Jokes Horror Novels & Stories

“ oh, my parents told me that story every Halloween to scare me off to bed so I won’t go trick or treating at all because unfortunately I was born when Harold Jankinsteins was still at large.” “ oh my god Hazel” “Nah it's fine, Halloween is pretty messed up by the way; I only celebrate for the fun of it plus it a big holiday here in Canada. Now what’s for dinner “ Before Hazel could look round the dining table at what my mom had prepared, I had to stop her in the process asking her one last question just to be sure she knew what she was talking about. “so your say that Harold Jankinsteins is real, that this story is true, that it actually happened?”

I did the research. On my whole lower arm, these are my favorite monsters in fiction: Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and course, a zombie. If you can see more closely it's a picture of me—zombified. Aww, thanks so much, Zeke. It just sounds funny when you say 'sexy zombie.'

Take her mind off the werewolf thing? But how? Oh! I could tell a joke! Take a page out of her book and shit like that. Yeah! Yeah, that might work! The only problem with that was--- “I don’t know any Dad-jokes,” I blurted, feeling almost as panicked as she was stunned – and suddenly wondered if I was breathing or not… Her eyes widened – if possible – even more before she let out a small hysterical laugh and sucked in just a small gasp of air.

“Let’s see how long your jokes last.” The short guy opened the container, revealing an assortment of horrifying tools… pliers, knives, and even a tiny saw. He picked up a scalpel and held it up to the dim light. “Sharp enough to carve turkey,” he said with a grin. “Great,” Nora said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Thanksgiving’s come early.” Even I couldn’t help but let out a shaky laugh. The boss, however, wasn’t amused. “Enough games,” he growled. “You have five seconds to start talking.”

He says, with a measured level of sociability, and there is still this undertone of professionalism. I gulp slowly but is quick to school my fear. “I'm not a scarycat!” I chuckle with warriness. “I watch horror movies without flinching. You can call me horror absorber.” He stares at my face, not moving a muscle on his face at my joke. Welp, another reminder that my jokes can be pretty lame sometimes. “Well,” One of his hands dives into his pockets as he straightens up his posture. “See you tomorrow, miss Rivers.” He adds before turning and moving towards the door.

I turn my face back to the TV, raising the duvet to my nose. I wasn’t scared of entering haunted mansions but horror movies were a big no-no for me. You know what I hate about horror movies is the characters, they always act dumb. Like who goes into a dark shed in the middle of f***ing nowhere at night asking if anyone is there? Like why would you do that? Of course, someone is going to be there and jump at you duh, that’s basic knowledge but I guess characters didn’t get the memo. I would never do something like that, ever. You can never even find me in the middle of nowhere at night.

His brother fell in love and finally became a comedian? Then Harold sent some jokes. Rhino saw the jokes and said to Calista, "Wanna hear a funny joke?" Calista was looking down and uttered,"Say." Rhino started to crack jokes. " A bear walks into a bar and says, 'Give me a whiskey and … cola.' The bartender looked at the bear and asked, 'Why is there a big pause between whiskey and cola?' The bear shrugged. 'I’m not sure; I was born with them.' " Calista smiled faintly. But her upsetness hadn't decreased even a little. Rhino was disappointed again. He told a few more jokes like this. But still Calista was not smiling. Rhino's rhythm was sweaty. It seemed to him that he was giving a big exam

Dima's ghostly form slid inside, its chill spreading like poison through the air. It crept toward the bed where Miranda was breathing deeply, fast asleep. But suddenly—with a sudden movement—Miranda sat upright. Her eyes widened in terror as a deafening scream erupted from her throat, a scream that shook the villa to its foundations, as if it had summoned the gates of hell. --- Inside Malik and Dima's room: Dima (with a cold smile): That damned maid... she screamed. She must have sensed the evil spirits lurking around her. Malik (with unsettling calm): Excellent... Uncle Hussein and Aunt Amal are awake now, trembling with fear.

" I stayed silent, but that did not deter them. They started ramming the door. I pressed my back against it, looking at my unconscious mother in the bedroom, and closed my eyes. A living hell on earth was worse than any horror game. When humans start killing each other, they were more terrifying than monsters. ... Meanwhile, a group of bosses gathered in the empty supermarket, staring at each other in confusion. "Uhm, where's Ms Thrushwood?" one of them asked. "She's always punctual. Even on restock days when the shop's closed, she tells us ahead of time," another commented.

He made me laugh, a genuine, bubbling sound that felt good after the fear. “Your turn,” he challenged, when he finished. “Tell me a joke. Something to keep the darkness at bay.” I thought for a moment. “Okay, okay… What do you call a fake noodle?” He raised an eyebrow, a slight smile playing on his lips. “What?” “An impasta!” I delivered the punchline with a flourish, and he actually laughed, a deep, booming sound that warmed the room. “Alright, alright, that was a good one, for a rookie,” he teased. “My turn. Why did the scarecrow win an award?”