EX WITH BENEFITS (TAGALOG)

"Girl, looks like someone's trying to get your attention," Napahinto ako sa pag-inom nang may ituro si Zandra sa likuran ko.

Paglingon ko'y nakita ko ang isang lalaki na titig na titig sa akin. He even has the audacity to wink at me. Hindi man lang nagiwas ng tingin! He's handsome but not my type. Alak lang naman ang ipinunta ko sa bar na ito at hindi makipaglandian sa kung sinong hindi ko naman kilala. Napailing ako at binalik ang attention sa pag-inom. Wala akong pakialam sa kahit na sinong lalaki ang magkaroon ng interest sa akin.

"God! Kailan ka ba mamamansin ng admirers mo girl, ilang taon ka na single ka pa rin?" She sounds concerned when, in fact, she's just teasing me.

"I can live without them."

"Ow? Baka naman kasi hanggang ngayon, may pagtingin ka pa rin sa ex mong 6 years ng taken?" malakas kong naibagsak ang shot glass na hawak saka matalim ni tiningnan si Zandra.

"Kahit kailan talaga napakagaling mong manira ng mood ko!" I hissed, completely losing my appetite to drink again.

"Kasi ayaw mong maging honest, hayst." pinaypayan niya ang sarili at napainom na lang sa shot glass niya. I shook my head and bit my lower lip couple of times while staring the the floor.

"Mild, why don't you try to contact him?" I laughed sarcastically lifting my stares on the dance floor.

"Really Zandra? After six-fucking-years?" Napairap ako sa hangin bago siya nilingon, staring at her with a smug on my face.

"What do you want me to say to him? Hi babe! Long time no see? Let's go back together...is that what you want me to say?" napailingiling ako at humalukipkip.

College years pa 'yon, we're college when we had a relationship. I'm already twenty-six! Anim na taon na kaming wala. Akala ko nga ay wala na siyang balak bumalik, but I heard he's back.

"At least seek for closure?" My body becomes rigid. Bumigat ang dibdib ko at marahang umiling.

"Cut it off, uwi na ako."

"Ano?! Hindi pa nga tayo nakakahanap ng lalaki e! Woy!" Hinabol niya ako pero hindi ko na siya pinansin at derederetso na akong tumungo sa parking lot.

"Mild! C'mon!" she screamed under her throat, but I just started the engine of my car and drove off.

Habang nasa kalagitnaan ng biyahe ay humigpit ang hawak ko sa manibela, remembering the old days. His laugh. His smile. His kisses and touches are I won't deny that I missed all of that. He's my first love, after all. But shits happened and everything's fucked up. Hindi naging maganda ang paghihiwalay namin at alam kong nasaktan ko siya, pero mas nasaktan ako.

Sa pag-alala sa nakaraan ay hindi ko napansing may nagbabadya na pa lang luha sa mga mata ko, I blinked thrice to hold back. Agad naman itong nawala at mas dumiin ang tingin ko sa unahan.

Fuck! Why do I have to remember him?!

He already has a girlfriend. Six years na sila, tinalo ang tatlong taong naging kami.

Pagkarating sa bahay ay pinagbuksan ako ng guard namin. Pagkapasok ko ng kotse ay derederetso ako sa loob ngunit kaagad nahinto ng madatnan ko si dad na nakaabang pala sa akin.

"It's already midnight, Mildred."

"I know, dad." My head throbbed. Gusto ko nang matulog.

"You're already twenty-six, kailan ka ba titino? You were supposed to work for my company to prepare to take over my position, but you refused! Para saan? Maglustay ng pera? Mangolekta ng mga mamahaling sasakyan, bags, shoes at mga damit? Mag-bar gabi-gabi! Pumunta sa iba't ibang bansa?! Wala ka na bang ibang maisip na gawin? Don't you have a dream for your life?! Your future?!"

"Dad, kahit naman anong gawin ko hindi mauubos ang pera mo. Para saan ba mga 'yan? 'Di ba para rin sa akin? I can do whatever I want with your money. And don't worry, I can manage our company. Kahit naman hindi ka magtrabaho, kikita pa rin ang kompanya mo. And yes, I do have a dream, of course...pero mababaw lang kasi lahat naman nakukuha ko e."

Napahilot siya sa sintido tila hindi nagustuhan ang sagot ko. I shrugged my shoulder and was about to go upstairs when he started talking about something I didn't expect to hear from him.

"I don't want to do this to you, but you're being too much. Siguro ay kung magkakaroon ka na ng asawa titino ka na at matututo..."

