Funny Sexual Jokes

If you are going to be BAD, then you have to do it the BAD way... It's pretty simple: 1) Don't get caught 2) Always have a Plan B 3) If all else fails... Run...Run for your life! Everyone has a bad side. Some try to deny it's existence, some hide it and others well...they rule the world with it. In the book of being BAD, there are ninety-nine formulas for world domination... Number one: You aren't BAD until you can walk around the school dressed in all pink and have everyone afraid to approach you. Number two: You aren't BAD until you can break into a certain bad boys house and well... do the wrong kinds of stuff. Number three: You aren't bad until quite frankly, you have declared vengeance against the bad boy. ~*~ "I heard you like bad boys," Blade says with a vivid smirk on his face. I glared up at him, without responding clenching my fists fighting the urge to punch him in the face. "So...?" He says after a couple of seconds of silence. "So what?" "So what do you think...Tinker Bell?" He says emphasizing on the stupid name. His face moved closer to mine and I stared back into his green eyes, watching the fire inside ignite. I smirked, "Then find me one." Blade grins at my witty retort and shrugs it off. "I look at you and I see cotton candy, but then you open your mouth... and suddenly you turn into liquorice," he scoffs. "Welcome to the game bitch, your move, now let's play."

WARNING: R-18 l MATURE CONTENT l SPG l VERY SEXUAL l READ RESPONSIBLY No woman could tame a Sandoval like Gaston Pierre, but she did so without even realizing it. The playboy son of a powerful family in Davao vowed to himself that he would not be involved with any woman. For him, women are simply distractions. Before meeting her, he used to play around. Everything around him is a joke, all in good fun. But when he met the young and innocent woman in their hacienda, everything changed. Her innocence and pure heart enchanted him. She redefined his life. He now sees life differently than he did before. She gave him direction, a guide. Camilla is now the light of his life, his everything. But, like all love stories, theirs was tested. Fate played a part. An accident happened. He lost his sight. Living in the dark for years, he punished himself and sought no refuge. He enjoyed living in darkness because it allowed him to see the light. In the darkness, he can see her shine. She's the only light that has kept him alive for years. She is the only star he wants to see every night, but she is nowhere to be found. How long will he wait? Can he still find what's missing? Will the stars align to give another chance to the love they failed to protect? Or will he forever live in darkness, unable to see the brightest stars tonight?

"Why are you angry?" I asked him. "It's not like we're a couple." He stopped, and stared at me, boring my eyes with his emerald eyes. "If we are…" He paused, clenching his jaw, "then am I allowed to be angry?” I looked at him like he was insane. “Then we'll take it to that level." He continued. "I'm serious. I want you.” Leizel Snow Garcia Waterstrings is not just fierce. She's more than that. Ending up as an ice cream worker in a local ice cream shop, it was her one step of becoming a strong and independent woman. And that's when a cold-hearted stranger came in view. Eion Aurelio Hudson. Out of seven billion people in the world, the two hard-headed people crossed paths, making her "strong and independent woman" facade slowly fall apart. With all the dramas, free food, forgotten birthdays, Robot handling, idiots around, and emotional crisis, will she be able to melt his winter heart with her blazing fire or will this fire be put away instantly? ``` ``` One Blazing Head. One Winter Heart. Two Hard-headed people. A huge disaster. (Book 1 of Hearts Series but can be read as standalone)

"Now you listen. You are mine. Your whole existence is mine. You live for me. Breathe for me. Exist for me. If I tell you to do something. You do it. No questions asked. If I tell you to jump off a building, I want no hesitation from you. I am the master and you are my slave. Do you get me?" Isabella Russo lost her parents to a car crash when she was just eight years old, she moves to Italy to live with her father's sister. 10 years later, she finds out that she was given off to the Perez Mafia family as collateral. What will happen when Capo Domenico Perez comes to take what's his? In a bid to make him fall for her, will she succeed? Or would she find herself falling for the dangerous capo with no one to catch her.

#mutual contain 18+only "you should go to the other room" he said She looked at him in shock its there first night. He was nervous and open his mouth to say something. After a while, he said "your father makes a deal with me that if I marry you he will give me half of his property. My company is in loss and I don't want to marry you coz I am not interested in you, you are not my type.i feel disturbed when you are around me!" It is all he said to her. She got up from bed and a hot tear escape from eye and she left his room. She did not said a word to him. *************************** Roya knight-she is good. Age=22 educated and shy in nature. She is rich but she is also black in color. She never wear something so revealing. Simple and always smile. And she is tall, slim, perfect body, and her eyes is most attractive. She has every good thing but only lack of personality is her color. Johnson Robin - He is handsome. Every girl dream about him. He has well built body. He has blue eyes and white men. He is men of his word. Age=27. He run huge business and he has so many girlfriend. Content and /or trigger warning :This story contains mature sexual content. Strong language ahead, adult jokes also. Which may trigger for some readers. You have been warned

