Se connecter十五歳まで、私は路傍の雑草のように生きていた。 白石朔也(しらいし さくや)と夏川奈々(なつかわ なな)に出会うまでは。 私が初めて食べた生姜焼きは、奈々が作ってくれたものだった。 初めて着たワンピースは、奈々が買ってくれたものだった。 彼女は繰り返し私に言ってくれた。私が一番の親友なのだと。 そして、白石朔也。 彼は、下卑た笑い声をあげる不良グループから私を救い出してくれた。 四十度の高熱を出した私を、必死の形相で病院へ運んでくれた。 酔った義父がまた私に手を上げようとした時、その頭を拳で殴り飛ばしてくれた。 後に彼は私に告白した。その瞳は愛おしさで満ちていた。 私の灰色の人生は、彼らのおかげでようやく鮮やかな色を取り戻したのだ。 二十三歳の誕生日、あの日までは。 私は聞いてしまった。朔也が奈々に向かって感情的に叫ぶ声を。 「この気持ちはどうしようもないんだ!俺がお前を好きになってしまった、それがどうした!お前だって同じ気持ちだろう?」 美しい奈々は、苦渋に満ちて赤くなった男の目を見て、ついに泣きながら彼の胸に飛び込んだ。 「でも……詩織はどうするの?」 私は物陰に隠れ、苦い笑みを浮かべた。 どうするもこうするもない。 二人とも、私が最も愛する人たちだ。 あなたたちを困らせるなんて、私にはできない。 指導教官に電話をかけ、私は静かに言った。 「あの、二十年間の南極科学探査プロジェクトですが、申請してもよろしいでしょうか?」
Voir plusKatrina woke up to the sound of her alarm, opening her eyes she yawned and rubbed her eyes with her hand. Sluggishly getting up from her bed she went to her bathroom brushed her teeth and washed her face.
Then she came back and sat on her reading table. She opened her laptop to check and be sure she had everything prepared for the new week.
Katrina work as a Secretary for Lucas Evans.
"Lucas"
she called she was used to calling out his name at odd times when she is alone.
Her boss and the man she fell for. the one she has been in love with for almost five years now. She didn't know how the feelings started somehow between working together and going on business trips together she had somehow come to love her boss a man way out of her reach.
Initially, when she had started working for Lucas she had disliked him because he was arrogant and a big-time womanizer but between six years ago and now she had managed to get used to his arrogant and bossy nature. He wasn't a nice guy but he wasn't all that unbearable either.
And he cared for his family maybe that's why she fell for him.
"Okay, enough Katrina it's too early to start thinking of the boss" she scolded herself.
She closed her laptop after making sure everything she needed for the week was intact. All the schedules and meetings were properly documented.
She knew her boss was someone who hated been disorganized and unprepared for appearances.
After making sure she was good to go she checked her time it was 6;15 am do she went to her bathroom and took her bath. She usually resumes work by 8;30 am but she prefers to be there on time.
It's had taken her about 30minutes to bathe and dress up after which she hurriedly took a breakfast of scrambled eggs and bread. When she was ready finally it's was just a few minutes to 7;30.
She took her bag, her laptop, and other stuff she uses for the office and rushed down the apartment to the parking lot for her car. She drives a Mercedes which her boss had gifted to her when he found out she uses the bus to come to work. That was about three years ago.
It took her 30 minutes to get to work cuz of the heavy New York traffic.
She greeted her co-workers she met on her way to her office.
"Hi, Katrina good morning how was your weekend?" Asked Jordan her best friend and her co-worker.
"Hi, Jord, it's was cool, and yours?" She asked in reply.
"Mine was great I had fun, we were expecting you at Coral's birthday party but you never showed up," Jordan said.
"Yeah, I couldn't make it. I had errands to run over the weekend and I didn't get back till late at night. I sent her my wishes though." She explained.
"Sucks to be Lucas Secretary," Jordan replied
"No, Lucas is okay you just don't know him," Katrina said defending Lucas
"Yeah, you will defend him that's what you always do," Jordan said laughing
"I am not defending him I am just stating a fact."
"Whatever you say, lady," Jordan replied not convinced.