"What do you mean?" my brows shot up. Kahit namumungay ang mga mata at kating-kati nang tumungo sa kwarto ay pinilit kong manatili to hear what he said.

"Tomorrow, the son of my friend will come here. Mamanhikan sila at pag-uusapan na rin ang engagement party niyo ng anak nila. You're not going to leave this house because you will prepare yourself and wait for them." Pakiramdam ko hindi agad iyon naproseso ng isip ko.

W-What?! Ang ibig sabihin...I am going to marry someone?! O c'mon! Uso pa ba ang arrange marriage ngayon?! Holy fuck?!

"Dad, I don't need that. I can't marry someone I don't know." I growled. Mabilis ko siyang tinalikuran at tumungo na sa kwarto ko bago padabog na sinara ang pinto.

Lasing lang ako at mali ako ng narinig.

Relax Mild, hindi ka pa magpapakasal.

I chose to sleep, na hindi naman naging mahirap sa akin. Kinabukasan ay nagising ako ng mag a-alas diyes na ng umaga. I groaned and squeeze my eyes before getting up from my bed. That's when I realized I slept naked. Pinagmasdan ko ang sarili sa full length mirror bago humugot ng malalim na hininga at kinuha ang night robe ko na nakasampay sa couch bago 'yon sinuot.

I love sleeping naked, nakasanayan ko na 'yon at palagi rin akong nag l-lock ng pinto. Walang sinuman ang allowed na pumasok sa kwarto ko or I will scold them. After fixing myself, I chose to go down so I could get myself a breakfast...pero kumunot ang noo ko ng makitang, nagkakagulo ang mga kasambahay namin.

"Ate Chess, what's happening?"

"Ma'am naghahanda po kami para sa dinner mamaya."

"Huh? Dinner? Why? Uuwi ba sila Granny?" t'wing uuwi lang kasi sila Granny nagkakaganito sa bahay. Usually dad and mom are busy. Ako lang ang kumakain dito, minsan ay sa hotel na lang namin sila nag i-stay, since mayroon sila roong room na para sa kanila lang talaga.

"Darating daw po ang mapapangasawa niyo, young lady. Ipinaguutos po ng dad niyo na maghanda para mamaya."

Mapapangasawa?

Kumirot ang ulo ko kaya nasapo ko iyon bago napahilamos sa mukha. I remembered what my dad told me last night. So that was real?! Akala ko panaginip lang, shit!

Ayoko magpakasal! Hindi ako magpapakasal! No fucking way!

I stepped back, planning to run away, but dad's figure upstairs stopped me.

"You're not planning to escape, are you?"

"I am just going to meet Zandra," Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay bago naglakad pababa.

"You're not going to leave, darating ang pamilya ng mapapangasawa ko." My chest tightened as my fist clenched.

"I don't want to get married!" I screamed, completely losing my patience.

"You have no right to talk about marriage, Mild. I gave you chances to fix your life, but you wasted the chances I gave you. Now it's my turn to discipline you."

"By pushing me to marry someone?! Really?"

"Fix yourself, mamayang gabi darating sila."

"Hindi ako magpapakasal!"

"Then say goodbye to your cards, bags, shoes, and cars, Mild... I will sell them all."

"No way! You can't do this to me, dad!" Nagpupuyos sa galit na sigaw ko pero malamig lang niya akong tiningnan.

"I can, sa akin nanggaling ang mga perang ginastos mo para sa mga 'yan Mild. Now choose, get married and continue living your fancy life? Or say goodbye to your whims."

Wala akong naisagot ng tuluyan siyang tumungo sa dine hall. My breathing becomes heavy. I was so upset but have no power to do anything about this! God, I feel like losing my sanity. This can't be happening!

Galit akong tumungo sa kwarto at nagkulong. Kinausap ko si Zandra pero wala rin siyang maibigay na magandang advice sa akin. Damn it!

I didn't eat lunch. Mas pinili kong itulog na lang ang inis hanggang sa nagising ako sa sunod-sunod na katok. I groaned before attending to it, and I saw one of our maids standing in front of my door.

"What is it?" She bowed to me with her hands in front of her.

"Young lady, pinapasabi po ng daddy niyo na mag-ayos na raw po kayo at padating na ang mga bisita." I rolled my eyes and closed my door. Marahas akong bumuntong hininga at halos mapasigaw sa inis!

Bullshit! I can't do this!

Kumirot ang dibdib ko ng may imaheng pumasok sa isip ko. I shut my eyes firmly. No...hindi ko siya dapat maisip sa mga oras na ito. I have my own problem to fix, and thinking about him won't do any good.

