59. VANYA

He is defenceless.

I could easily hurt him. To be honest, I had considered it, but then Devrim’s words flashed through my mind and pulled me out of my disturbing thoughts.

Devrim had been right.

But it didn’t make me fear Obsidian less.

I sat in the chair a few feet from the bed, staring at the door as I waited for Devrim to return. Every passing second that he was away made my mind race with things that could go wrong.

Darkness was creeping in on me, and I had no idea how to handle it.

A whimper from the bed made my eyes snap over to it.

Obsidian was on his stomach, clutching the pillow beneath his head as his big body trembled. The whimpers changed into growls that made my skin break out in goosebumps.

The room suddenly fell silent again, but it didn’t last long.

Rolling onto his back, Obsidian clutched at the sheets as his whimpers started up again. It got louder and louder.

Tears filled my eyes.

It sounded like he was in pain. What am I supposed to do? 

My eyes darted over to the door as I stood, but my feet carried me over to the bed instead.

I hovered next to it and stared down at him. Still a bit hesitant, I grabbed the cloth from the floor where it had fallen when he rolled over and hurried into the bathroom. As I went through the motions of wetting and rinsing it, I forced my mind away from the fear and focused on what I could do.

When I entered the bedroom again, Obsidian had fallen silent. If it wasn’t for the erratic rise and fall of his chest, I might have thought that he had fallen into a peaceful sleep again.

With a shaky hand, I pressed the cold cloth to his forehead and slowly slipped it down to his cheek. I repeated the action on the other side of his face and hesitated before I moved down to wipe the sweat from his neck.

My finger accidentally brushed his skin, causing a whimper to fall from his lips.

“I-I’m sorry,” I instantly apologized.

I quickly rearranged the fold of the cloth before I moved my hand lower to wipe the sweat from his abdomen.

A scream fell from my lips when Obsidian’s hand suddenly shot out and grabbed my wrist.

I had no time to react, because in the next second, I found myself on my back with his body pressing mine into the mattress.

Warm breath fanned my skin.

All I could see was Obsidian’s partly shifted form as he lunged at me.

The wounds I was still recovering from throbbed painfully.

Lips brushed my skin, making me tense. I could feel his teeth sinking into my skin again. I could feel the pain of his claws digging into my skin.

The sound of my name being called reached my ears a few seconds before I passed out.

***

The darkness slowly faded, leaving me disoriented for a few minutes before everything came rushing back.

I held my breath as I took inventory of my body. Apart from the usual aches and pains I had been dealing with since the kidnapping, nothing else hurt.

Hands rested on my lower back, keeping me in place. Breath stirred the strands of hair on the top of my head.

I slowly opened my eyes and blinked at the arm a few inches from my face. Dark tattoos filled my vision, making me perfectly aware of whom exactly I was laying on top of.

“I’m sorry,” Obsidian rasped. “I’m sorry that I attacked you. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop him from taking you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop him from hurting you.”

I squeezed my eyes closed as tears welled up.

“I’m sorry that I thought you were like Lindsey. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you since you arrived here.” His voice cracked. “I’m sorry that I’m not the man you deserve.”

A tear slipped from the corner of my eye and dropped to his chest. Obsidian sucked in a sharp breath and hugged me tighter to his chest.

“I’m sorry that… that I won’t ever be able to set you free and allow you to live the life you want.” His hand slid up my back to rest against my neck. “You’re my obsession, Vanya, and I will never be able to let you go, even if it makes you hate me.”  

I tried to stop the sob from escaping, but it slipped past my lips before I could.

Obsidian pulled my body closer and buried his face into the crook of my neck. When he pressed his lips to my shoulder, where he had bitten me, I only cried harder.

“Don’t leave me, sweets.”

***

Muffled curses pulled me from my sleep.

I sat up and rubbed at my puffy eyes before I realized where I was. My head snapped to the side, but the spot next to me was empty. Panic hit me, but I quickly pushed it aside.

Slipping off the bed, I made my way towards the bathroom where the curses were coming from. My steps faltered when I spotted Obsidian.

He stood at the basin, clutching the marble tightly in a white knuckled grip. Obsidian slowly straightened and hesitated a moment before he took a step away. Another small step had him swaying. On the third step, he stumbled, making me rush forward with a gasp to steady him.

“W-what are you doing?” I questioned as I clutched his hips to keep him steady.

“Where’s Dev?” Obsidian growled.

“He went to the main house to pick up some food.” I frowned at his chest, unable to look him in the eyes. “What are you doing?”

