Best Dark Jokes Novels & Stories

I ask him. “By how much he is coffin,” Max laughs. “That is far worse than my joke, and I’m telling Jasper,” I laugh with him. “I think we should have a night dedicated to the worst joke teller, and we can all put forward our worst jokes,” he tells me. I think it’s a great idea; we should have silly nights together to help us bond. I continue laughing as the Lycan Kingdom comes into view, and we can see a large gathering of people.

His booming voice filled the air with glee, As he entertained us, setting spirits free. "Let's say old time jokes, shall we?" Chants of 'yes' sounded around the room. "Did you hear about the vampire who opened a bakery? He got into a lot of trouble because his cakes were always too bloody." The room erupted with laughter, a joyful sound, As we all shared in the mirth that went around. Stephanie chimed in with a witty remark, Adding to the humor, making the atmosphere spark. "Alpha Darwin, have you heard the one about the talking dog?

The seating arrangements were quite tricky but we still ended up at a good seat. And soon, the show started. "Hello everyone, my name is Justin and I'm your comedian for today." He said and the crowd roared with applause. "So something happened to me a week ago that I want to share with you lot." He began. "My girlfriend dog died and I got her another one but she was upset." "I asked her why.." "And she screamed - what would I do with two dead dogs?" Justin said and the crowd roared with laughter. I laughed too. I've always found dark humor funny anyways. I looked to my side where Eve sat but she didn't seem amused at all.

Okay, this shit got to stop, maybe I should try a joke or something? “Hello triple Ds” I say chuckling awkwardly and they just stand there not knowing what to say. “you know, because the names of the three of you starts with a D” I explain my bad joke. “Yah we got it” Dylan says with a fake chuckle, okay, maybe that joke can still be saved. “I’m a double D myself” I say laughing liking my own joke and all their eyes instantly go to my breasts. I choke in my laughter when Derek lets out an angry growl and I sink further inside my hoodie while Dylan starts counting the specks of dust on the floor and Dean find the light fixtures very interesting all of a sudden.

Oh my God, this is so abso-fucking-massively cool, as massive as an elephant's balls: I found the vampire's weakness. "Aww, you want him to call you his daddy, don't you?" I wiggle my eyebrows and glance over my shoulder to wink at the man who wants to kill me about a thousand times more than he wanted when he arrived. "Come on, be a big boy, DeAmes, grip your big boy panties and call the blood sponge your daddy; he's waiting." Side note: these three are fucking boring. I'm on the roll today, delivering the best jokes ever, and none of them acknowledges my effort. Fucking boomers.

Dark replied with a grin, full of confidence and a hint of teasing. “Siiir… come on, it’s me again?! I haven’t even had a chance to rest yet, Sir… I haven’t slept at all… Maybe you forgot that I was the one who went to get the seafood for Ma’am Roxane!” Drick complained jokingly, scratching his head. “Hey… don’t forget that I’m your boss here. The nerve of you to complain!” Dark teased back, smiling, his tone playful. “Sir really can’t take a joke,” Drick replied, clearly giving up on out-teasing his boss.

~Derek's Point of View~ My best friend was the only one outside of Eve and Haven that knew about my night in the dark. I walked out of the hotel a little after 5 am and drove home, ready to bang on the apartment door below mine and wake his ass up. Heath of course thought I was nuts, that I could have easily just met a girl on a dating site for this fantasy and not had to pay $10k for it. We had both been single a very long time, both played the field, but both always came up with superficial women.

Heavy with shit we weren’t saying. I cleared my throat. “Alright. That’s enough depressing hospital talk. You know what would really make my day better?” He glanced at me, brows raised. “A really dumb joke.” Andrew blinked. Then tilted his head a little, lips twitching like he was fighting a smile. “A dumb joke?” I nodded, lips curving around the cigarette still hanging from my mouth. “Come on. Hit me.” He gave me a look—half skeptical, half amused. “Fine. What do you call a sad strawberry?”

“Jesse, my man, which is why I’m encouraging you to talk some more! It doesn’t have to be about anything life changing. If you were me I’d say crack a joke but I don’t know if you even know any jokes.” “I know jokes.” His face lit up. “Oh yes? Tell me one then.” “Can you guess what the therapist said when I told my therapist I’m scared of dying alone? “Uh, no what?” “He said, “Most people don’t die with the company,” I said, chuckling. “Get it?” Rain looked at Matt. “Matt, am I supposed to laugh at that?” “Ideally someone is supposed to laugh when they tell a joke,” Matt said with a sigh. “Jesse, what have I told you about your morbid jokes?”

They're so happy that their little Blake didn't change despite having some mental issues. "Hey, you piece of lollipop! Do you have a plan of crashing our sexy bodies down!" The guy with specifically light brown hair on his left side chuckled. "yeah, I know I know! Everyone misses me cause I'm a living handsome!" He says as he pulls out from the hug. "Yeah, I agree! I'm a living god of handsome flesh!" Mino cheers while laughing at Blake's amused look on them, "don't you want to invite us!?" He asked.