Shitty Puns

What were the odds that I'd just fucked my boss and been too buzzed, too horny to clock it? Impossible. Catastrophic. My life was like a ticking bomb of fuckups already; this would only make it explode. "Get a grip, Shayle," I whispered, shaking my head hard. It can't be. -------------- What would you do if you found out you only had four months left to live? In the case of Shayle Vale, she was the definition of a plain Jane; quiet, overlooked, and freshly dumped by a boyfriend who called her ‘boring’. But when the doctor drops her death sentence, she decides ‘boring’ dies today. She made a list; Quit her job, Lose her virginity to her hot next-door neighbor, get a tattoo and Do what the fuck she wants. But life doesn’t play fair. Her shitty boss refused to accept her resignation, her neighbor was allegedly still a virgin, and nothing on her list was going according to plan. Now Shayle’s plain, safe little life is spiraling into messy office wars, late-night temptations, secrets she never saw coming and a toxic love triangle. Will she tick off her last wishes, or will fate throw her off the list completely and into the arms of two sinfully attractive men instead?

Sixteen years old Mercury Roderick who has been mute from childhood, can see things beyond the natural. She can perceive danger, and foresee death. But keeps this as a secret and try to do all her possible best to save whom she can, with her supernatural abilities. A twenty-one year old, college dropout with the name Aiden Wyatt, comes to live with his dad next to her house. He is depressed and stucked with borderline personality disorder. He hates everyone, mostly his dad. They wake up their neighbors with fights and quarrels every morning. But this isn't what unconsciously pulls Mercury towards Aiden. Inspite of his shitty attitude and rotten personality, there's this dark shadow she only can see, that revolves around him and makes him do terrible things to people. Something which makes him get thrown into jail one too many times. It whispers inaudible words to Mercury, and then disperse from Aiden whenever she sees it. Leaving Aiden completely calm and collected, like he isn't a troubled adult. Mercury figures she's Aiden's saving grace, and tries to stick around him. Which stirs up complications between them and their families. Worst, she finds herself falling for Aiden.

Retired Marine. Force Recon. When Callan 'Cannon' Asher retires from the Marines and joins the best security firm in Miami, the jobs seems too easy. Protecting civilians is all he knows, pulling the trigger on people who don't deserve it is all he knows. When he receives a job to protect the Mayor's daughter, all hell breaks loose because the raven haired girl isn't just a brat but unlike any woman he has ever seen before. When he sleeps with her and abandons her when she gets too clingy, he learns the hard way that love isn't like one of his covert missions in Afghan (simple and fast) but a shitty complicated game. He never wanted to settle for one woman. Yet she's the only woman in his mind. He never dreamt of having a family behind a white picket fence. Yet she gave him sons. Twins! Most of all he never expected to lust over a married woman because not only did Nicole Montenegro screw him over by hiding his sons from him but she also went ahead and got his children a man to call their dad. For him, this is by far the most deadliest mission he has ever been on. Code name: Cannon Mission: Get his woman and his sons.

Right after getting reborn, the first thing I do is start a livestream with the equipment I've brought to the main entrance of a bank. There, I humiliate myself on purpose just to attract the viewers' attention. Immediately, tens of thousands of viewers flock to my channel. After that, I take off my high heels on the spot and throw them at the armored truck that's carrying cash with all my might. "Get down! Don't move!" As I listen to the guards' stern warnings and watch as they aim their guns at me, I just spread my arms with a smile on my face. "This is a robbery! Hand over the money!" In my previous life, my business partner, Zachary Leed, and the finance director of my company, Yvette Sanders, had betrayed me. They used the perks that came with their jobs to receive illegal loans while using my company as a collateral asset. In the end, they fled with the cash, leaving me with the shitty aftermath to deal with. I was given a life sentence in jail in order to atone for the crimes Zachary and Yvette had pinned on me. My brother went all over the nation and spent all of his fortune just to seek justice for me, but he ended up dying from depression. When I open my eyes again, I yell loudly to the viewers watching my livestream at the moment. "Everyone, you shall witness the most historic moment ever! Come with me as I rob a bank right in front of your eyes on this livestream!"

Stefan raises a skeptical brow."And why would I do that?" His voice was low, like a warning, and it made her shiver even though she tried not to show it. "We both have one thing in common," Mia continues, her gaze unwavering."Shitty fathers. A pointed pause hangs in the air."The only difference between us is that you are an illegitimate child, and I am not". Stefan studies her, the heiress in her designer armor, the fire in her eyes that matches the burn of his own rage. "That's your solution? A wedding band as a weapon?" He said ignoring the part where she just referred to him as an illegitimate child. "The only weapon they will not see coming". She steps closer, close enough for him to catch the scent of her perfume, gunpowder and jasmine."Our fathers stole our birthrights. Then, Stefan's mouth curves into something sharp. "One condition," he murmurs, closing the distance."No divorces. If we are doing this, it's for life" "Deal" Mia said without missing a beat. She would not give him the pleasure, she would destroy her life as she seems fit ................. Mia Meyers was born to rule her father's empire , until he named his bastard son heir instead. Can these two rivals, united by their vengeful hearts, pull off a marriage of convenience to reclaim what they believe is rightfully theirs?

