Funny Quotes Reading Novels & Stories

My husband, Don Cassian, just survived an assassination attempt. He limped in, bleeding, and ordered me to stitch him up. But when I reached into his blood-soaked suit, my fingers brushed against something soft. Black lace panties. Not mine. My hand flew to my still-flat stomach. For our child. How could he do this to us? Ice flooded my veins. “We’re done, Cassian.” His gaze was heavy, exhausted. He gave a single, sharp nod. “Fine. I’ll have my lawyer draft the papers.” But then, a frantic little voice—one that wasn't mine—screamed from deep within my womb. [Mom, don’t leave him! Dad didn’t cheat! The family isn’t going to fall. It’s a setup!] [Oriana Gallo planned all of this! She wants your place! She put those panties in his pocket herself!] [If you leave, her men will grab you. They’ll take you to an abandoned warehouse and dump your body in Lake Michigan. Then she’ll play the grieving friend, comfort Dad, and become the new Mrs. Marino!] [Mom, I came back to stop this! Please, don’t fall for it again!] I snapped back to the present. Spinning around, I launched myself into Cassian's arms, my body wracked with sobs. “I was just trying to scare you! How could you agree so easily? Are you that tired of me?” I jabbed a finger at his chest, tears streaming down my face.

I always had a unique kind of mind-reading ability—I could hear the thoughts of people who didn't truly love me. On the night before my wedding, I suddenly heard my fiance's thoughts. 'If she shows up unexpectedly to disrupt the wedding tomorrow, will wearing leather shoes make it harder to escape?' I didn't say a word. The next day, without a second thought, I boarded a plane and left Chilia. In the end, that wedding, regarding a runaway bride and groom who never showed up, became the city's most infamous joke.

On my first day of work, I found myself face-to-face with the "Reaper", the infamously cold CEO, Silas Vance. I was paralyzed; he was the spitting image of Lucas Thorne, the treacherous ex who bankrupted me and left me for dead in my previous life. "Get out," he commanded, his voice cold. Just as I reached the door knob, a frantic, ecstatic voice erupted inside my head: [Holy crap! Is this my long-lost fiancee? She is a million times more stunning than her pictures! Is she already head-over-heels for me? Quick, I need to say something harsh to maintain my cool persona!] I freeze, the truth hitting me like a lightning bolt. He isn’t my ex. He’s the man my grandfather betrothed me to in childhood, whom I rejected in my previous life before falling prey to a swindler. Silas thought I was here to break off the engagement. Little did he know, I returned from the grave with a secret weapon: I could hear every one of his thoughts. 'Go ahead, Silas. Keep up the cold, untouchable act. With your heart screaming your secrets directly into my brain, I’m going to peel back those layers of yours one by one until you’re completely under my thumb. 'This time, the game is mine.'

When the babies in my womb were about five months old, I suddenly heard my daughter's voice in my head. "Mommy, Bella is trying to get rid of me. She's grabbing my umbilical cord with her hands. It hurts so much…" Believing Ava, I forced myself to eat nonstop and take every supplement I could. I even asked the doctor whether there was any medicine that could suppress Bella's growth. When I was in labor, the fetuses were too large. I lost so much blood and only delivered Ava before I died. Bella died in me as well. Right before my consciousness faded, I saw the newly born Ava looking at me with a wicked smile. "You idiot. You believed everything I said. Your luck, Bella's luck, and even Daddy's luck. I'll gladly take them all." Only then did I realize that Ava, whom I fought so hard to give birth to, was a monster. When I opened my eyes again, it was back to the very first day I heard Ava's voice in my head.

My roommate sets me up. She deliberately forces me into a death-trap survival game. As I shut my eyes and wait for death to take me, I realize that the game's bosses can read my mind. "Look at the blood spurting from this baby doll's neck. It's like a fountain of pee." The baby doll is baffled. It's about to launch its ultimate move, but it falters. "Man, look at how this guy is still sweeping the streets when he's so old. Does he not have a pension?" The old man is about to swallow me whole, but he suddenly gets a heart attack. An ambulance takes him away. "Oh, so this is the amusement park's owner. Oh, dear god, he's handsome, albeit a little skinny. I can send him flying with a kick!" The handsome owner's expression darkens. He instantly takes off his shirt to reveal his washboard abs. "Do you still think I'm skinny?"