Sa gitna ng masalimuot na buhay sa Maynila, si Heart Cruz, isang dedicated nurse, ay nagkakaroon ng muling pagkikita kasama ang kanyang mga kaibigan mula pagkabata, sina Althea, Angie, at Janith. Isang araw, habang abala sa kanyang duty sa isang pribadong hospital, nakatagpo siya ng hindi inaasahang insidente kay Brandon Flores, isang mayamang businessman at may-ari ng hotel at beach resort at isang Multi-Billionare. Ang isang simpleng banggaan ay nagresulta sa isang hindi kanais-nais na pagkakahawakan na nagpasiklab ng galit ni Heart. Habang ang kanyang kaibigan na si Janith ay nalalapit na sa panganganak, nagiging masalimuot ang sitwasyon nang magtagpo muli ang kanilang mga landas. Sa gitna ng emosyon at tensyon, kailangang harapin ni Heart ang kanyang galit at ang mga hindi inaasahang damdamin kay Brandon, na tila may mas malalim na ugat sa kanyang galit at ang kanyang asal na para dito. Ano kaya mangyari sa dalawa habang tinatahak ang hamon ng kanilang nakaraan at kasalukuyan? May pag-ibig ba kayang mabubuo sa kanilang alitan. Ano kayang kwentong sa pagkakaibigan? May pag-ibig pa kayang bumuo sa kanilang wasak na puso? At pagtuklas sa tunay na pagkatao sa kabila ng mga pagsubok at hamon sa buhay? "PAHIRAM NG ISANG GABI (BOOK #1)

Rated 18 Read at your own risk Walang ibang nais si Monica kundi ang makaahon sa hirap at buhayin ang kaniyang isang anak na lalaki, na bunga ng one-night stand sa isang estranghero. Kahit anong trabaho pinapasok niya maging ito ay kapit sa patalim. Pinatos niya ang trabaho bilang ispiya ng mafia organization. Subalit sinubok ang kaniyang prinsipyo nang makilala si Federico Sartorre, ang mafia boss na unang target na ibinigay ng kaniyang amo. Si Federico ay isa sa miyembro ng pinakamalaking mafia organization, ang Cosa El Gamma. Bukod sa pamilyar ito sa kaniya at hawig ng kaniyang anak, nakitaan niya ito ng tattoo na katulad sa lalaking nakaniig niya noon sa isang bar sa Japan. Habang nasa puder siya ni Federico bilang maid, hindi lamang trabaho ang kaniyang pakay, kundi ang tuklasin ang misteryo sa pagkatao nito. Ngunit mabilis nahulog ang puso niya sa binata at nag-assume na ito ang ama ng kaniyang anak. Paano kung si Federico nga ang tatay ng kaniyang anak? Susuwayin ba niya ang misyon at piliin ang sigaw ng puso?

Love is the most beautiful feeling in world. A heart eventually falls for a person without any thought. But what happened when a person is made forcefully to love his or her partner. A girl was tied to a chair in the dark room .Her body was covered in bruises and marks. She was whimpering in pain. A man entered the room and sat next to her. He touched her cheek and said," Say, That you love me”. Girl looked at him with blurry vision and said," I will never love a person like you ”. The man get angry and slapped her hard.Girl fall on the floor with a thud. This story is about a 20 year old girl who was living her life happily but everything changed when she caught the eyes the eyes of a buisness tycoon. She tried her best to resist him but failed miserably and tied in the knot of wedding. She was trying to overcome this phase of her life but one night changed everything. She was finding herself now in a more worst condition than before. Her husband tried his best to made the girl fall for him by forcing her and acting violently on her. **Please Ignore the minor error in few of the starting chapters. I will edit it later** Thank you so much for giving this story a chance to read..

"I want this," I repeat my words. "And what exactly is this?" he smiles and holds my back with his hands in all his casual sexiness. "I want my orgasm," "You're not there yet, baby girl." He stated softly, his hands trail down to my ass and squeezed them making me pouted at him. "I can get there, you can get me there." "I will, but not right now," ***** Jessica had tried her hardest to rebuild the family legacy, but her brother's scandalous past has proven hard to make her bounce back. And when her family business was bought out, there was nothing she could do but follow her lawyers' advice. But what she didn't expect was her new boss. The fact that she has someone to report to annoyed her, and for that someone to be handsome and smart it infuriates her. She knows he's a player, he knows she's a fragile woman with a very dark past. Can she shake him off and live peacefully with her job? or will he push himself and break out from his comfort zone to make her fall for him? ***** The love story will be emotional, irritating, and eh...I'm still not sure what else :p But the happy ending will be inevitable. So, add this book to your library and join me as we read about Jessica's happy ending. ***** Warning! R-Rated for 18+ due to strong, explicit language and sexual content*

Damon Karsyn had this creepy desire for . When he found out the perfect match for him, his demon horn began to wiggle in satisfaction. His manipulative, dominant, and masochistic side will lead him to destroy the innocent toy of him. Keatton Morgan is the only child and heiress of Elise and William Morgan. The epitome of a persistent and intelligent son he is but on the contrary to it, he was weak and fragile but feisty. In spite of his gender identity and sexual orientation, he wants to prove to his parent that he can be successful without depending on them. "Please, Dr. Karsyn. Do-Don't me" Keatton pleaded while his blood began to flow. "The prey is now in my inferno. Don't worry Kitty ! I will give you blissful hell" and with one punch, Keattons vision began to dim.