someone’s mind when they fell asleep and the first thought their head lingered on when they woke up. I want to be the one for someone before it’s too late. Even if that person is me. At least I can be a priority for myself and I don't have to hurt anyone in the process. I check the watch on my wrist and squint at the dial in front of the fading light streaming from the lamppost. It’s still ten o’clock at night. So not as much time has passed as I’d initially thought.

Tbc 9am tomorrow morning Hope you have a lovely day today 😘💞 Make sure you pray before you sleep 😴😴 Love you guys ❣️😘❣️ Copyright ©️

CHAPTER FOUR GRACE'S POV April 12, 2023. 6:30 am. The alarm rang at 6am as usual, but I didn't move for the next 30 minutes. For a moment, I just wanted to lay down and forget about everything worrying me. It's like my head refused to cooperate with me and everything I wanted.