Mercedes Underwood is a lost girl. Lost from her world and herself. She grew up with abusive parents and had a really shitty childhood. Sometimes she believed that they were not her parents much less rassemblements between her and them. When she turned 18 years old, her parents attempt to sell her off to some bad people to pay off their debt. That did not come as a surprise that they would do such a thing and there was no love lost there. But what came as a surprise was when she woke up naked the next morning, walls splattered with blood and four people ripped to shreds. Life went from bad to bloody worse for Mercedes. It was like waking up in a horror scene. She was petrified and confused, nothing made sense but what did make sense was for her to pick up what she can and run. Felix Ransom is the Alpha of the White Claw pack. He leads his pack with an iron fist and ensures everyone's safety and makes sure the pack thrives. But something is missing. The gentle touch of a Luna. Felix is already 25 years old and has not found the one the Moon Goddess chose for him. His other half and mate. Each day without the one for him made his hope of ever finding her wither away. At a point, he even thought that she might have died. It never occurred to him that his made would come right to him much less be a human who is a fugitive for murdering 4 people. Or was she a human being after all?

Faith McChrystal My mom taught me one important thing "Never trust anyone because they all leave when they're are done sucking you dry" And yes, that's how I ended up being a 24 year old single woman with no boyfriend, no girlfriend, no bestfriend but a shitty job and apartment. Life was normal until I found the job at C&S Clothing as the executive assistant. It's not a problem to work for a gay couple right? The problem is when the two sinister hot-as-hell bosses are the epitome of every fantasy you've had. Jared Scott and Hardin Calu were going to take me to an early grave. Hardin Calu I HATE WOMEN. I hate every fucking thing about them. That's why I was married to one and only man I had in my life. Jared! He was everything one could pray for. He saved me from my old self and turned me to a loving person. But fuck me, I was still cold and hard as ice. Everything that involved women made my skin crawl painfully. Their rosy scents and gloss-smeared lips, their tied skirts and slutty suits, fucking everything about them was a reminder of what happened. What made me scared. Until the little Faith McChrystal walked into that office. Jared Scott. Money! Power! A good marriage! I had it all. Life was beautiful with my man. Hardin Calu! He was a loving husband who'd wake me up with breakfast, and a kiss on my head, who'd kiss every pain away. Who made me see the world differently. I was complete with him. Or so I thought! Because a fucking nerdy chick walked into our office for interview and turned everything upside down!

"Shut down for rectification, fined $500,000, plus $300 compensation per customer. That’s the penalty from the Food Safety Bureau. Let’s see if you dare serve us gutter oil again!” Yves Larson, a part-timer at a construction site, sends me a provocative text purposefully, as though he's worried that I don't know what's going on. I just stare at the sign that says "closed for renovation", which is hung on the front door of my eatery. Never would I expect that the budget eatery that I've opened for the sake of the workers will be transformed into a blade that's aimed at me, thanks to the very same workers. That night, I sit in the apartment that my dad has left to me before his death. There, I spend the whole night smoking. Early the next morning, I head over to the bank and withdraw the money left behind by my dad, which is 260 million dollars. Half a month later, my eatery is open for business again. Work resumes at the construction site as well. Yves leads the construction workers to the restaurant at lunch. "I've taught him a good lesson last time. This time, I'm very sure that he won't have the guts to serve us cheap food made of shitty ingredients!" What he doesn't know is that the original eatery is already demolished. In its place stands a luxurious five-star restaurant. I stand in front of the main entrance as I perform a welcoming gesture to the workers. "This is a five-star restaurant that offers a private dining experience to you. The minimum bill for each table is 4000 dollars. You're welcome to dine here."

When Jayden Stolt, the Alpha King, is done inspecting the Greyridge pack, he leaves right away. After that, he commands his guards to deliver the Luna Crown and a wedding dress over to the pack. The guard claims that the Alpha King has smelled the scent belonging to his fated mate, and asks us to offer the she-wolf who's meant to become his mate. In the first time loop, Father has delivered Jenna Thornton, my exquisite and gorgeous older sister, to the Alpha King. When Jayden sniffs her scent, he crushes her skull instantly. "You're completely covered in shitty perfume, yet you think you get to become the Luna?" In the second time loop, Father chooses to deliver Malia Thornton, my younger stepsister, who's been foretold to be able to give birth to the strongest pups. Jayden wastes no time in slashing her guts out. "The scent isn't right!" In the third time loop, Father, who has no choice left, can only convince my stepmother, Vanessa Plink, to doll up and meet the Alpha King. Jayden instantly rips Vanessa to shreds. In the time loops after that, the female warriors, the female Omegas, and even the mute she-wolf who's in charge of caring for the horses are delivered to the Alpha King one by one. All of them end up getting slain by Jayden. In the 100th time loop, there aren't any adult she-wolves left in the pack. Only then does Father remember me, a she-wolf without a wolf spirit. "You're the only one left… This must be the correct she-wolf!" Relieved, Father delivers me to the Alpha King. But when Jayden sees me, rage instantly fills his gaze. He crushes all of my bones in my body before throwing my corpse into the woods for the beasts to feed on. "You'd rather die than give my fated mate to me?" In the final timeloop, when the Alpha King's guard shows up with the Luna Crown and the wedding dress once again, Father finally breaks down. He swears to the guard that there aren't any suitable she-wolves remaining in the pack anymore. But the guard just stares Father in the eye. "The Alpha King has already made it clear that his fated mate definitely resides within the Greyridge pack."