Funniest Military Stories Novels & Stories

“You look like someone who could use a good laugh.” I raise an eyebrow. “Do I?” “Yep. Lucky for you, I’m full of stories. Did I ever tell you about the time I outran a tornado in my old pickup truck?” I blink. “I don’t think so.” He launches into a tale so animated and absurd I can’t help but laugh. “...And there I was, wind howlin’, my dog howlin’, and me screamin’ at the top of my lungs like a banshee! But we made it, me and ol’ Duke.”

He stopped suddenly and hugged her tight. "I'm sorry. I'm here to help you overcome your grief and not get reminded of mine." He said..she nodded and patted his back. " It's okay." " Now do you want to hear the most embarrassing moment of my life?" He asked with a grimace...she started to laugh even before he told her how his pants had dropped when he was fighting with the sword and how he had refused to take it up because even though it was a mock fight, his opponent had refused to stop so he could wear his pants again and that had left him no choice but to fight that way until the leader of the warriors asked that they stop the fight..he told her a few other embarrassing stories all of whi

“I almost did. The idiot sleeps with his hair wet. It soaks into the pillow and smells awful the next morning.” “Still does that? God, I used to threaten to shave his head.” “Right? I told him to just towel it off, but nooo. He just plopped down on the bed and slept.” Jesse leaned back, propping one ankle over her knee. “He once almost burned down the camp just to get out of cooking. Said fire discipline was beneath his rank.” “Wait, what? That doesn’t make any sense.” “Oh, it made perfect sense to him. He set off the emergency flare by ‘accident’ just so the whole unit would be too rattled to care about eating.” She laughed. “We ended up with ration bars and a long, very loud debrief about

Both ended up laughing their hearts out. "To be honest, I'm not sure that was the most appropriate story I could have told you both, but I've heard worse." "There were other occasions when I had to pass through the sewers," Janet explained. "However, I'm sure a lycan would never do something as stupid and uncomfortable as that, am I right?" She realized the wine was speaking now, and she knew the other two didn't believe her story either. "You'd be surprised at some of the crude things I've done in my life, both before and after I was discharged from the army," June responded with a mumble and another glass of wine.

People coming back were already talking over each other. "Someone got killed! The military did it."

There was a tv and a playstation and some games with movies near it. Anderson and Carl were sharing stories of Williams. They talked about his first deer kill. The time he got scared by a cockroach. The time he killed a turkey and how it was in mid-flight, like an old westerner cowboy. About another time that he got chased by a hive of bees. These stories made Williams seem like a badass. They told stories well into the night. Zane especially liked the story of him clearing Pales like a badass. Shooting them down as they came out of a den with a rifle and a few other soldiers.

“Don’t tell me you guys are gossiping about me.” Elvin appeared, walking toward us with his usual teasing grin. Army nudged me, clearly amused. “Come on, what’s so special about you?” Army teased as Elvin sat down. “Hey, big bro,” Elvin shot back at me, smirking. “Still thinking about me, huh? Don’t worry I’m fine now.” I rolled my eyes, trying not to smile “Please… I’m not in the mood for jokes right now.” Elvin leaned back, grinning even wider. “Remember when you found me lying on the forest floor? You thought I was dead and shouted my name like a madman. ‘Elvin, please don’t die! I can’t let you go!’”

Wilhelmina had even taken the time to inquire about each commander's dietary preferences, preparing special refreshments for them. The soldiers were satisfied, and naturally, that meant George would be satisfied with Wilhelmina as well. After several rounds of drinks, a civil official raised his cup toward Stanley. "Commander Morris, leading only ten thousand troops, you defeated an army of one hundred twenty thousand, and then took Green Valley with just thirty men—this has already become a legendary tale in Nidora! I deeply admire you!" Jocelyn returned the toast. Before she could speak, Saul, seated nearby, sneered.

Talk soon turned to the situation with the Desert Fox, and when we all put our heads together, it really didn't make sense. The thing about dealing with the military, unless you were the headman in charge, nothing had to make sense; you just followed orders. Our only saving grace is that we were out and had been doing it as a favor. But there was nothing that said I had to take my men into a fucked up situation if I didn't want to. They may try to shame us, but that shit never works. We had too much to live for these days. *** GABRIELLA ***

Not bothering to talk to each other. The next two days proceeded in nearly the same way. This was except for us staying at military encampments for the next two nights and that the food we got was now overseen by the soldiers. Sometimes, one soldier would be in a really bad mood and when this happened one of us would be taken outside. What followed next was the crack of the whip and the screams of the poor man who was taken. Usually they would be dragged back inside later on in the night. Sometimes however, no one would come back and their bodies would not be seen again.