Teach me to desire
It was as if my entire life had been muted, played in black and white, and suddenly, he turned the saturation up to a painful, impossible level.
I closed my eyes, forcing myself to confront the terrifying realization:
The desire I felt for Igor was not fleeting lust; it was a deep, consuming need for connection, a desperate longing to breach the impenetrable armor of a man who terrified me. I didn't just want him sexually; I wanted his focus, his brilliance, his dangerous attention.
I didn't realize I was queer. I didn’t realize I was capable of feeling this kind of absolute, reckless obsession. All those years of casual encounters with women were just a pale imitation of the violent, raw tr
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