Cruelest Joke Novels & Stories

“Whatever you’re doing at ‘work’ tonight… hurry home. Both of you can fuck me senseless for all I care.” I snorted at my own joke, then immediately winced because yeah, that was a weird thing to say even alone. Little did I know how soon that joke was going to bite me right in the ass. And how much I was going to enjoy it when it did. [ You might be reading this wrong, but trust me, the real thrill is still ahead.^^]

“You were the first person I saw when I opened my eyes. Doesn’t that mean you’re my mom?” ‘Oh my god,’ Ina wheezed, ‘this is too good! I have to call my mother now, she can’t have ever seen comedy like this before!’ She was laughing so hard she could barely get the words out. ‘You’re a werewolf, not a bird – but only a bird would think that the first person it sees is its mother. Oh my god,’ she said again, sucking in a ragged breath, her eyes sparkling with mirth. ‘That’s the best joke of the year, and the dumbest Alpha of the year. An Alpha who wants to be a bird!’ She shook her head in disbelief.

I shook my head, "no... no... you don't get to..you can now go back to your amazing comedian friends and forget this confused hated prick.." "Precious they didn't mean what they were saying okay. They were just making jokes..." "Making ME a fucken joke.. that's what they were doing.. that's what YOU were doing. I'm a fucken joke to you... my life is a joke to you. I don't get you.. I swear to God I do not get you at all." "Your ankle is swelling please let me just..."

By the time Shane's outburst had run its course, he was nearly drained of strength. "No!" I had just finished screaming myself hoarse when Shane drove the knife straight into my thigh. An excruciating, bone-deep pain instantly shot through every limb and nerve in my body. Staring at my bleeding leg, I collapsed to the ground in utter despair. "Terry, you worthless piece of trash! Fight me for Caitlin, and I have ten thousand ways to kill you," Shane whispered with a laugh into my ear.

It wasn't just me who heard what Hubert Lock said. His parents heard them too. Laidman Lock immediately raised a hand and smacked Hubert lightly on the arm, irritation creeping into his voice. "What kind of nonsense are you talking about? Who jokes with their wife like that?" Michelle Lock quickly patted the back of my hand and comforted me softly. "Crystal, don't take it to heart. It's April Fools' Day, isn't it? Hubert was just being thoughtless and making a joke."

He predicted, holding back his laughter, another cousin. "And Manduca, of course, wanted to show that he wasn't as stupid as he was big-nosed, " continued the great-grandmother, " and replied: 'What are you thinking I am, homi? I would only cut the nose if I did it like this' and tchum! He ran the tool across the tip of his own nose, the asshole! Those who heard the narrative for the first time would laugh and think that the end was there. But the joke, which the great-grandfather insisted on narrating as the very truth, continued.

“Because it makes you laugh?” He clicked his tongue, a smile on his face. “You finally get it.” I rolled my eyes. “But ONLY you does it make laugh. Real jokes are so funny everyone around would burst into laughter, not them crying while you’re having a blast.” “A joke is a joke.” “…Your sense of humor is rotten,” I ended up muttering, hissing as his rough fingers tugged at the bandage wrapped around my ribs. The cloth peeled away sticky and damp, and the stench of dried blood hit my nose. I fought the urge to gag.

She hissed, “we need to leave immediately!” “Alright, alright.” I patted her arm. “I’ll just get the eggplants.” I turned and beamed widely at the worried girl. “Have you seen a brinjal this big and shiny?! It’s like—.” “A cock soaked in cum,” someone said. What...? My face feel deadpanned as it swivelled up to voice. An elderly man in Einstein’s age and appearance was bellowing in laughter at his own dirty joke, his round belly shaking uncontrollably.

The youngest of the children came and spoke intelligibly, " Uhummmmmmm, mommy, hurum?" Clara laughed as she finished her joke, and even then Otávio didn't laugh. " Did you get the joke?” " Yes. The youngest had a brick fall on his head at birth, right?” " Yes, " Clara still laughed. " And this is a joke? The baby had serious problems, and by the looks of it, sequels.”

“Now. The laugh. I heard you yesterday, when you thought no one was listening. It’s too high.” He stopped in front of me, tapping his own chest. “Elion’s was deeper. From here.” The gesture was intimate. Unexpected. I flinched. His jaw tightened instantly. “Try again,” he said. “I’ll tell you a joke. It’s a terrible one. Elion hated it.” He told it anyway... something painfully unfunny involving a squirrel and a priest. I forced out a weak chuckle, the sound thin and hollow. “No.” The word cracked like a whip.