My heart ของรักวิศวะร้าย

- Josephine -

I’m so uncomfortable.

My corset is far too tight, my hair is painfully pinned up, and the lace of my dress is scratching the top of my breasts. I can’t even put my hands in my lap without the beading on my skirt clawing at my skin.

The smell of wildflowers and cow dung is filling the air, and the rough jostling of the carriage is making me nauseous.

I couldn’t believe this was happening.

Four months ago my father had passed away, leaving me alone and at the mercy of the courts. As an unmarried 19 year old I was to be sent to Lord Leven’s estate to become his ward until he could successfully marry me off.

I knew this was happening, so why now, on the way to my new life am I so scared?

I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Just breathe my lady.”

I opened my eyes and looked at my maid Aria. She had been with me for years, and felt like the only family I had left.

I smiled, drawing a deep breath. She smiled back at me, pleased I was following her instructions.

“How much longer Aria?”

She frowned and gently shook her head.

“I’m not sure my lady. Do you need to stop?”

I couldn’t bear it any longer. I nodded frantically while clutching my chest. Aria reacted immediately, banging her hand on the roof of the carriage.

“Woah! Woah there!”

The hoses slowed and the carriage came to a gentle stop.

I didn’t wait for the door to be opened for me. I scrambled to my feet, flung the door open, and yanked myself and my ridiculous dress out of the carriage, causing Aria and the driver to gasp loudly.

“My lady!” She called after me.

I didn’t care, I ran to the grass and leaned over coughing violently.

I so badly wanted to vomit, but nothing came. I suddenly felt a gentle hand on my back. Aria was now standing next to me, handing me a handkerchief.

She gently whispered, “Josephine, are you alright?”

I straightened up and took her offering, dabbing the fabric on my mouth.

“No.” I replied, unable to hide my panic. “I don’t want to go, I don’t want to be there. Why do I have to marry? Father never forced me to. If I were 21 the estate would be mine, and I’d be free to do what I want to.”

Aria sighed and looked out into the field. The reason why I loved her, why our friendship was so strong, was we were able to be completely honest with each other. I could tell her anything freely, without fear of betrayal, and in return she spoke to me in a way that no other lady’s maid would dare.

She took a deep breath, turned, and looked at me sternly.

“And do what?”

“What do you mean?” I replied.

“Say you were 21, you’d have your estate, your title, and a modest fortune. What would you do then?”

I paused, I hadn’t really considered it.

“I would travel, I want to admire the art and architecture of the world. I would be free to do as I pleased.”

“….and you can’t do that as a married woman?”

I scoffed at her suggestion.

“No, you know what men are like. I would be confined to the house, with nothing to do but needle point and produce offspring.”

“You don’t know what kind of man your husband will be.” She sighed. “Besides, you can’t spend your life painting and dancing, rolling around in the hay with the stable boy when you get bored.”

I looked at her stunned. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. Aria took my hand, rubbing it gently with her thumb.

“Come on, we have to go. No matter what happens, I will be with you every step of the way.”

We shared a smile, and I reluctantly walked towards the carriage. Before I entered I turned to face her.

“What if he beats me?”

Aria chuckled and brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

“Then God help him! I don’t know who would kill him first, you or me.”