Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

Triple Threats -Strong Female Lead -Three scoundrels, Cough! Cuties on a mission. -Rebirth Interviewer, "If you and your husband's mistress are drowning, who would he save first?" Scarlett Tates scoffs, "That's a ridiculous question. I don't have the time to play such stupid games. In Fact, you've just reminded me to take swimming lessons." Dakota Asgrave frosts over, "Mrs Asgrave how can I be your prince charming if you don't spare me some opportunities? You, stop this interview! How dare you put bad thoughts into my wife's mind?! Isn't it hard enough that she is a prodigy in everything?!" Interviewer, "..." * * * Scarlett Tates, an overbearing aristocrat, didn't expect the cliche that happens in books to happen to her as well. Her fiance, whom she donated a kidney to, cheated on her with her senior step-sister. Distraught, she sought solace in alcohol and ended up sleeping with an unknown man! Strangely, after that steamy night she found herself, bloody and with a sickly baby girl in front of her parents' gates with no memory of what had happened or where she's been in the last 9 months! Over the next ten years, the once proud woman was chastised by the world, used and abused by her family, fiance and her once greatest hope of a love-filled life, her husband. What's worse she was separated from her daughter for five years! In the end, Scarlett died a miserable death of being run down by a car like an animal and made a wish in her last breath. It seemed God had finally noticed her when she opened her eyes, back five years in the past! After being given a second chance how will Scarlett take charge of her life? What truths might she discover on her way of becoming the next top doctor?

To Rosetta, life was way too short to be lived within strict rules. The night before she turned 18, Rosetta signed up to be a one-time stripper at a private bar, and she ends up in the bed of a mysterious stranger who takes her to heaven and back. The following morning, he leaves before she awakens, making her to wonder if he was ever real. When her mother remarries for the third time, Rosetta is forced to relocate to Los Angeles with her, and her world falls apart when she realizes that her mother's new husband is the same man she had met weeks earlier at the club. Damon Brooks is her latest stepfather! Now, she has to fight her growing feelings for the only man who makes her mother happy, and risk losing a chance with him. Does it get better or worse when she finds out that Damon is falling, even harder for her, right under the nose of her mother? What happens when her step father gives her 100 days to enjoy their dirty little game, after which everything must end. Can Rosette handle the pain of what happens after? There's only one way to find out. Read this book, Now!

Portia 'Tia' Colby has always been ignored in favor of her twin sisters. The only people who truly acknowledged her are her mom and her best friends, Mark and Lynn. The future Alphas of the Emerald Lake Park are identical twins. They are eager to take over but have yet to find their fated mate. They decide to take chosen mates instead. What happens when Portia is made to return home for the Alpha ceremony and runs across her mate...or mates, the Alpha twins themselves? What does her family say when, before her appearance, her twin sisters were set to become Lunas of the Emerald Lake Pack? Who will become Luna? How will her family react? This is a series that contains: Three Fated Hearts, TFH: Another Chance, TFH: Things Change, and TFH: Making Things Right

On my son’s birthday, my husband had asked his first love to pick our son up from our home. While I stubbornly refused to let him go, a huge fire broke out in the hallway during our standoff. I was struck by falling debris, and blood started streaming from my head. However, my son was unharmed as he lay beneath me. My husband, who was a firefighter, came forward to rescue us. But he handed the only gas mask he had to his first love. “Miss Leia has a weaker constitution. Dad, please get her out first. Mom, wait for the other firefighters to save you!” I watched them leave with a faint, bitter smile. It appeared that they had both forgotten my severe asthma and the fact that I would die without a gas mask.