"I am serious."
"Yeah, I know you are. And I also know you like your boss." Jordan said with a knowing smile.
"Cut it out Jord, I knew I should never have told you that," Katrina replied.
"Come on girl I already figured that out you know, anyway, are you going to his sister Lilac's wedding she dropped an invite for everyone this morning."
"Of course I will be there, I can't miss it for the world I forgot to mention it to you, I am part of her bridal train." Katrina disclosed.
"Really? And you are just telling me girl we have a lot of talking to do it seems we are falling apart, so you keep things from me now?" Jordan asked looking at her with a disgusted look.
"It's not like that Jord and you know it."
"Whatever," he replied
"I am going the other way, so I will see you after work lady, we have a lot of talking to do. You have a lot of explanations to make." Jordan continued flipping his non-existent long hair and walking away before she could argue.
She has known Jordan for almost fifteen years now. Since he moved into her neighborhood. They hooked up to each other immediately and have been best friends since then. Jord and her had gone to the same high school, and also uni. And when they both graduated they had applied to the same company Jord as a designer while Kat, as an administrative assistant. Luckily they both got taken.
Katrina rode the elevator to the top floor where her office was located. The top floor was mainly for the directors and also there was a hall for international meetings.
Opening her office she hurriedly dropped her stuff and went to check if Lucas was around already. Most times he was always at the office before her no matter how early she comes. But today seems to be one of those rare days when she gets in before him because he was nowhere in the office.
She dropped the papers she had printed out on top of his desk and made her way back to her office. Her office was a small room attached to her boss's office it had a door and it's was like her own small world inside the big enormous office.
Just as she was about to sit down, she remembered she was supposed to get coffee from the company's cafe but her talk with Jord had distracted her and she had forgotten. The thought of going down back to get it didn't sound so appealing to her so she opts for hearing a head full from her boss on how much she should know that he needed coffee to function and all.
On second thought, she decided to go get it anyway. Going back down to the cafe was better than been scolded on a Monday morning.
"Katrina," came her boss's voice as he entered the office.
Well, guess she is gonna get the ear full whether she liked it or not. Preparing herself she turned to face her boss
"Good morning sir."
"Morning Katrina, I bought coffee" he greeted smiling.
Wow, that's a first she thought. Lucas smiling on a Monday morning and also bought coffee for both of them. In all her six and half years of working for him he has never bought them coffee it has always been her job.
Too stunned to talk she took the coffee he offered and muttered a thank you more to herself than to him.
He seems to be in a happy mood.
"What about the stuff I told you to check about on Saturday?" He asked.
"I printed it out, it on your desk." She replied.
"Good," he answered moving into his office. Katrina shifty followed behind him coffee in one hand and her Tab in the other hand.
"So what do we have this morning?" he asked as he sat down sipping his coffee.
"Not much." She replied dropping her coffee on the table and opening her tab to read out the day's schedule to him even though she knew he already knows more than half of it.
"By 10 AM, you have a meeting with the directors, after that, you have a meeting with the designing team. and by 3 pm you have another meeting with the investors from Dubai. That's all for today. And also your mom called that she will be sending someone down to take your measurement." Katrina disclosed.
"Hmmm. Cancel every other meeting except the ones with the investors from Dubai." He said in reply.
"Okay, sir. I will do that immediately. She answered.
" what about the measurement? " she asked.
"About that, I will call my mom," he replied.
"Okay, sir."
"I sent some files to your email, go through them and pick out the suitable ones and print them out. I need it before the end of today." Lucas instructed.
"Okay, sir." She replied.
"That's all, for now, you can go,"
he said picking up the papers she printed and scanning through them. Katrina picked up her coffee and moved back to her office.
She opened her email and saw that there were about four different p*f files sent to her she clicked on the first one and looked back at the office with a look of distaste.
"How does he want me to finish this before today ends?"
She muttered to herself. Glaring at the door that leads to his office. There he was sitting prettily sipping coffee while going through the file she already printed. His office was transparent. Except he closes the bindings which were left open most times.
