Jokes Horror Novels & Stories

“First of all, awesome, I’d love to know what’s in there. Second, this is the biggest floor asshole I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Is this an actual butt or is it one of those hella large worm caves I’ve seen in horror movies?” There’s silence for a longer while until the person starts laughing. “In all my centuries, I’ve never heard anyone address the void of souls as floor asshole. You got jokes, that much I can give you.” Grinning, I finally turn around and take a step to the side, careful not to be spartan kicked into the hole, in case I manage to annoy the guy or press the wrong buttons.

His booming voice filled the air with glee, As he entertained us, setting spirits free. "Let's say old time jokes, shall we?" Chants of 'yes' sounded around the room. "Did you hear about the vampire who opened a bakery? He got into a lot of trouble because his cakes were always too bloody." The room erupted with laughter, a joyful sound, As we all shared in the mirth that went around. Stephanie chimed in with a witty remark, Adding to the humor, making the atmosphere spark. "Alpha Darwin, have you heard the one about the talking dog?

"You have no idea–I was just joking around, but those disgusting guys went crazy asking me for your contact." The old me would have already been crying, asking her how she could do this to me, voice breaking. Not this me. My teeth clenched so hard they hurt. My whole body trembled with anger. I snatched the flyer out of her hand and slapped her across the face. Tara screamed, clutching her cheek in disbelief. "You hit me? I treat you like my best friend, and you can't even take a joke anymore?" Best friend? I let out a cold laugh.

“Personally, I give the decor here a zero out of ten. No room service, the linens are practically medieval, and the neighbors are incredibly quiet. Mostly because they’re dead, but hey, you can't have everything, right?” I blinked at her, completely stunned. “How are you doing that?” “Doing what? Bleeding? I think it’s a natural biological response to getting kicked in the face.” “No,” I whispered harshly, shaking my head. “Making jokes. How can you sit there, bound in iron chains in a subterranean graveyard, and crack jokes so comfortably?”

“I don’t.” “You make jokes about them all the time.” “What jokes?” “Come on. They run after mail carriers, are obsessed with squirrels. There was that night we met that wet dog that stank so bad—” “It was a joke. I had never even smelled a Were at the time!”

Ash gray streaks on his cheeks to make them look sunken in. “How’d you like that last one?” he asked, gesturing over his shoulder at the darkened screen. His voice was honey over broken glass. “Horror Hotel? I stayed there once. Nice place when I got there, but by the time I left, everyone was dying to get out!”

She yelled while storming to the couch to sit down “I am sorry babe, but that was a sight that I had to share” “He told me he was glad that I was eating. Apparently, they are struggling to catch anything since they stand out so much” “It should wear off in less than an hour” “Don’t bother me. I have pizza and junk food” She shrugged her shoulders and grabbed another slice of pizza “So what movie are we going to watch?” “Horror” I screamed “As the birthday girl wishes” Laughed Jill as she went and searched for movies in the horror category “Oooh look this one is about Werewolves and witches” She laughed

Wes said, placing his fingertip on the print, “we can do Scandinavian vampires, which is also showing again tomorrow. Or, we can do Canadian zombies. Looks like this is the only showing we can swing for zombies.” “I vote Canadian zombies. I’m curious to see if they actually eat anyone or if they are just too nice about it,” Adam offered. “Seconded,” Sidney said. “After that, we are definitely going to the one about the haunted sex toy shop,” Wes continued. Sidney opened her mouth to speak. “Silence,” Wes said, lifting his hand into the air. “We’re going. And that gets us to the late showing. We can do an homage to Giallo or a documentary on sleep paralysis. I won’t vote since I’m enforcing t

I fought back. “I have my reasons, so are you still coming? or perhaps you are scared of ghosts?” Reasons my ass, you want me to go to the horror house to reduce your arrears to me. After saying those rude words, I am sure he has a guilty conscience, so he pretended not to mean it. And he wanted to leave, but he used the horror house as an excuse for me not to tail him, thinking I was afraid of the ghost. The joke is on him. Does he really think I am terrified of a ghost?

"Oh, I think the spirits might enjoy some good humour for once." Rhea stood there waiting for me but took a step back when she saw Xavier and me. I was too engrossed with Xavier's humour to notice Rhea's reaction, but she followed quietly behind us. As we walked, Xavier leaned closer to my ear, lowering his voice. "Speaking of humour, I learned a new joke in the Northern realms. Want to hear it?" I nodded, the corners of my mouth twitching upwards in anticipation. "Go on then." Xavier's eyes gleamed with the thrill of the punchline he was about to deliver. "What do you call a werewolf with a fancy scarf?" he asked.