Betty White Bloopers Novels & Stories

I entered the bathroom, taking my bath immediately. "Hey, bitch!" Betty said loudly at my back, making me quiver. I smiled, turning fully to her. "Wow, you got nice round boobs," she said, my eyes widening, and I quickly turned. "Heyyy, you shouldn't say that, crazy girl!" I said, almost choking, as I heard her laugh. "Has anyone squashed those pumpkins before?" I heard her asking, still laughing. I shook my head in disbelief. "Betty!!" I shouted, making her laugh hard. I heard Mara laughing too. "You guys should stop the noise; your voices are annoying," Bella said, opposite me, making me scoff and roll my eyes.

“What letter?” Evelyn walked to the table, picked it up, and handed it over with shaky fingers. Betty read in silence, her smirk slowly fading, her brows beginning to draw together. By the time she reached the end, her face had hardened—not out of pride this time, but realization. A flicker of discomfort crossed her features. “…Well, she’s dramatic,” Betty muttered, trying to shrug it off. “I mean, it’s not like we—” “Enough, Betty!” Evelyn snapped, her voice rising with unfiltered emotion. “You and I both know what we did. We humiliated her. Lied. Manipulated. Drive her out of this house like a criminal!”

I’m insulted, “What the hell kind of proposal is that? You go all out for a birthday, but for the most important question of your life, you just blurt it out? I deserve so much better, Tony Spartan!” Betty busts out laughing. Bill hits Tony on the back, laughing. “That was a 'No',” Betty laughs. “That was a 'Hell No',” Bill is holding his side, laughing so hard.

"Of course, I want to, maybe, I could do that too." "Greg!" Whitney calls in frustration. "Sorry, let's go back to the game." Gregory changes the topic. "Good, ten things that Betty does when she is angry?" George smile. "One, she scattered the room, two; she didn't talk to me; three; she sighed almost every given second, four; she spoils the meal with too much salt; five, she stayed in the bathtub all day, six; she changed into different wears; seven; she bites her finger, the little one to be specific, eight; she goes to bed with her complete wears, nine; she sleeps on top of me, ten, she chews on my hand like they are food, eleven..." Betty covers her face, and Cathy hits George.

I was suffering here and all my best friend could do was laugh because I farted, like who doesn't fart? I buried my head in my pillow and cried. I cannot lose Ethan to this witch, that poor filthy thing can't take him from me. I prefer losing him to a top model than to that thing. “I have an idea but I don't know how it might sound to you.” Betty said, she kept biting her lower lip, clearly fighting the urge to laugh and that shit was beginning to annoy the hell out of me. “Get out of here!” I yelled at her. “Fine I will but hear me out first.” She rolled her eyes.

When they reached the top, the elevator doors opened, and a woman with dishevelled hair lunged at them. She had sharp nails and aimed straight at Bianca. Instinctively, Frost stepped in, and the woman let out a scream, falling backward, her eyes wide and mouth gaping, like a black hole, seemingly bottomless. It was Betty! Frost and Bianca were startled and quickly went to check on her. Unexpectedly, Betty bent her body backward, and her head hit her buttocks, then she let out an unusually long breath and died. Betty's death was so horrific and bizarre that even the experienced Frost was stunned.

“But I called you here to apologize to you.” I stared at her in surprise. That wasn’t what I was expecting at all. “Sorry?” “I realized that coming at you the way I did was very unprofessional,” she said. “I acted impulsively on an unconfirmed news. Also, it’s your personal life and I shouldn’t have meddled. For that, I’m sorry.” Nurse Betty didn’t seem the type to express remorse which made me wonder what her reason for apologizing to me was, because there was no way she was giving me a genuine apology.

She finally admitted. "I meet people all the time, Betty. Sometimes I find them attractive, and I sleep with them. Other times, they show me their struggling I*******m accounts and it gives me the ick." I said dryly. Betty snorted in amusement. She reached over to the bowl in front of me, grabbed a few chicken nuggets, and then arranged them on top of her half eaten pizza slice. "You honestly do the weirdest things, and then have the audacity to call me odd." I told her. A look of shock plastered on my face. Betty giggled. She put a hand over her mouth, and then beat on her chest gently.

This was already strike two against me as far as everyone else was concerned. With my gaze straightforward and averted from all of my superiors, I heard Master Wade groan under his breath. He was bored. “And what is it that she did that was so out of uniform, Betty? “ Master Wade asked. “It-it was in the corner acting inappropriately! That’s what it was doing!” It, she was using the word quite venomously. “You cannot even explain what she was doing to provoke you so?” Master Wade hissed. “Wh-well, what does it matter!?” Nurse Betty finally snapped. “I-the gopher was not standing in the corner like it was supposed to! That is what its job is, for goddess’ sake! And you!” She snapped.

“There was this corporate gala where the music playlist went completely wrong. Instead of classy jazz it started playing old 90s dance songs at full volume. The CEO ended up doing the Macarena on stage in his expensive suit. I thought I was fired for sure, but they loved it. Turned the whole night into a party. The client still sends me Christmas cards every year.” I smiled, genuinely. “Sounds like you turned a mistake into something better. That’s a good skill to have. I wish I was better at rolling with things like that. I tend to overthink everything.” Betty brought our food then, setting the plates down with a warm smile. “Here you go, you two. Pancakes for the captain and eggs for the l