Food Jokes

It's 11:30 pm. Home alone, I decide to order some takeout. When the map shows the delivery guy is zero miles away, I receive a call from him. I pick up, only to hear unsettling silence from the other end. I hang up, annoyed. The next moment, the guy texts me, "Sorry, I'm hearing-impaired and unable to speak. I called to notify you to pick up your food as soon as possible. I can't explain things over the phone, and I apologize for that." Then comes another text. "You must've been waiting for a long time. I've left your order at your door, so please pick it up as soon as you can." Just as I prepare to open the door, I see bars of live comments—reminiscent of livestream chats—floating right before my eyes. "Don't open the door! That dude isn't a delivery guy at all! He's a murderer!" "He called you to check if you're a woman living alone!" "Seriously, why are all thriller story protagonists always so dumb? The delivery guy is obviously suspicious, yet she still wants to open the door."

Young Immanuel Gonzales roamed the streets at age seven. His mother died when he was three years old, while his father was accused of killing his co-worker at a construction site. His relatives did not bother to take him but instead, made a vagabond out of him. Hungry and tired, he met a young girl who gave him food to eat. He was grateful and told himself that someday he would show his appreciation for the good deeds done to him. Living alone, he had encountered lots who had hurt him, but he continued to live came one person who had helped him finish his studies and he became a lawyer. One rainy night, he helped a woman who got scared from a homeless person. The first time they met, both felt that there was something that would bind them together which would make or break them apart. He was a lawyer who came from a poor family, handsome and smart, whose father was a victim of injustice....and she, a rich and pretty heiress, who had been engaged to be married to a wealthy person. Both fell into the abyss of deep affection....a love that caused them to be apart...living their lives with regret and loneliness

"Why are you angry?" I asked him. "It's not like we're a couple." He stopped, and stared at me, boring my eyes with his emerald eyes. "If we are…" He paused, clenching his jaw, "then am I allowed to be angry?” I looked at him like he was insane. “Then we'll take it to that level." He continued. "I'm serious. I want you.” Leizel Snow Garcia Waterstrings is not just fierce. She's more than that. Ending up as an ice cream worker in a local ice cream shop, it was her one step of becoming a strong and independent woman. And that's when a cold-hearted stranger came in view. Eion Aurelio Hudson. Out of seven billion people in the world, the two hard-headed people crossed paths, making her "strong and independent woman" facade slowly fall apart. With all the dramas, free food, forgotten birthdays, Robot handling, idiots around, and emotional crisis, will she be able to melt his winter heart with her blazing fire or will this fire be put away instantly? ``` ``` One Blazing Head. One Winter Heart. Two Hard-headed people. A huge disaster. (Book 1 of Hearts Series but can be read as standalone)

Six years ago, a corporate acquisition deal I handled went up in flames, and 50 billion dollars vanished into thin air. Bankrupt investors spray red paint all over my front door for a year straight. Dad died from a stroke, and Mom lost her mind and disappeared. I ended up doing six years in prison for embezzlement. After I got out, I changed my name and started delivering food in downtown, running myself ragged for a few bucks per delivery. But then my ex-wife, Shirley Pearce, showed up, and the entire delivery station ground to a halt. She had become a financial powerhouse, a regular on the covers of business magazines. Reporters blocked my delivery scooter, shoving microphones in my face. "Mr. Marcus Quinn, Ms. Pearce has been single for six years, paid off all your debts, and she's been waiting for you to come home!" I stared at that perfectly made-up woman with her adoring eyes and felt nothing but disgust. That so-called "devoted" ex-wife of mine? Six years ago, she had forged company seals to help her boy toy short the stock market. Then, when everything fell apart, she threw me under the bus to save herself.

The day before Henry Baker and I are supposed to marry, my mother sedates me. She makes my twin sister marry Henry instead. A few years later, the company Henry established turns into a thriving empire. My sister, Diana Halliwell, flourishes with him. While I was at the lowest point in my life, my childhood friend, Jorge Ward, proposed. It's only after marriage that I realize he's worthless. Diana and Henry attend various parties. They enjoy delicious food and wear expensive clothes. Meanwhile, I end up exhausted after having to cook and clean for my family. One night, Mom speaks softly to Jorge when she thinks I've fallen asleep. "I was worried she would find out the truth about what happened back then, but it seems she's too dumb to notice anything." Jorge laughs. "You're a genius, Erica. You laced Laura's water with sleeping pills so Diana could marry Henry on her behalf. I'm glad to see how happy Diana is now." Mom sighs. "I just feel bad for you. You've always liked Diana, yet you're forced to live with a wash-out like Laura…"

