روايات وقصص ضمن And Every Now And Then I Fall Apart

“You think you're so special—” "No. I think I'm done letting people like you make me feel small.” My voice doesn't shake or break as I cut her off. “So if you want to gloat about winning Knox back? Go ahead. But don't expect me to fall apart over it. I'm done falling apart.” The lie burns. Everything inside me is falling apart. The ache in my chest is unbearable. My hands are shaking. My heart feels like it's being ripped to pieces all over again.

He wiped a tear from my cheek. "But falling apart won't help. So I'm staying focused. Staying ready. And I'm here for you. Whatever you need." The tenderness in his voice broke something in me. I'd spent so long being strong. Being the one who protected everyone else, being the one who handled things. But right now, I couldn't. Right now, I needed someone to hold me while I fell apart. "I don't know what to do," I whispered. "I've always known what to do. But this... I'm lost."

Because everything around me… Was already starting to fall apart.

Stripped bare of all light, all joy, all hope. Not again, I thought desperately, a silent plea to my own failing spirit, dragging my hands through my meticulously styled hair, dislodging the silver pins, pulling at the soft curls. You don’t get to fall apart again, Ava. You already broke once. You can’t afford another crack, another splinter. But it was too late. The dam had already burst. The fragile containment I had maintained throughout the endless day, throughout the agonizing ceremony, crumbled.

*** • Andrea • *** I used to wave it off whenever a certain relative said good things always died in my hands. It had happened on my seventeenth birthday — when my cake collapsed before the candles were even lit. Then again, on graduation day, when I tripped walking across the stage and my speech was cut short. I was embarrassed then. But not even close to how broken I feel right now. I smoothed my hair and dropped the comb into my handbag. My eyes looked exactly how my heart felt. I could see it clearly in the rearview mirror — dull, shaken but the part of me that never breaks refused to bow to it.

With each floor, I felt pieces of myself cracking, breaking, falling away. By the time we reached Harper's floor, I was barely holding it together. She unlocked her apartment, pulled me inside, and locked the door behind us. The moment I heard that lock click, something in me gave way completely. I collapsed. Not gracefully. Not cinematically. Just... collapsed. My legs stopped working and I went down hard, suitcase clattering beside me, and the sound that came out of me was animal. Raw. Broken. "I've got you." Harper was on the floor with me, arms around me, holding me while I shattered. "Let it out. Just let it out."

My voice came out as a broken whisper to no one, to everyone, to whatever was listening: “Please… not now… please…” And just like that, everything inside me cracked open.

“This is not about me.” “No, it never is.” I had said too much. But I didn’t take it back. Not this time. He stepped closer. Lowered his voice slightly. “We are weeks away from fixing everything.” Fixing. Like my life was something broken that needed repair. “You don’t get to fall apart now.” My chest tightened. “I’m not falling apart.” “Then act like it.” There it was again. Act better. Do more. Be enough. I swallowed. “I’m doing everything I can.”

I wonder how much more I can take before I completely fall apart. I set the phone down, my hands shaking uncontrollably now. I try to breathe, but it feels like the air won’t fill my lungs, like my body is betraying me just as much as my mind. How did I get here? How did I become this broken, this… defeated? I stand up from the couch, but my legs are weak. The room spins a little, and I have to lean against the wall to stay up. I close my eyes, trying to hold myself together, but everything feels so heavy.

"For leaving you here. For walking away. For being too weak to stay. For being too broken to face this alone. For being too afraid to let you see me like this. For being too scared to let you in. For being too ashamed to let you love me." I shook my head. "You don't have to apologize. You don't have to be strong all the time. You're allowed to break. You're allowed to fall apart. You're allowed to need someone. You're allowed to be human. You're allowed to be vulnerable. You're allowed to be loved."