Dark Humor Dad Jokes

“Our marriage is nothing but a signature on a contract” he said glaring at her. “Don’t flatter yourself too much, Romanov. I don’t want this marriage either, however, if it would benefit my family; then I would sign the bloody paper” she said glaring back at him. ******************** He was a ruthless Russian Pakhan, and she was an English Don’s daughter, and their marriage was the ONLY way to ensure peace between the two rivaling families.

Their marriage has been written in the stars. Three generations have waited for the union of the two families. But now it is time. Everyone is giddy with excitement, well, all except one. The groom. Feeling abandoned by his reluctant attitude towards their proposed wedding his future bride seeks comfort in the arms of his nephew. A tug of war ensues for Chloe's heart. To do her duty or chase a brand new love? All Chloe Black wants is a lover to call her own, what she steps foot in is a world that can claim her life instead.

Anateya Berretta had her entire life mapped out. Get good grades, get her MBA, and take over her papi's security company as his sole heir. However, papi messed up and now she was a bargaining chip held hostage by New York's No. 1 Mafia Lord. It certainly didn't help that she'd met the man before, and yearned for him like no other. Romero Bartolone was at the peak of his rule when he lost his favorite casino in an organized attack. Now he was out one billion, with countless elitists jonesing for the returns on their backdoor investment. She was only supposed to be a hostage, but he couldn't stay away from the alluring light inside her that called to his darkness. First things first, a debt was owed-- and if someone had to pay-- why not her? Besides, she was entangled in the game of the underground now, and he was the only monster who could keep her safe. Still, with dangers lurking all around, they remain vulnerable in the most high-stakes game of all, the game of hearts. And he'd burn the world... so as long as he didn't lose. [Nb: This is a dark romance book intended for mature audiences. Reader's discretion is advised.] No. of Chapters To Be Released: ~50

☆Glimpse☆ "Just forget whatever happened between us in these day's and burying it all move on in your life. I don't think whatever happened had any meaning or name but a mere mistake. Get back in your life and be happy with your fiance while I'll get back in my life as well. Bye!!", he read the letter and blood draws in his eyes. Never ever did he thought the beautiful dream he always fascinated and wished to be true will be nothing for her. She like a piece of tissue paper used me, played with my emotions, gave me hundreds of reasons to live and now asks to move on. Am I a bloody joke? Or my love is? "No... I won't let this happen. I won't let you move on so easily and forget whatever happened between us. You are mine and you need to know that. You can't get away from me so easily after all this!", he oaths. ____________________ I loved him from the time I was a teen and today when I have this opportunity to confess it I made it look like nothing. I named it as 'Nothing but a mistake' and now it's piercing my heart out. I can't even imagine a day without looking at him or taking his name but I asked him to stay away and move on. The letter I wrote was just to make things easy for him and I hope he does so. But still I wish a little in my heart that he doesn't and comes back to me, running in my arms. . . . ******** It's a story of two forbidden lover's, who are dying to be together but are bound in their own boundaries.

She had everything she always hoped for — a loving boyfriend, great parents, and a trustworthy best friend. Or so she thought. Emily had always hoped that Dorian, her boyfriend, would be her mate. On her eighteenth birthday and the day she ought to find her mate, she was found dead in her room. How she died and who murdered her was a great mystery. What happens when Emily is given another chance to live? Another chance to get those sweet and caring vibes away from her. A chance to get her revenge on the people that murdered her? But it seems all more complicated when she meets Alpha Roman, the Alpha of Red Creed Pack. He is her real mate and Emily is willing to use him to get her revenge.

It started out with a marriage. A simple contract signed, one where no feelings were involved, and no strings attached. A small business deal. But when their love conquers even the mafia's darkest desire of revenge. Things start taking a different path. One which would draw both the fate, and a line of the loving couple. Both Eliana and Vladimir Romanov would be forced into a war like no other. It is one of power, strength, and money. Against a man who not only wanted their dynasty’s place, but wanted them gone for good. The man was ruthless, powerful, deceitful, and he was willing to do everything for a spec of power. And remember, the Mafia's world only has one rule "there is no rule to follow when it comes to power" Would they be able to do what it takes? Will their love strive to survive through it all? Or would both crumble under it?