As I walk towards the man waiting for me at the alter, I had tears in my eyes. This was'nt the usual kind of tears of joy, it was a tears that comes with pains. Ever since my dream of becoming a plastic surgeon got crashed due to poor financies, I took up another dream to become a popular chef and get married to the man of my dreams, but here I was getting married to a man I know nothing about, he's not just an ordinary man, but a ruthless billionaire and a CEO to one of the biggest food companies in America. Not like I was being forced to get married to him, I willing accepted his proposal. Having a long time boyfriend who broke my heart to the deepest and also a younger sister who needs immediate surgery, I had no choice but to accept his proposal inorder to save my younger sister's life. I looked at my mom and sister and in their faces lies a lot of happiness. They'd think I'm getting married to the man I love, not knowing I'm getting married to my worst nightmare. Will I ever find happiness while living with him, that I couldn't tell, but I'm ready to dance to the beating of the music if is the only way I can be able to save my sister, who means so much to me....

WARNING: R-18 l MATURE CONTENT l SPG l VERY SEXUAL l READ RESPONSIBLY After sharing a hot steamy night, she left him the last money she had in her pocket. A one thousand peso bill as a 'payment for his service'. One week later, the agency hired her and she and started working as a personal chef and housemaid to a man whose identity was unknown to everyone. She only knew him as a CEO whom he thought an old man with a fat belly and a bald head. Working for the old man without seeing him for almost a month was peaceful and pleasant. Cleaning the house, cooking the food and leaving him a note to cheer him up everyday was now her favorite routine. She enjoys serving him. She loves the peace and silence her work is giving. Everything is calm and perfect, not until the day, a young, drop dead gorgeous bachelor with a piercing blue eyes, who happened to be a single dad showed up with his five year old daughter. Who would have thought that the old man, she thought she was working for, is the same man he ridiculed and measured the 'service' lousy and dissatisfied, turned out to be her boss? Could she still run away from him? or Will she let herself be trapped in the midnight again?

Wyatt Roberts, CEO of a successful food company in the Philippines, had wealth, good looks, and power, but lacked love. A past heartbreak had built strong walls around his heart. He was serious, and his employees were intimidated by him. His peaceful life was upset by his ex-girlfriend, the daughter of a powerful business partner of his company, who kept trying to get him to marry her. Desperate, Wyatt asked his new secretary, Effie Cynara, to pretend to be his girlfriend. Feeling pressured, Effie agreed to a one-month fake relationship, hoping to quickly end the problem. But being around each other started to change Wyatt. Effie's kindness, strength, and positive attitude brought back feelings he thought were gone. Their fake relationship became real and risky. Wyatt liked Effie, even though she was counting down the days until their agreement ended. Their growing feelings threatened to ruin their plan. Could Wyatt overcome his fear of being hurt again and take a chance on love with Effie? Or would the end of their agreement and his past hurt keep him alone, even though his heart was opening up to the woman who just wanted to escape his complicated life? The situation was serious, and time was running out.

During spring break, my family's housekeeper's son, Ethan Shaw, steals my black card and takes the entire class on a luxury trip to Norkin. He books out an entire fireworks show to impress my girlfriend, Claire Sanders. Then, he treats everyone to first-class tickets for the cruise while basking in the spotlight. But when I discover he's using my card and confront him, he teams up with my girlfriend to twist the story. They accuse me of being jealous of him. Cornered on the deck, I'm about to pull out my phone to prove it when Ethan suddenly shoves me over the railing. I'm left hanging by one desperate hand. His voice is ice-cold. "Lucas is just picking a fight because he's after my money. I can't sleep soundly with him around." On Ethan's signal, his lackey crushes my fingers one by one until my grip fails. I fall into the open sea, ending as food for the fish. When I open my eyes, I find myself back on the day Ethan is booking the fireworks show. Watching him revel in the spotlight, I take out my phone and call the bank to cancel the card. This time, I want to see just how he plays the lavish big shot.

Animals were driven with only a few instincts to live their lives by: to find food, shelter, and to mate. Humankind was driven by multiple things: lust, anger, hate, grief, jealousy, joy, and a host of other instincts and emotions. When lycans were created the goddess of such things thought it would be enthralling, exhilarating to see how such savage wolves and desensitized humans would meld together as one... The result was disastrous. The select few humans she chose to go forward with her experiment with the strength of her sacred animal, the lupine, destroyed one another. He was a mosaic, composed of broken pieces. She was an unfinished art project The moon godddess ends the lives of Lycans she sees as a threat to the Lycan community. Instead of being ripped apart by her hounds, she gives a warrior the chance to redeem himself and his friends through gifting him a mate who is bound to change his life. An accident links a potential future servant to the moon goddess to the warrior. How will Pomelia Grace, a holy novice react to being mated to such a man, Warren of Bane pack? All of the humans she chose went mad with the power, abilities, and strength that came with the wolf gene. The goddess had succeeded in creating a unique race but had a hard time managing her creations without killing them out of anger.