32 year old Sophie decided it's time to stop hiding so she filled up an application to be a Sugar Baby. Weekends that used to be filled up with Netflix and comfort food are now changed into a high-paying profession. Well, weekend profession. She's still the busy working mom of 2 during the weekdays. 19 year old Abigail is the average college girl who has a cuckoo aunt. Her proposal has backfired when her aunt decided to use her info in the profile she's setting up at Cupcake, a Sugar Baby website. Let's hope nobody finds out Abigail signed up as a Sugar Baby. Let's pray harder for Aunt Sophie who has the confidence to pull off being an Abigail during the weekends. Cross your fingers! And your legs too, Soph. I mean, Abby. Err, Weekend-Abby. Cross your legs, Weekend-Abby!

Bianca needs a refuge. She ends at a weird place… the « Crossroads café » well named as it stands in the middle of nowhere and manage to get a job there. Little did she knows that the Crossroads café is the place in between packs… the only space where différents groups of werewolves can stop to take a break.

On the fifth anniversary of my marriage to Vicente Buckley, he violated my trust by sleeping with my best friend Kinsley Gilmore, on our bed. Through the camera, my son Jamie Buckley's childish voice sounded. "Kinsley, I'll keep watch at the door. I won't let my mom come in!" As if rewarding him, Kinsley pecked Vicente and suggested, "Your son is great. Don't you think about having another child with Patricia?" Vicente responded by covering her face with a pillow, saying, "The scar on her belly disgusts me."

I was an orphan being adopted by a simple family. My dad was a driver of a very powerful businessman. My mom was one of their maids. She was in fact their lady butler. This family with gazillion bank accounts had an only heir, drop dead gorgeous young billionaire, Albert Michaels. He was always the talk of the news both in mainstream and social media along with either a popular pop star diva or a hubristic socialite with voluptuous body and kittenish voice. I, Samantha Reynolds, one of their servants had been stealthily trailing him since the day that I stepped in their grand top of a kind living room. His stone cold aloof aura as he stared at me everytime he caught me gawking at him made him even more attractive and charming than he already was. Till one rainy night, a magical or should I say disaster happened. Arriving at home late and intoxicated while I was busy wiping the glass tea table, he was almost dropping himself on the cold marble floor. Guiding him towards his room, his heaviness was weighing up my petite body. Till we both dropped on his king sized bed with me under him. His glassy eyes tingling my long time desire. His warm rims made me want to wrap them with mine. Till time stood still as the rain continued pouring engulfing the atmosphere with its coldness while him covering me with his burning libido. As we both reached the top, he called a name, ''Madeline!'' D*mn!

"Now you listen. You are mine. Your whole existence is mine. You live for me. Breathe for me. Exist for me. If I tell you to do something. You do it. No questions asked. If I tell you to jump off a building, I want no hesitation from you. I am the master and you are my slave. Do you get me?" Isabella Russo lost her parents to a car crash when she was just eight years old, she moves to Italy to live with her father's sister. 10 years later, she finds out that she was given off to the Perez Mafia family as collateral. What will happen when Capo Domenico Perez comes to take what's his? In a bid to make him fall for her, will she succeed? Or would she find herself falling for the dangerous capo with no one to catch her.

IF HE IS NOT WILLING TO BE HER REAL HUSBAND, WHAT'S THE HARMFUL IN SUDUCING HIM? Charlotte Foster is in love with Morgan, her father's kind business partner who has quickly become her best friend since she met him. Now, at 20, and after several unsuccessful attempts to make Morgan see her as a woman, Charlie is prevented from receiving the inheritance that is rightfully hers, thanks to the schemes of her late father and her terrible stepmother. That's when Morgan surprises her with a proposal: become her husband for a year, so that she can receive what belongs to her. However, for Charlie, money is the least important thing in that situation. Morgan Sullivan struggled for a long time with his repressed feelings for Charlie, the authentic and impulsive daughter of his greedy partner. However, after years of managing to hide his love for her, he sees no other way out than marrying her to protect her from her Machiavellian stepmother. After all, it will only be for a year and everything will be a farce, since he will never touch her. As much as you want. And as much as he is no longer able to hide what he feels for her so well. Realizing that her husband may not be as indifferent to her as he thought, Charlie decides she needs to use that year to seduce her husband and turn their fake marriage into something very real.