"Not because men dumped you countless times, you'll gonna dumped me as part of your revenge. Tandaan mo kasal tayo, sa ayaw at sa gusto mo ako ang end game mo!" -Xavier- It was supposed to be a simple favor - pretend to be his lawful and loving wife until her twin sister gets back. But when Xavier Oxford - a drop-dead gorgeous billionaire with eight-pack abs enters her room and demands her duty in bed, she instantly forgets that she was just pretending to be his wife. ***** No one would even realize the difference between Avigail and Avery Alfonzo - the naughty twin sisters. All her life, Avigail "Avi" Alfonzo only wanted three things-- freedom to live her life to the fullest; success in her profession as an artist; and continue switching identities with her twin sister as a form of their escape. Not until her twin sister Avery left the country and ask her to pretend to be the wife of her husband -Xavier Oxford. He's known as the epitome of perfection, a snob, and a business tycoon at a young age. But Avi never liked her twin's husband. However, that changed when she had to pretend to be his wife. His touch can easily make her delirious. His kisses make her squirm in pleasure. And his stares, searing her very soul, could make her forget how to act without getting caught. Can Avigail fool him like how she fooled the others? Or would Xavier catch her off-guard, and see the woman behind her pretentious face?

Gianna Benton, a woman who came from a great family, a family with ancient history, had always lived a life that's overshadowed by her younger sister, Quinn. After her unfair death with her unborn baby at the hands of the man she loved, Gianna got reborn. Now with the opportunity to live again, Gianna rejects her mate and gives herself to alpha Axel, falling into an unexpected contract marriage. Both plans to use each other, and falling in love isn't part of the deal for them. Gianna plans to get her revenge on her former lover, alpha Nathan, who killed her in the past because of her younger sister, but surprisingly to her, alpha Nathan wants his mate back, and Gianna is determined not to let the past repeat itself. —------------------------------------------------ "Is this hell?" "Gianna, what's wrong with you? I know that you are excited, but you need to stop acting weird." Mom said. I reach out my hands to touch her face, but she slaps my hands away. This is real, I thought. Somehow, I have gone back in time to the day I got married to Alpha Nathan. "I need to take a picture of you, but I can't do it without your sister. Wait here for me while I go get your sister." Mom left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My hands formed a fist in anger as I thought of Quinn and Alpha Nathan. I don't know how I have traveled back to the past, but I'm not going to let myself make the same mistake I did in my past life; I'm not getting married to alpha Nathan. No matter what, I need to put a stop to this wedding.

Kei and Shima who were again hiding behind the bushes in the backyard in a state of fear. "Kei .. I want to go home. " - Shima "Shut up stupid. Later they will hear. " - Kei "I -I'm scared. " - Shima "Shh .. I said shut up! " - Kei The sound of breathing was too loud behind Kei and Shima. They both turned their heads slowly with fear. A large black shadow with its sharp teeth stared at them both sharply. "Shimaa! Run!! " - Kei "I want to go homeee !!! " - Shima They both ran as hard as they could without looking back. The big monster had chased Shima and Kei until the sirens sounded from afar. The giant stopped chasing Kei and Shima and went straight back to their house.

Berawal mendapat iming pekerjaan di kota, justru memosisikan diriku nyaris menjadi santapan para buaya darat. Terjebak di dalam sebuah kamar bersama 5 pria asing membuatku kehilangan harapan. Demi menghilangkan penat usai bekerja, mereka yang berkuasa menghamburkan uang demi mereguk kepuasan walau dengan jalan maksiat. Sekarang, aku harus dinikahi salah satu di antara mereka. Bagaimana mungkin ini bisa terjadi?