Katrina concentrated on sorting through the files which contain applications of aspiring graduates who hope to work in the company. Evans Corporation is a large-scale business that has been around for about 40 years now it's was founded by Lucas's father who retired ten years ago.
The company mostly deals with real estate and management but after Lucas took over he had dived into another aspect. Hotel.
So far for the past six years since she had started working for him, he had acquired eight different hotels in eight different locations. His diving into other aspects had increased the company's output by almost a hundred percent.
He had great business sense and always knows what will profit him. So far since she started working for him he has never run at a loss. The man was a business genius. He made more money for the company since he started as the CEO and the Chairman of the company than his father made for the thirty years he was the chairman.
His dad who currently lives in Arizona with his wife and Lucas other siblings always talks with pride whenever he calls in to see Lucas. In his words.
"I never regretted handing over my company to you Lucas you did a great job. I am proud of you son."
Focusing more on what she was doing she didn't notice when her boss left the office. When she raised her head he was no longer seated or in the office.
"Would it kill him to at least say Katrina I am going out?" She asked herself.
She checked the time it was 12; 30pm. She had spent the past four hours looking through the applications and selecting the most suitable ones and also compiling them. She was almost halfway done. She will work for 30 minutes more then go for lunch she thought to herself as she went back to sorting.
When she raised her head again to check the time it was 1;20. "Okay time for lunch lady she told herself as she saved the work she had done and got up from her seat. Asking just her purse and her phone she worked out of her office and went into Lucas's office to make sure he wasn't in before closing the door and working out of the office towards the elevate. She has to be back in the office before 3 pm for the meeting with the Dubai investors. But for now, food was calling her name.
She is a food lover and never misses eating no matter how busy she is she always squeezes in time to eat.
Her motto was "food=life".