Para akong lantang gulat na nag-ayos pero mas inisip kong asarin ang mga bisita lalo na si dad. I wear my very revealing mini dress. Like I was going to the bar. Kita ang dibdib ko at likod at mayroon din sa bewang ko.

Pagkatapos kong maglagay ng makapal na make up ay bumaba ako. Napatingin sa akin ang ilang maids namin na yumuyuko sa t'wing madadaanan ko sila.

"Young lady, andiyan na po ang mga bisita...ikaw na lang po ang hinihintay." ngumisi ako at nilagpasan na siya.

We'll see.

I step inside the dining hall and all eyes pierce me. Napaawang ang mga labi nila pero wala na akong pakialam. Dad glared at me, but I didn't give a damn about it.

"Good evening, everyone!" I greeted. Tumikhim si Dad at nahihiyang tumingin sa parents ng mapalangasawa ko, while the guy wasn't even looking at me.

"Napakagandang dalaga naman talaga ng anak mo kumpadre."

"Thank you, kumpadre, manang mana 'yan sa mommy niya."

"Oh speaking of, where's Milianna?"

"Well, she's outside the country, she can't make it tonight."

"I see. How are you, hija?" baling nito sa akin pero peke lang akong ngumiti.

"Fine," Tumango naman ito at binaling ang tingin kay dad para mag-usap tungkol sa negosyo habang ako naman ay napatingin sa mapapangasawa ko.

Gwapo, pero mukhang antipatiko.

"Son, why don't you introduce yourself to your fiancé?" The guy looked at me boredly.

"Leon, and you're not my type." Everyone fell silent after Leon said that. Kahit ako ay nagulat pero sa likod ng isip ko'y natuwa ako.

Leon walked out, and I chose to run after him.

"Hey wait!" naabutan ko siya sa may living room and he stopped. Kaagad ko siyang hinarang at humalukipkip.

"I like what you did."

"I didn't do that for you."

"Yeah, I know, but I want you to know that the feeling is mutual. I'm Mild by the way."

"Okay," He was about to leave when I stopped him again.

"Help me to stop this marriage." Kumunot ang noo niya.

"Do it yourself."

"Hindi ba ayaw mo naman?"

"Yeah, but my dad blackmailed me. I have no choice."

"Likewise! But we can do something. Para...para hindi na nila ituloy." tinaasan niya ako ng kilay pero hinila ko na lang siya palabas at pinasakay sa kotse. I let him drive us away and we stopped in the middle of nowhere.

"So what's the plan?"

"Make someone pregnant."

"What?! Are you crazy?!"

"Well, that's the only way!"

"Hell no! I still love my freedom, I don't want to have a child yet."

"Pero 'yon na lang kasi ang pinakamabisang paraan. To tell them you have a girlfriend already won't make them stop, sasabihin pa nila na makipaghiwalay ka, so make someone pregnant."

"No way! Why don't you get yourself pregnant? Tutal idea mo 'yan?" namutla ako sa sinabi niya and he sarcastically chuckle.

"I will send you back." He was about to drive back when I stopped him. Nagpadala ako sa malapit na bar at kaagad naman siyang umalis, ni hindi man lang nag volunteer na samahan ako. Tsk!

I am so fucked up!

Should I really get someone to impregnate me?! Crazy!

I tried to drown myself until I saw a guy who was trying to seduce me. I just shook my head and looked away as he licked his lips before taking his shot.

Damn! I can't see myself having sex with someone I don't know.

Tumayo na ako at lumabas ng bar, as the night wind envelops me.

I should do something.

I can't be married.

I don't know what came into my mind... but I found myself on someone's front door. Yakap ang sarili na pinapadyak ko paminsan minsan angnisang paa, mahina lang iyon. Habang hinihintay na bumukas ang pintong ilang beses na akong kumatok.

Mayamaya lang ay naramdaman ko na ang pagbukas noon at bumulaga sa akin ang lalaking matagal kong hindi nakita ng personal at nakausap.

My lips part. Walang salitang mailabas sa mga labi ko. I don't know what to say... napatitig ako sa mga mata niya and I almost fell of the floor when my knees trembled.

"Chrome."

"Mild..."

What should I say next?

"Why are you here? At this hour?" malamig pa sa yelo ang boses n'ya. Sa mga oras na 'yon, parang gusto ko na lang umatras... but no! Kung mayroon man akong gugustuhin na samahan at mapangasawa, siya na lang. Siya lang.

"Anakan mo ako, Chrome."