“I need to use the toilet, but my head keeps fucking spinning.”

My eyes darted up to his face. He had his eyes squeezed closed. Sighing, I glanced over at the toilet that was only a few steps to my left.

“Can’t you hold it?”

A low grunt was my answer. I was hoping that Devrim would barge into the bathroom to take over, but there was no sign of him returning any time soon. I didn’t know if the brothers had left or not; otherwise, I would’ve called one of them to help, but I had a feeling that it would only make Obsidian angry.

“Keep your eyes closed,” I told him softly as I hesitantly slipped an arm around his waist. “Try not to pass out. You’re too heavy for me to drag back to the bed.”

Obsidian’s arm slipped over my shoulder without a word. We made a slow shuffle over to the toilet where I pulled away from him to lean down and lift the lids.

“Okay,” I muttered as I straightened.

Obsidian cleared his throat. “Y-you’re going to have to help me, sweets.”  

Colour flooded my cheeks. This had to be the weirdest thing anybody has ever asked me to do.

Devrim better be on his way back!

***

I never imagined myself helping a man like Obsidian in the bathroom. Not only did I have to help him use the toilet, but I also had to help him shower, without the touching of course, and then I had to help him dress too.

It was awkward as hell.

Obsidian had insisted on showering and made it clear that he was going to do it with or without my help, but halfway through his shower, whatever strength he had had deserted him. He could barely stand on his own.

The track back to the bed was made at a snail’s pace, because we had to stop every few seconds. We were only a few steps away from the bed when his legs gave way beneath him.

Instead of trying to get up again, Obsidian had moved to lean back against the bed.

I stared down at him until my eyes locked on his dripping hair. Grabbing a dry towel from the bathroom and a hairbrush, I took a seat on the bed behind him and moved my legs to rest on either side of his broad shoulders.

His body jerked when I started rubbing his hair dry.

“You said that you didn’t want me as your mate,” I whispered, knowing that he could hear me.

“I lied.”

I licked my lips as I carefully considered my next question. “W-who’s Lindsey?”

Obsidian was silent for so long that I thought he had passed out, but he sighed and shifted slightly before he answered my question. “She was someone I thought I wanted as my mate,” he muttered. “We… grew up together.”

My mind trailed back to the photo I had found of the woman with the ugly green eyes and brown hair.

“What happened to her?”

“I killed her.”

My hands froze. Swallowing, I shook away the images flashing through my mind and focused on what he was saying.

“A few years after I was… birthed, they gave me to Lindsey’s mother because I was defective to them.” He paused for a few minutes. “Lindsey was her daughter. We became friends, but things changed as we got older.”

I exchanged the towel for the hairbrush. “Why did you k-kill her?”

Obsidian didn’t answer my question, and I didn’t push him. I wanted to know why he still had a photo of her. I wanted to know if he still loved her, despite the things she did to him.

Obsidian’s low purrs broke the silence that hung between us.

Once his hair was tangle free, I placed the brush aside and started running my fingers through the wet strands.

“It’s to remind me that humans cannot be trusted,” he whispered. “Her photo,” he clarified after a second.

He sat up and grunted as he struggled to turn around. “I know that you wouldn’t hurt us.”

My eyes darted over his face. “But you still don’t trust me.”

His eyes dropped which was answer enough.

We could go forward from here. We could pretend that what happened never happened, but our relationship wasn’t going to work if there was no trust. It wouldn’t last if it was built only on lust and one-sided love.

I was certain that Obsidian didn’t love me, but the question was whether he would ever grow to love me like I loved him, or if he would always be second-guessing me.

“I never meant to hurt you so badly, Vanya,” he rasped. “I knew that he wanted me to attack you; I thought that if I did what he wanted, then I could get you out.”

“We got out,” I whispered.

“And you almost died.” Obsidian pressed his face to my stomach. “I would rather kill myself than hurt you.”

“Please, don’t say that.”

He raised his head and stared up at me. “It’s the truth.”

I reached up to touch him, but his flinch made me drop my hand.

Obsidian lowered his head and surprised me by grabbing my hand and pressing it to his cheek. His fingers curled around mine to hold my hand in place. A sigh fell from his lips a second later.

“Forgive me, sweets.”

I pursed my lips as he repeated the words a few more times.

Pulling my hand from his, I frowned down at him. “Things can’t just go back the way they were, Obsidian. Too much has changed for that to happen.”

He swallowed. “You can’t leave. I won’t survive if you leave me.”