Romans & histoires Now I Drive Alone Past Your Street

“Please.” I stop in my tracks. I somehow know instinctively that 'please' isn't a word he uses often, if ever. It is the only thing that gets me to step off the sidewalk and move over to his car, climbing in the back seat. He sits the seat up and gets in, pulling away from the curb with a squeal of tires. When after a few minutes of silence goes by and he drives past the street my house is on, I look at Morana. “Umm.. he missed the street. I live back there.”

I climbed into the back and slammed the door before he could open his mouth. “Just drive,” I rasped. “The address is in the app.” He nodded and pulled away from the curb. I pressed my forehead to the cold glass and tried to breathe. But the sobs kept coming, wave after wave, until my chest felt bruised from the force of them. I didn’t care if the driver could hear. Let him. Let the whole world hear me breaking. By the time we turned onto the narrow street where my mother’s rented cottage sat, my throat was raw.

Thunder pounds in the sky, and the loud reverberation shakes me to my senses. Pushing myself off him, I side-eye him, wiping my hands on my shorts. He looks away first, pulling himself up out of the mud. I head to my side of the truck and climb in. That was close, way too close. Seconds later he slips in behind the wheel. The radio plays Jake Owen's latest hit "Alone With You."

If I didn't let her go, she would break and forget how to smile altogether. I drove further and further away from home, from people, from life in general. The further we traveled the more isolated the area became. The sidewalks were empty of people but the trash strewn across asphalt made up for it. Most of the lights did not work, the ones that did, flickered like some kind of warning signal.

, I blur it out and walk towards the door with Theodore following me close behind. The drive is silent, and I am left alone the entire time. Spider is in the front of the car with another man driving while Theodore sits next to me. He keeps his eyes trained on his phone as he types away, and I look out of the window. New York passes through the window, and I can’t stop thinking he died alone. I shake my head, clearing the tears that start rolling down my cheek with the back of my hand.

I cringed at the thought. Soon, the night pushed the day away, sending rays of purple and orange across the sky as I headed toward the city. Normally, it wouldn't bother me to be alone, but now the car felt extremely empty without Zac here with me. But as I turned down W. 178th Street headed toward Hudson Parkway, I quickly pushed the thought aside for the task at hand. I made a left on Canal Street and headed toward Broadway, making myself a vow that I was going to find this guy that was after Zac, and he was going to pay with his life.

---------- 1: Cathy. “Are you sure you put the right address in?” the driver asks as the car rolls to a stop in front of Heaven's Door. The parking lot is almost empty, but the building doesn't open for another few hours. By then the parking lot will be overflowing with cars. Especially on a Saturday night. “Yes,” I respond but make no move to get out of the car. How am I ever going to pull this off? I remind myself that I’m out of options and there’s no one else that’s going to take care of me. It’s scary to feel so alone in the world.

I turn the key and drive off. It's a surprise; I actually reached the site in one piece, no accident whatsoever. I pack the car at the same point where West and Luca's are packed and decide to stroll into the neighborhood. It looks different; there are no men hanging by the window or women showcasing their nudity for a mere penny; the road is still as horrible as I remembered. I skip through potholes, gluing my eyes to the ground rather than looking up; I don't have to look up to know this part of the street is empty.

I cross the driveway with my keys in my hand, the address glowing on my screen. I am going to fix this. The way I fix everything. By myself. I get in. I start the engine. And I drive into the dark.

The truth is calling me, and I can no longer ignore it. I turn off the engine and step out of the car. The street is silent, disturbed only by the distant hum of a city that never sleeps. The streetlights cast a pale, almost ghostly glow, enhancing the eerie atmosphere of this place, frozen in a past long gone. My footsteps echo against the pavement, each sound a reminder that I am alone in this search. No one is waiting for me. No one will come to save me.