After my succubus bloodline awakened, I made a habit of rating the CEO as "just okay" every single time he satisfied me. It was a guaranteed hit to his pride, right where it hurt. And like clockwork, he would grow colder, sharper, and even more determined to prove himself all over again. I glitched him into being obsessed with me for three straight years. That was, until my family finally arranged a so-called "perfect" bonding match for me. Just as I was getting ready to run, a flood of comments suddenly appeared in front of my eyes. [Eva, are you seriously doing this? If you run now, you'll be on the bed with him forever!] [Poor Arnold. He was in bed this morning, happily ordering toys and incubus outfits online, completely unaware his girlfriend was about to vanish!] [This is hilarious! She never realized he is an incubus and he never knew she is a succubus, either. They were both pretending to be human. I need to know what happens when he drags her back. I'm begging for the tail-around-the-waist scene!] [Run, Eva, run! I can't wait for Arnold to realize he got played and go completely unhinged. I can't even imagine how steamy the scene would be!]

My best friend, Sophia Lisciotti, is brutally murdered at the docks, and I cover up for the real killer. The Don of the Sollazzo family interrogates me, and the Sollazzos hunt me down. Nevertheless, I guard the secret. I would rather die than speak. Ten years later, my former best friend, Valeria Sollazzo, rises to become the Principessa of the Sollazzo family, wielding absolute power. She chains me to the tribunal platform and places a memory extractor over my head. "Lina, you let the murderer walk free for ten years. Today, I'll drag out the secret you've spent your whole life hiding." But when the screen projects the murderer's face, the ruthless Principessa goes deathly pale.

A young guy keeps getting into trouble in very funny and unfortunate ways. He wrecked havocs on people too, mistakenly. He hallucinated and had great fantasies about people to brighten up his hearers. Afterwards, he came back to his mundane reality.

In my previous life, my sister, Clarissa Smith, and I were adopted at the same time. She chose the Newmans, a prestigious family of scientists, leaving me with an impoverished divorcee. But later on, the Newmans kicked her out, and her reputation was completely ruined. Meanwhile, I'd married rich and had tens of millions of dollars from the government's relocation compensation package. Clarissa couldn't accept how differently our lives turned out, so she stabbed me to death. When my eyes open once more, I find myself alive again. I've gone back in time to the day Clarissa and I were adopted. To my surprise, I can hear her thoughts. [This time, I'm going to be the one who gets rich overnight!] As it turns out, she has been reborn as well. Well, this time around, she can be the one who gets to endure the torment instead.

After discovering I was pregnant at the military family hospital, I began hearing the voice of my unborn child. When my brother came to visit, I was just about to share the good news with him when my baby sobbed, stopping me in my tracks. "Don't do it! Aunt May's pregnant too, and Uncle Jerry is worried that you'd stop helping them once I'm born. He'll force you to abort me!" And so, I contacted the security department to stop my brother from entering. The very next day, news came that he had been brutally murdered by his enemies, and that his body had been thrown into the river. That's when I knew that he hadn't come to visit family, he had come seeking refuge after provoking some people he shouldn't have. May, my sister-in-law, was devastated and blamed me for his death. At the lowest point of my life, my husband, Ben, stayed by my side, encouraging me to get my act back together, but the baby in my womb continued speaking: "Dad's kissing Aunt May right now! He's so good to you because he feels guilty for cheating on you!" When I came to my senses, I had already stormed into the military compound to catch them in the act. But inside was an important military strategy meeting, and Ben was both punished and demoted for what I did. Disappointed, he asked me for a divorce, yet the baby laughed and said, "Dad's just playing chicken! I guarantee that if you agree to the divorce, he'll be begging for you to come back to him within three days. He loves you too much to let you go!" I signed the divorce letter and waited for a whole three months, only for him to get married to another woman. I rushed to the wedding in desperation, only to be dragged into an alleyway by drunk thugs. Yet, the entire time, my child was cheering happily! Even until my dying breath, I couldn't understand why my child wanted me to be destroyed! When I opened my eyes again, I returned to the day I found out I was pregnant…