Funny Sexual Jokes

"I can make you more flattered, I can also make you scream my name." He boasted as he went back to lock the door of my room. "Our parents are fast asleep, you shouldn't worry about them. I want to make you feel like a woman." He added. Joan had been a lonely bookworm girl who the opposite gender was never really interested in. Fortunately a boy at school picked up interest in her but Joan rejected him because he was rumoured to be a bully Playboy. Joan's mum suddenly got married to her boyfriend and they had to move into his house. What happens when Joan moved into her stepfather's house and discovered that he had a son and he was the bully at school who she had rejected? Her twist of fate started when her stepbrother proposed a secret sexual relationship between them. How would Joan react to his advances? FIND OUT!

"You are fucking mine .only i have right to kiss those plump lips . I fucking own your soul. Somia is only Haris's ." Saying this he smashed his lips to mine "Jaana . I might be a playboy back . But its my first kiss . You know according to me lip and forehead kiss is just a symbol of love but I accept it today" saying this he again smashed his lips to mine ................................. "How many kids you want in future?" My eyes widened at her question. Is she for real. "Ooooooo!! you are blushing at the name of kids . So cute!" saying this she pulled my cheeks and suddenly kissed me on my cheeks.She looked down getting embarrassed by her act . She did this unknowingly. I was shocked. .............. She came forward but suddenly she tripped by her dress but I caught her . Our eyes got locked and it seems like the world around us stopped . She fit perfectly in my arms. I can feel her accelerated heart beat. Her rosy lips were the first thing which was making me hard in my pants.Her smell was super intoxicating. ................. We have always heard that there are 6 identical individuals of a person. Is it true? Lets see!! It is always said that opposite attracts. Somia a young girl living in the city of saints, belongs to a middle class family. She is financially helping her father to make the both ends meet. A sweet bubbly self-made girl who knows how to deal with this cruel world. But what happens when she unknowingly falls for a cold hearted devil. Haris a cold hearted devil having several night stands . Love is not his cup of coffee. Join the journey of two opposite natured persons to know what happens when they cross their paths.

“You can’t love me!” I snapped, tears blurring his handsome face. “Why?” Asher demanded, looking appalled. “Because I betrayed you…” I whispered, my heart breaking apart. “Because I came here to…destroy you.” What happens when the man you were sent to destroy turns out to be your mate and the love of your life? 25 years old Ivy never expected her beautiful life to turn into her darkest nightmare by a man named Alpha Killian Price. After destroying her pack and killing her entire family, except for her father, Killian has an offer for Ivy that could help her piece her life together again. But that offer comes at a price Ivy wasn’t ready to pay. Killian wanted her to destroy GrayCrest, the most powerful pack in the country, in exchange for her father’s life. But how could Ivy destroy the pack whose Alpha was her mate and the love of her life? Her father or her mate…there was a choice Ivy needed to make. But the stakes were too high and time was running out fast. Can Ivy make the right choice before the most brutal war in history claims innocent lives and destroys hundreds of packs in its wake? Sizzling, passionate, funny, and full of unexpected twists and actions… witness a story that will take your breath away!

Just when things took turn for the worst. Emma Millers got her happily ever after, when Xavier Powers, a man she had saved from death, gave her a new opportunity for life. A nice job and a brand new furnished house to start a fresh with her family.

He smirked, knowing he was on the winning side. "So it's a done deal for three months?" He raised his eyebrows, putting his hand forth for a handshake. I looked at the long fingers and perfectly aligned nails and then at his patient face. Sighing to myself I my own hand into his and ignored the tingles that flowed through every nerve as his fingers curled around my hand and shook it lightly. "Yeah three months." "Goodnight then." He winked, removing his hand from mine and turned to walk away. "Hey wait!" I called out, suddenly remembering something. "You don't have my number." "What makes you think that? I have my ways Smith." And with one last wink I saw him take a turn and disappear from my sight. I let out a long breath, leaning on the nearby wall. Looks like I just made a deal with the Devil. * A sarcastic girl, a cocky guy. Throw in some mystery, murder, filthy jokes, wonderful friends, tons of kisses, secrets, surprises, eye-rolls and a killer on run. And you have got yourself a story never read before. ***So grab a cup of hot chocolate, some chips and a warm blanket and get ready to laugh, cry and bite your lip in anticipation. Enjoy!!

Jagger has a double life, a life bound to the law and another where he breaks every law known to man as he does his job as The Enforcer for the New York City Mafia. Jagger has been engulfed in sorrow since he lost the woman he loved and their baby when she got caught up in the dark side of his life.  Jagger sank into depression, drugs, and alcohol while trying to fight off his demons and get revenge for what happened to the woman he loved and their baby. The man that killed them is a ghost, a ghost Jagger can’t seem to find. Jagger rebuilt his life, becoming the most reputable criminal lawyer in New York City, and now he needs to face the man he stole his woman from in court. His past seems to come back to haunt him when he meets the only woman who has made him forget about his past and wants to be with someone again.  Calliope Flores is a law student who is suing one of her professors for sexual harassment. Her life has turned upside down, as she has to deal with what happened and relive it every second of every day. When she meets the lawyer representing her professor, her disgust for him mixes with lust, desire, and a mind-blowing sexual attraction.  Callie tries to fight off her desire while cultivating the anger that fuels her body. Getting mixed up with a big-time lawyer from the opposite side seems like a mistake Callie is willing to make if it will make her feel alive again.  This is the third and last book of The Legacies series. This book can be read as a stand-alone, but it is recommended to read the other books first for better comprehension. 