As she waited by the elevator her phone rang it was Jord.
" Hi Jord I am on my way down already order for me will you." She said as soon as she answered the phone.
"I am sorry Kat, I was calling to tell you I will be eating out with Kelvin, I am already out of the office."
"Oh, he is back already that nice," Katrina replied.
Kelvin is Jordan's boyfriend, and he has been away for a couple of weeks now.
"I am sorry Kat, I didn't know he will come back today he just showed up out of nowhere," Jordan said with a sorry voice over the phone.
"No, it's okay Jord have fun and say hi to Kel for me."
"Thanks, bestie, I love you." He said the sorry sound wiping out of his voice.
"Love you too," Katrina muttered.
"Bye see you soon. We still need to talk he added." He said and ended the call. Not even giving her the chance to reply. What a friend. Kat thought smiling.
"Okay, let's go get that lunch." She said to herself as she got into the elevator.
私は驚いて振り返った。朔也の瞳にある心痛の色は、溶かしきれないほど濃厚だった。「お前がいなくなってすぐに、気づいたんだ……」彼は子猫の話をして、目を真っ赤にして言った。「俺は奈々にときめいたと思い込んで、勝手に賢しらに分析したんだ。子供の頃の執着をお前に転嫁して、同情を愛だと勘違いしていたんだって。でもお前が何も言わずに去ったと知った時、俺は心臓が止まるほど痛かった……その時やっと分かったんだ。奈々に対する感情なんて……」彼は眉を寄せ、苦しげに唇を動かした。「ただのときめきの錯覚だった。妙な新鮮さを感じただけだった……俺が馬鹿だった。自分の選択は本心に従ったものだと信じ込んでいたのに……自分の心さえ見えていなかったなんて!」彼は突然激昂し、私の手を強く掴んだ。「詩織、本当に後悔してる。どうしてあんなに馬鹿だったんだろう、お前をあんなに傷つけて!今なら分かってもらえるだろう?俺は奈々を愛してなんかいなかった、心にはお前しかいないんだ!最初から最後まで!だから、俺たちはまだ元に戻れるよな?頼む、償うチャンスをくれ……詩織、愛してる、本当にお前なしじゃ生きていけない……」最後の言葉を言う頃には、朔也は泣き崩れていた。私は、支離滅裂に愛と不安、悔恨と謝罪を語る彼を聞きながら、いつの間にか涙がこぼれていた。私が身を引いて成就させたのに、彼は惨めな姿で私を追いかけてきた。奈々への愛は本物じゃなかったと言う。心には私しかいないと言う。あまりに理不尽で、笑えてくる。たとえ彼が本気だとしても、一年半遅れの「愛してる」に、今さら何の意味があるというの?「朔也、帰って」私は手を引き抜き、冷静に言った。その軽い一言が、氷の杭のように朔也をその場に釘付けにした。窓の外に広がる果てしない氷原を眺め、私は憑き物が落ちたように笑った。「最初は確かに逃げたかった。私が去れば、あなたたちは幸せになれると思って、ここに来た。でもここで過ごすうちに、この場所を知れば知るほど、自分の仕事を愛するようになったの。氷河の小さな気泡一つが新発見に繋がるかもしれないし、手の中のデータは私に安らぎをくれる……ここでは私の世界はとてもシンプルで、悩みもない。考えるのは気候、環境、生物の変化だけ。私はもう、本当に自分に合った生き方と、
南極は朔也が想像していたよりも遥かに広大で、恐ろしい場所だった。様々な極端な気象条件や突発的なブリザードのせいで、彼は毎回遠くまで行けずに、低体温症で真っ白な荒野に倒れ込んだ。意識が朦朧とする寒さの中で、彼は何度も自分に言い聞かせた。まだ詩織を見つけていない、このまま死ぬわけにはいかない……だからこそ、最後の力を振り絞って救難信号を発信することができた。後に、彼はこの方法が愚かで時間の無駄だと悟った。そして希望を別のルートに託した。探査隊の臨時後方支援スタッフなどに申請してみたが、すべて不採用に終わった。一年で、彼は見る影もなく痩せ細った。罪悪感、焦り、そして恋しさで。そんな時、元の上司が彼を訪ねてきた。この重要な取材プロジェクトを成功させれば、テレビ局に復帰させてやるというのだ。とっくに仕事への意欲を失い停職中だった彼は、それが南極最奥地の観測基地への取材任務だと聞いて、さらに尋ねた。あの二十年間のプロジェクトだと知った瞬間、彼は興奮のあまり気絶しそうになった。復職だの、記者の夢だの、そんなことはどうでもよかった!