Jokes Horror Novels & Stories

A childhood visual of the old witch from the library Hansel and Gretel book pops into my head and only increases the giggles I exude. “I hope not, I’m barely grown, and she might add me to tonight’s menu. I’m too big for an oven!” I point out between snorts of stupid laughter and Meadow caves and starts giggling too, lightening our whole mood. I guess the tension and the heavy weight of this journey has us strung out enough, that even a lame joke like this has enough power to break the strings and have us erupt. It’s needed, between us, this bonding over awful jokes.

“Think Frankenstein. They didn’t make them look human again. They outlawed the magic used, and it goes against our instincts. Do you understand what you’re up against? Therefore, I’m saying you aren’t prepared to go after these things. You won’t be able to get the weapons to destroy them without harming the surrounding environment. That’s our habitat. Where we live. We’re still recovering from our losses. How well do you think destroying the home of multiple groups and possibly killing some of them in your ignorance?” “Damn. It would be insane if something supernatural just walked in and told a story like that. I doubt anyone would believe that tale.” “Exactly why I said nothing about it ini

She told me that she saw it in the last episode of some horror show. I think she is watching lots of horror shows and when I asked her which horror show, her answer was ‘Courage the Cowardly Dog’ and this time it was very hard to hold my laughter so I bit my lower lip to suppress it. Excuse me, a correction, I think nowadays she is watching lots of horror cartoon shows.

I never realized how peaceful humans look when they are in the depths of deep slumber. Just by looking at one you would think all well within the world, and maybe it is but not in my world. As I watch Sky sleep I realize two things, one being that I have finally embraced the fact that I'm a nonhuman and the other is that for the first time in my life I am truly scared. For the last few days all I have been feeling this intense fear, gut wrenching fear that at any moment one of the demons after me would come and kill the love of my life. Hence why I have been watching him sleep and basically following him around for days now.

The lights came on back again, Jace’s hand held mine and his other hand—his other hand wasn’t on my waist then who— I turned my head slightly paled by the human look alike skeleton with green slime touching my waist. I screamed my lungs out. Jace turned around charging at the prop skeleton and hitting the shit out of it. “What the hell man?” the human skeleton spoke, Jace straddled him taking his mask off. A blonde kid gazed at us, blood oozing from his nose. “It’s just a joke”, he whined. Jace held another punch up. “No, Trigger. Don’t”

I exclaimed and chuckled. He was laughing too as he told his story. "I know! After I said that, he and our old men stared at me for a long time. Then Papa cursed me in Español and stormed out. But I know my joke was funny because I saw some of our old men holding in their laughs. Mama heard about it and lectured me about it. Anyway, it was one of my funniest jokes to date." Imagine being a kid and joking in front of your father after he just killed a person. And then imagine being so mad you had to kill in front of your child and he just jokes about your face. I guess craziness runs in their blood.

*** “Sam Higgins says this place is haunted. Says people see lights in the woods an hear screams at night, shit like that.” Scott paused just inside the basement and touched the rotten door-frame. “Sure. Whatever.” “Sam don’t lie. He’s okay.” Scott shrugged. “I guess, but I’m tellin ya . . . it ain’t haunted. Wise up, chief.” Jesse swung his empty plastic bag at Scott. “You wise up, fart-knocker . . . ” Scott dodged, slipped, and bumped against a table next to the door, knocking over a glass jar. It hit the floor and shattered.

When it came to horror movies, she would hold my hands and not scream, be the shoulders I lean on and then after the movie, will tease me for being too jumpy and a wimp. Oh my God! He's going to die! Hey, hey see! This guy is outstandingly stupid! Can't he see the gun right there! Oh, fuck! That punch was sweet! The zombie totally ate his brain. Fuck! Did you see the way his head was sawed off? That was when it was just two of us.

Sarah wasn't even sure what the word 'trio' meant, but she didn't want to seem dumb so she nodded slowly nonetheless. "Great! So how about I tell you some hilarious jokes about your mate over there?" He jerked his head in Damon's direction and finally took a glance over at him. But the hazel eyes that met his were totally different from the hazel eyes he had looked into not too long ago....these ones were deadly.

Dimi jokes. I realize that is kind of true. "No! No! No! I'm sore from those monsters. I can't do anymore for the next 48 hours please!" I jokingly scream as I am running out the back door. Nope! It's like their dicks got bigger than the previous one. I can't handle any more anacondas for a while. I hear footsteps running after me I run through the basement and head up the stairs. I run into Paxton's library and hide behind the chair. I hear their laughs from behind the door...