"First, I wanted us to leave separately after the wedding, next I won't interfere in your relationship, you can still have a lover and so do I, and third I won't go in your way I will stay away from you,and additional maybe giving our marriage a limit like two years so you can marry whomever you want and I can marry the man I wanted to,even were already couples I swear,you will never notice me like I never existed" She was expecting a positive response from her husband to be Asher Sebastian Voclain who was a famous car racers, but he looked displeased, after he refused to marry her for three consecutive years ay hindi na umaasa si Maleah na magpapakasal pa sila. But because of what she did she hits the most sensitive part of her narcissistic fiancee, which activates his possessiveness and obsessive sides towards her. He didn't want a divorce, he wanted her to stay with him but Asher is a womanizer and looks like she's just his second priority of course the fans will be the first. And she had enough of his self centeredness, and apathetic behavior towards her. She wanted to know his true self and she wanted to push him to his limit hanggang mapaamin niya ito. She was desperate to know what he really feels about her, because it's driving her crazy and breaking her heart every time. Does Asher really like her? Or Just using her to fulfill the last will in testament nang lola nito.

Cocky, arrogant, and dropped dead gorgeous: That described my boss, Mr. Craft, to a T. His thick hair, cold blue eyes and strong jaw held power in a conference meeting, causing women to melt in his presence. I’ve wanted to confront him on his stubborn attitude and critical demands for employees. I’d bitten my tongue in many scenarios and held in my true feelings over a dozen times. Keeping the peace was necessary until I had enough experience under my belt to move onto bigger and better things. The only problem was; Craft Marketing was the bigger and better, and the longer I stuck it out with him, meant more opportunities would arise. I’d been the only female intern to land a job directly under him, and was also the only one who hadn’t slept with him. I knew he was promiscuous with the tall and leggy blondes that breezed into his office looking immaculate, then scurried back out with mussed hair, flushed cheeks, and unbuttoned blouses. I'd ignore the magnetic pull of chemistry and curiosity between us. Unless it came to my advantage.

LEXIE ZIMMERMAN- Isang simpleng babae na puno ng dignidad, nangangarap ng isang simpleng buhay na may kapayapaan ngunit mahirap para sa kan’ya na makaalis sa poder ng mga Terorista. Ang unang misyon ni Lexie ay patayin si Cedric ngunit dahil sa maling impormasyon na natanggap niya, nabigo ang kanyang misyon. Sa halip na patayin si Cedric, iniligtas pa niya ito. Idineklarang traydor sa kanilang grupo ang dalaga, dahilan kung bakit gusto siyang patayin ng mga kasamahan niyang terorista. CEDRIC HILTON- Sa edad na 34 ay naging matagumpay sa buhay, siya ang batang bilyonaryo na naging Governor ng Montenegro City. Naging obsessed sa babaeng nagligtas ng kanyang buhay. Hindi tumigil ang binata sa paghahanap sa dalaga hanggang sa natagpuan niya ang pamilya nito. Pwersahan niyang ipinakasal sa kanya ang dalaga, ngunit isang pagkakamali ang naging desisyon ng binata dahil ang babaeng pinakasalan nito ay ang identical twin ni Lexie, si Chloe Tanner. Ano ang gagawin ni Cedric kung malaman niya na ang babaeng kinahuhumalingan ay isang Terorista? May pag-asa pa bang magkatuluyan ang dalawa, gayong kasal na ang binata sa kakambal ni Lexie? Ano ang mangyayari kapag nagsama sa iisang bubong ang supladong Governor at ang makulit na dalagang Terorista? Siguradong babaligtad ang mundo mo dito. Samahan n’yo akong pasukin at tuklasin ang mundo ni Lexie Zimmerman at Cedric Hilton sa “Don’t Mess with Me.”

"Have you done this before?” he asked. I shook my head quickly. “Use your words,” he ordered, his tone firmer this time, sending a shiver down my spine. “No, Daddy,” I answered softly, feeling my body already yearning for his touch. He studied me for a moment, his gaze both intense and thoughtful. Then, a small smile tugged at his lips. “Yet, you did so well. I’m proud of you.” His praise washed over me like warm honey, and I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips. It felt like a little victory I didn’t know I was striving for. “Have you orgasmed before, sweet girl?” he asked in a husky voice. “No, Daddy.” He exhaled deeply, his expression darkening with something I couldn’t quite read. “So, you haven’t come before? Shame on them little boys.” His voice was rougher now, and I saw a flicker of anger in his eyes, like it genuinely bothered him. “I can’t stand knowing that. Do you want to come for Daddy?” When Flora got fed up with the constant mistreatment from Jayden and his ruthless family, she finally asked for a divorce. But Jayden suddenly realized he never wanted to lose her. But was Flora ready to be won back after tasting a life of freedom? Will she return to the man who once broke her, or take a chance on a love that defies all odds? WARNING: This story contains highly descriptive sexual content and explores themes of age gap, domination, submission, BDSM, and praise. All characters in this book are of age, and every sexual activity is consensual. Subsequent chapters may not include additional trigger warnings, so please consider this your warning.