これは神がくれたチャンスだ。ようやく私に会える……ただ会いたかった。だが、どんなに焦がれても。ビザや煩雑な手続きで、さらに数ヶ月待たされた。ようやく砕氷船に乗った時、彼は嬉しさのあまり泣き崩れそうになった。それなのに今、私は彼に対してまるで他人のようだ。道中ずっと準備してきた言葉も、溢れるほどの思慕も心配も。一言も言い出せなかった……データ計算の合間に、何気なく窓の外を見た。朔也はまだ呆然とその場に立ち尽くしていた。彼の今回の目的が取材なのか別なことなのかは知らないし、何を考えているのかも見当がつかない。まあ、私には関係のないことだ。「詩織、とにかく、まずは謝らせてほしい」翌日、朔也はそんな言葉から切り出した。私は驚かなかった。昨夜、微弱なネット回線を使って古いメールボックスを開いたからだ。そこは彼と奈々からの……謝罪メールで埋め尽くされていた。一年半の間、ほぼ途切れることなく、字句の端々が切実で悲痛だった。奈々に至っては、私がS市を離れてU国の合宿に参加した直後にメールをくれていた。彼女は確かに朔也に心を動かされた
極夜の南極の星空。それはおそらく、地球上で最も衝撃的な美しさだ。無数に散らばる星々は、鋭利なダイヤモンドのようだ。息をのむほど美しい。分厚い防寒服に身を包み、マイナス数十度の極寒の中。一日の氷河脈動の記録作業を終えた。疲れ切って顔を上げると、この満天の星空が目に入る。つい、もう少し外に座っていたくなる。こうして一人で座っている時。私は大抵何も考えない。でもたまに、例えば今日のように。過去のことを思い出すこともある。思い出すと、胸の奥がまだ少し痛む。けれど、私がかつて最も愛した二人が、ようやく何の憂いもなく、堂々と一緒になれたのだと思えば。もう私の好みに合わせる必要もなく、二人が大好きな激辛ラーメンを思いっきり食べられるのだと思えば、私に付き合って退屈な図書館で一日を潰す必要もなく、もっと面白いことができるのだと思えば。私はまた、憑き物が落ちたような笑みを浮かべるのだ。「瀬戸さん、ちょっと来て!極地センターが南極探査隊員を訪問する企画を立ててね、メディアの記者がもう向かってるんだ。彼らと何を話すか、急いで打ち合わせしよう!」基地長の言葉に、私は一瞬きょとんとして、思わず失笑した。ここは毎年観光客に開放される、ペンギンが見られる南極半島ではない。南極内陸の、現在最も僻地にある場所だ。ナビゲーターの案内があったとしても、いつ暴風雪が襲ってくるか分からない氷床の上を、何日もかけて苦難の行軍をしなければ辿り着けない。ここにある観測基地も、当然ながら条件は最も過酷だ。記者か……仕事を全うしたいのは分かるけど、わざわざこんな苦労をしなくても……それに、無事にここまで来られるかどうかも大きな問題だ。だから私は口では返事をしつつ、気にも留めていなかった。まさか。五時間後、本当にその記者に会うことになるなんて。さらにまさか、隊長に連れられて入ってきた、明らかに体力を消耗しきって、帽子の縁やゴーグルに霜をつけたその姿が、白石朔也だなんて。なぜ彼が……どうして彼なの?私はショックで彼を見つめた。彼が他の隊員と簡単に挨拶を交わすのを。そしてフードを脱ぎ、私の方へ一歩一歩近づいてきて、半メートル手前で立ち止まるのを。「詩織……」「取材の件でしたら基地長にお願いしま
少年は三晩、寝返りを打ち続けた。四日目、あらゆる手を尽くして彼女を見つけ出した。彼は彼女のそばをうろつき始めた。なりふり構わず彼女に尽くした。不器用だが、真剣だった。少女は最初、強く拒絶した。だが次第に、彼に微笑みかけるようになり、彼がバスケで腕を擦りむくと心底痛ましそうな表情を見せるようになった。朔也だって恋愛小説くらい読んだことがある。理由もなく誰かを守りたいと思うこと、これが愛なのだと思った。だから、告白した。だから、誓った。一生守ると。そうして六年が過ぎた。彼は常に壊れやすい宝石を扱うように、細心の注意を払って彼女を守ってきた。誰もが彼を理想の彼氏だと言い、彼もそれを誇りに思っていた。あの日、ステージの上で、いつも「うるさい」と煙たがっていた少女を見るまでは。彼女が誇り高い白鳥のように舞うのを見て。彼は突然、心の中に小さな花が静かに咲いたような気がした。その瞬間、冷や汗が吹き出した。間違っていた。何もかも間違っていた。まさか……これが本当の「ときめき」というやつなのか?じゃあ詩織は……どういうことなんだ?その夜、夢に出てきた子猫が答えをくれた。もしかしたら最初から、自分は詩織を、あの少年時代に連れて帰れなかった哀れな子猫と重ねていたのかもしれない。同じ恐怖と無力感。同じ孤立無援。八歳の時、彼は両親の決定になす術がなかった。再び「同類」に出会った時、彼は何があっても手を離さないと固く決意した。彼女のために両親と対立し、一年間冷戦状態を続けてまで交際を認めさせたのも、少年時代の抵抗の続きに過ぎなかったのかもしれない。そして詩織の生い立ちと運命はあまりに悲惨で、彼の同情心を爆発させ、温もりを与えたいと思わせた……要するに、自分は六年間、詩織を子猫として飼っていたのだ。幼少期の欠落を埋め合わせるために。それだけのことだった。だが本当の恋愛は、そういうものではない。彼は無意識に二人の少女を比較し始めた。詩織はいつも静かで寡黙、敏感で脆い。長年彼女の顔色を伺い続けるのは、正直疲れることもあった。それに比べて奈々の明るさ、奔放さ、意気軒昂な姿、美しく余裕のある態度は……それこそが、自分のが本当に好きなタイプなのではないか?
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