Funny Hypocrisy Quotes

When the lights came on at the end of the graduation party, the spotlight suddenly shifted and froze on a young couple kissing passionately at the back of the auditorium. The young man held up a bouquet of roses and shouted to the crowd, “Sophie, be my girlfriend!” The moment the girl covered her face and nodded, the cheers in the hall nearly lifted the roof. Amid the thunderous applause, my hand trembled around my phone. The screen still showed the message he had sent half an hour earlier. Rowan: [Wait for me. I’ll come to you right away.] After the party, I took off the couple’s bracelet from my wrist and threw it into the gutter, along with four years of love.

My husband, Gabriel Buckner, and I had been married for three years. I'd gotten pregnant twice, but I'd lost both babies. It was all because of my in-laws' parrot that could talk. The first time I got pregnant and went to their house, the parrot stared at my belly and kept repeating, "Get rid of the baby! Get rid of the baby!" The second time, the same thing happened. It looked right at my stomach and said the same words. I thought it was just nonsense, but to my shock, my in-laws actually took the parrot seriously and forced me to end the pregnancy. I even showed them the prenatal checkup report from my doctor to prove that the baby was perfectly healthy and begged them not to do it. But they dragged me to the hospital anyway and made me have an abortion on the spot. When I got pregnant a third time, I wanted to be extra cautious. I went straight for an amniocentesis. The report confirmed the baby was healthy and even showed a 99.9% DNA match with Gabriel's. I thought everything would be fine this time. But as soon as the parrot saw me again, it repeated the same words—"Get rid of the baby." And just like before, the Buckners immediately tried to drag me to the hospital. I couldn't understand it. The baby was perfectly healthy, and the DNA report proved it was Gabriel's child. So why would they rather believe a parrot and insist that I get rid of the baby?

Today happens to be Yvonne Ziegler's birthday. Yvonne is Shawn Jacobson's, my husband's, newly hired personal assistant. Shawn spares no expense in buying her a villa as a birthday present, and Yvonne haughtily takes to social media to show off on the day she moves in. "I'd like everyone to know that I'm married to a wealthy man now." Shawn comments on the post, saying, "Happy birthday, my beloved Yvonne!" In the picture, Shawn's hand rests intimately on Yvonne's slender waist, leaving no doubt about their intimate relationship. In that instant, the company's group chat erupts into a frenzy of notifications, as colleagues declare their envy of Yvonne and heap praise upon her for being young and accomplished. Oscar Jagger, my childhood friend, notices the picture and immediately tags me in the group chat. He then sends me a pointed, teasing message, saying, "Shawn's display of love is so glaring! Congrats on being cheated on, Leslie!" I manage a bitter, wry smile, taking my time to type out the response. "Do you need a villa as well, Oscar? I'm happy to give you a place—a much nicer one than Shawn's, of course."

After entering an infinitely-regressing system, I managed to conquer Shane ninety-nine times straight. Using everything I’d learned, I ended up sleeping with him and getting pregnant. However, the system announced that my mission had failed. Confused, I questioned the system, only to hear a recorded conversation. "I wasn't the one who slept with her that night. "Of course, the system would judge it as a failure once she got pregnant. "If she didn't look like Celine, I would have never chosen her. "I'm done playing this boring little game…" That was when I realized that in this game of love, being sincere was the real joke. What they didn't know was that, without me, this world would have never existed at all.

Three years ago, Swelina Lott, the mate of Holden Grant, my older brother, had read my diary out loud in front of everyone at the ceremony. Holden, who was also the Alpha of the Silvermoon pack, was enraged after hearing the contents. He personally locked me up in the juvenile wolf prison afterward. After all, my diary was filled with entries proclaiming my love and adoration for him. What Holden doesn't know is that the wardens used all sorts of violent punishments on me in order to correct my behavior. As a result, I lost my wolf there. Today is the day I regain my freedom. Holden and Swelina are already waiting for me at the prison gate. The latter even has a sweet smile plastered on her face. "You're finally released, Anria. Holden and I miss you terribly." Meanwhile, Holden just looks at my skeletal frame while saying icily, "Swelina is already pregnant with my pup. That makes her the future Luna of the Silvermoon pack. I hope that you can make peace with her. "If I hear anything about you fantasizing about me again, I don't mind sending you back to this very prison." Upon hearing his threat, I sink down to my knees instantly. My body starts trembling uncontrollably at the same time. Already, I can feel warm liquid seeping through my pants. I won't do that anymore, Holden. Right now, the only thing I want to do is to stay far, far away from you. The further, the better.

During a classmates' reunion party, the villa unexpectedly collapses, trapping both Priscilla Hobbs, my husband's true love, and me beneath the fallen ceiling. My husband is a member of the rescue team. To keep Priscilla alive, he chooses to lift the ceiling from her side. He says, "Pris is an actress. She can't be crippled." The ceiling crushes my legs as it's lifted from the other end. My husband seems to have forgotten that I have a congenital blood clotting disorder. Without my legs, I'll die…

My younger sister, Angela Schrute, got married at 20. By 21, she already had a child. I'm Elizabeth Schrute, 27 years old, and still unmarried. Over the years, I've brought home a few boyfriends. But every time the subject of marriage comes up, my father, Michael Scrute, will take them into his study. I don't know what he said to them. But whenever they come out of that room, they will turn cold and frightening. It's like their hands are itching to wrap around my throat and squeeze the life out of me. My latest boyfriend thinks Dad is being unreasonable… until he follows him into the study. When he emerges, his eyes burn with rage. He breaks up with me on the spot and slaps me. Twice. I still can't figure it out. What is it that drives each of them away? And what secret is hiding in Dad's study?

I'm at the supermarket when an old woman I don't know suddenly grips my hand tightly. I instinctively shield my baby bump, but she says, "Someone has placed a swap spell on you. The dead baby is about to be transferred to your body soon." I think she's a liar, but she says, "Hurry up and try to make yourself vomit. You should try to throw up as much of that fish you just ate as you can."

Ten years ago, I was the main culprit of the 715 explosion that shocked the entire country. Everyone believed that I took huge bribes from a corporation and tampered with safety data. In the end, I ended up burning myself to death out of guilt. Today marks the tenth year after my death. My former fiancé, Brody Pierce, extracts my soul from the particle database. However, he isn't doing it to clear my name. Instead, he wants to put my soul on trial in public. The courtroom is in an uproar. "Laura Quinn is a criminal! She is utterly heartless! Every cent of the dirty money she took is stained with our family's blood." "She even betrayed her own fiancé. There is nothing she wouldn't do for money!" "Mr. Pierce is a righteous man. He's personally putting that wicked woman on trial." The crowd rages, wishing they could annihilate my soul particles. Amid the overwhelming curses, the quantum soul analyzer begins to activate. Yet, when the pure white soul that represents absolute goodness appears, everyone is stunned into silence.

I secretly ordered a delivery of a thousand roses for my wife's birthday, hoping to surprise her. After the delivery was completed, I got a message from the delivery guy. [By the way, I tossed the trash by your door on my way out. Didn't expect you to be so kinky. Good for you, man!] He even sent me a photo. In the picture was an open trash bag stuffed with shredded pantyhose. My mind went completely blank. I was overseas on a business trip. My wife was the only one at home.