Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

"Now you listen. You are mine. Your whole existence is mine. You live for me. Breathe for me. Exist for me. If I tell you to do something. You do it. No questions asked. If I tell you to jump off a building, I want no hesitation from you. I am the master and you are my slave. Do you get me?" Isabella Russo lost her parents to a car crash when she was just eight years old, she moves to Italy to live with her father's sister. 10 years later, she finds out that she was given off to the Perez Mafia family as collateral. What will happen when Capo Domenico Perez comes to take what's his? In a bid to make him fall for her, will she succeed? Or would she find herself falling for the dangerous capo with no one to catch her.

Jericho Astor, the youngest Astor brother and by far the sweetest of the three is a genius when it comes to anything technology—and when it comes to Odette Gibson. Odette Gibson, a cop who just happens to be Jericho's best friend probably knows Jericho better than he knows himself. It's what makes their friendship so strong, it's what keeps them bonded. But, there's a thin line between friendship and something a little more than that and Jericho has been straddling that line for years, until one day he found himself in the deep end drowning in feelings for her that she would never return. Or maybe she will if the hands of fate have anything to do with it... _____________________________ Read book 1: Gunnar, and book 2: Ace. If you don't read the first two books, the third won't make sense.

Imagine you planned to have your boyfriend kidnapped, delivered to your blindfolded and gagged. You fuck him, and pull the hood off after, only to be face to face with a stranger. That stranger, you quickly lean, is the Don of the Cosa Nostra. He's all too pleased to have taken part in your kidnap fantasy.

I trusted her. I trusted him. Big mistake. When I caught my husband and my best friend tangled in betrayal, my world shattered. And my daughter? She chose her as her new mom. Me? Just a housewife. Just the ‘overbearing mom’ who cared too much. Done. I walked away, leaving their apologies and tears in the dust. My husband dropped to his knees, begging, “Please, come back. We can fix this.”My daughter clung to me, crying, “Mom, don’t leave me.” I laughed: “Fix it? Don’t leave? Too late. You had your chance. I don’t need either of you anymore.”

"I, Alpha Dylan Langley, Alpha of the waterside pack Reject you, Esme West pack member of waterside west to be my mate and Luna" On Esme's 18th birthday she figured that the Alpha of the pack was her true mate which meant she would be Luna to the waterside pack. She felt the mate bond breaking and it hurt so much. She didn't know if she was string enough to handle the rejection completely. She was holding back her tears to show him no weakness and no emotion towards his rejection. "I, Esme West of the waterside pack accept your rejection to be you mate and Luna of this pack" I turn towards the entrance of the pack gates and slowly walk towards our home where my mom and dad are sorting mine and my brother's birthday out. I didn't want to cry. I heard of the tales of the rejection and the pain it causes to fated mates but I never thought I would be rejected I especially didn't think the moon goddess would have the Alpha to be my mate. I'm a nothing but a lowly omega. I work for nothing and I am the packs punching bag. Especially the queen be herself who has always wanted Alpha Dylan to be her mate...Adeline carter... Some Wolf's who have been rejected have often left the pack but have not managed to find a new pack who is willing to take them in within the time frame off 2 weeks and they are automatically classed as rogues. Rogues are wolfs who have no packs, some are nice but the thing's I have heard some rogues will kill to get what and where they want to be in the chain.

Naomi knelt down before the Alpha king and gazed up at him with hooded eyes. He looked down at her, angry and waiting. She couldn’t believe she was about to submit to the monster before her, but just for tonight, she would lose herself in the painful pleasure he was offering. “Suck it, you dirty little slut.” He sneered, his manhood bobbing its head in her face. And just like The king ordered, she sucked it like it was her last meal. Naomi was the runt of the pack, tortured and bullied for her weakness. But her stubborn spirit made her never give up. It was her edge, until… It became her downfall. Realizing she was the Alpha king’s mate, the man she hated the most, she rejected him in front of the whole kingdom. But what she didn’t know, you can’t run from destiny. Running from a man who loved to chase his prey. And unluckily for her, the Alpha king, the predator never lets go of what belongs to him. How long would she run for before she’s caught? (Note, this is a dark romance book. There are some limits it would cross, and it might be against what you believe in. Don’t read if you can’t handle it. Don’t give a bad review if you can’t handle it. Just leave it for the targeted audience. Thank you.)

On the night my dad kicked me out, I drank too much and slept with my “brother” It was a one night mistake. Yet, he proposed and claimed me as his mate, his luna. When I woke up, my mom's body was cold. The color was drained from her half-opened eyes, and I could see no signs of life. My father told me that she purposely drank poison to kill herself. But that was a lie. My mother would never kill herself; she would never leave me. That night imprisoned me. - “It wasn’t a mistake,” “What are you talking about, Jonathan?” I asked him. “Arina, you are my mate. You were born to be my luna,” he said. His face showed no signs of humor. “I wasn’t born to be anybody’s luna,” I shot back. “Arina, I love you…” he spoke softly, still staring into my eyes. I could feel the wolf in me stirring; something that I had never felt before. She was awakening; the fire that burned so deep inside of me was beginning to flare. “Love?” I heard myself saying. “There’s no such thing as love…” After everything I knew about “love”, what my mother went through when she married my father, love didn’t exist. “Give me a chance to prove you wrong. Marry me.”

Caught her Fiancé cheating before their wedding, Lucky Salvador was broken beyond repair. To fulfil the wish of her ill mom, she chose to have a baby by Artificial Insemination. Accidentally, she was fertilized with the sperm of Damian, the son of her enemy. Damian Green, the return Billionaire. He only loved one woman but she ruined him to be a monster. He was back for revenge but lost his heart to her again. When the painful past is revealed, could the two broken souls dismiss all misunderstandings and start anew?

One vampire. One Vampire hunter. A forbidden bond. Isabelle Howell seems like your average everyday girl, but I'll let you in on a little secret. She's actually a Slayer and a very good one at that. She spends her nights tangling with the somewhat unsavoury supernaturals that roam the earth, feasting on innocents. Committed to her job and unknown hero to the average humans who walk around blissfully unaware. Isabelle is over the moon when she is given a high priority assignment, something she has waited for, for so long. The chance to prove she can handle herself, the chance to work her way up to the elite team and go on the really dangerous assignments. Her target, you ask? Cassius Lockwood. Powerful pureblood vampire. As handsome as he is cruel. The blood- fiend, well known for his merciless ways. His reputation doesn't put her off if anything she finds the challenge exciting. That is, however, until she has him (or who she thinks is him) cowering before her. At a time where she should be thrilled, it just isn’t right and what he says to her will haunt her for the rest of her days.

I thought I had it all. I thought I’d finally cracked the code. I thought my mom was wrong when she said all men are the same-that all men are scum and will leave you without notice. Well, the saying “Mama knows best…” I learned it the hard way. Because indeed, Mama knows best. I should’ve listened when she warned me. I should’ve been more cautious. After two years of marriage, Nate decided he didn’t want me anymore, and I don’t even deserve to know why. That night, he took everything from me. He turned everyone against me. And just when I thought life was going back to normal, when I was finally picking up the broken pieces, he comes knocking. “I’m sorry, Elara. I want you back. Please, come back to me,” Nate pleads. “I will do whatever you want me to do.”