Dark Humor Dad Jokes

My parents, Morris Lester and Andrea Smith, got a divorce. My younger brother, Ian Lester, goes with my mother, who marries into money, while I stay with my father, who has just gone bankrupt. However, fate has a twisted sense of humor. My mother remarries Mark Laurent, an abusive man, and her life spirals downward. My father, on the other hand, pulls himself together and builds a successful business from the ground up. Ian becomes green with jealousy. He pretends to be pitiful, begs me to take him shopping, and drives us straight into a car crash that kills us both. When I open my eyes again, we're back on the day our parents file a divorce. This time, Ian pipes up, "I want to stay with Dad and make a better life together!" I keep a straight face, but deep down, I'm over the moon. I, Ethan Lester, refuse to spend another lifetime living like a fugitive.

Ang kasal ni Lori ay tumagal lamang ng isang gabi. Matapos ang isang gabing puno ng init at pagnanasa, ang kanyang asawang si Russel ay biglang naglaho para sa isang "business trip." Naiwan si Lori na may hawak lamang na mapait na alaala at isang sakit na ikinakahiya niyang sabihin sa iba… ang nymphomania. Sa loob ng ilang buwan, pilit niyang nilalabanan ang matinding pagnanasa ng katawan na unti-unting lumalamon sa kanyang kaisipan. Pero hindi siya nag-iisa gaya ng inaakala niya… Matagal nang pinagnanasaan ni Weston Revamonte ang kanyang manugang, ngunit alam niyang off-limits ito… hanggang sa isang gabi, ang isang basong may droga ang nagpabago sa lahat. Ngayon, ang namumuong init sa pagitan nilang dalawa ay isang lihim na maaaring sumira sa dangal at legacy ng pamilya Revamonte. Sa pagkawala ni Russel, handa si Weston na punan ang pagkukulang nito sa buhay ni Lori.

“ถ้าไม่อยากสัก...เธอจะกลืนฉันแทนก็ได้” เสียงทุ้มต่ำกระซิบข้างใบหู ขณะที่ปลายนิ้วของเขาไล้วนตรงกลางเรียวขาเธอ พร้อมเสียงเครื่องสักที่ยังสั่นครืดอยู่ข้างลำตัว เขาไม่ได้มาขอรอยสักธรรมดา เขาต้องการ "รอยที่ไม่มีวันลบออก" และร่างกายของเธอ...ก็คือผืนผ้าที่เขาเลือกจะจารึกมันไว้ คืนเดียว กลายเป็นพันธะตลอดชีวิต และเมื่อเธอยอมให้เขา ‘สักตรงด้านในต้นขา’ เธอก็ไม่มีทางหนีจากเขาได้อีกเลย “อ๊ะ...เดี๋ยว...ฉันจะเสร็จ” “ก็เสร็จไปสิ...แตกใส่นิ้วฉัน ตอนที่เข็มมันกดชื่อฉันลงในตัวเธอ” “จำไว้ เด็กดี เครื่องนี้ไม่ใช่ของเธอ ร่างเธอก็เหมือนกัน”

He is Lt. Col. Adrian Drake Rodriguez, a member of a military force abroad. Two significant things happened to him upon his return to the Philippines. First, the woman who ended up with him inside his car. They were trapped in the vehicle due to a violent storm and the fierce blows of the wind. It was a night of enchantment between the two of them. But the next morning, she was gone—leaving behind no trace except her name, Faye, and the beautiful memory of what transpired between them that stormy night inside his car. Second, his attempt to reconcile with his own father ended in another heated argument. The fight pushed him to return overseas and accept a mission where survival was uncertain. Two years later, he received a call from his uncle, asking him to become the head of security at his father’s mansion and serve as his personal bodyguard, after receiving numerous death threats. Even his father pleaded for his help—for the safety of his only grandchild. Only then did Adrian discover that the mother of the grandchild was none other than Faye—the same woman he had shared that unforgettable night with, and now the wife of the man he despised the most. He accepted his father’s request for one reason—Faye. An intense obsession grew inside him, fueled by the memory of their past. He fell for her in the darkest part of their intertwined fates. Until he discovered something that intensified his desire to take Faye away from the man she married. He was willing to face death itself just to reclaim what he believed was rightfully his.

**This is the sequel to University of Love. It can be read as a stand alone book. ** Ember has grown up believing she had no wolf, magic or dragon. Her twin, Ash, on the other hand has had it all. Deciding it best to transfer to a human high school, she ends up meeting her mate, a hybrid just like her. Her mate brings out her dormant wolf, causing Ember's life to unravel. She thought she would be happier once she got her wolf, instead her life has only gotten more complicated. Having been decieved before, Ember has a hard time accepting the mate bond. Can she overcome her past to find happiness with her mate? What happens when a siren comes into play? Can she stay the course and accept her mate? *********************** I went to grab the microscope from the center of the table at the same time Toni did. Our hands touched and my head started to ring loudly... a terrible headache brewed. Where his hand touched mine felt like fireworks had gone off. My hairs stood on my arms, goosebumps ran through me.  I grabbed my head from all the ringing. It was so loud and strong. I squeezed at my temples, wincing at the pain.  "Mate." Toni's wolf said so silently, I almost didn't hear it.  I started getting dizzy, my head was spinning, and my vision was tunneling. Can I have a mate? I don't even have a wolf. Shouldn't he be with someone with someone that does?  "Ember?" His voice rang in my ear, but it was too late. I was falling out of my chair, passing out. I felt him catch me before I hit the floor, his touch sent fireworks through me, before the darkness took me.

After lights-out, I make my roommates play with an Ouija board with me. Being the scaredy-cat she is, my roommate decides to ask something stupid, "Where did my earphones go?" I almost burst out laughing. I can't believe she's using it to find her earphones. To our surprise, the planchette starts to move. It spells out, "It's under your bed beside the eye." We exchange glances in confusion. What eye? I snort and get out of bed. Using my phone's flashlight, I check under the bed. Nothing is there. Before I can make fun of my roommate for being superstitious, the door slams open. The student who stays next door barges into our room, her face as pale as a sheet. Her voice trembles as she shouts, "Wake up! Everyone on campus is going wild! Someone found an eyeball in our dorm!"

In a bleak future, the man with everything wants one more thing. Her. Tiernan is a man with everything, and he’s not used to being denied what he wants. When he sees Madison from a distance, he makes the arrogant decision to take her. Her family needs her, but she has little choice except to become the Commander’s new companion, albeit reluctantly. Life in the hub of power isn’t what she expects, and neither is Tiernan. He’s dark and demanding, but there are flashes of tenderness that have her falling for the man she glimpses inside the cold and exacting commander of their territory. Which Teirnan is the real one—the tyrant or the tender lover? At first, it seems impossible that she could ever be happy with the man who forced her to give up her life, but feelings grow between them. Their relationship reaches a fragile new level that could deepen to something neither expected, if betrayal and treason don’t separate the lovers.

Ipinagbili si Elaris Vaeloria ng sarili niyang ama sa makapangyaring pamilyang Montefalco— at doon, tuluyan siyang  nawala sa mundo ng kalayaan at dangal. Ginapos ng utos, kontrol, at takot, natutunan niyang ang bawat sandaling malaya ay may kapalit. Sa gitna ng sakit at pagdududa, matapos iligtas ay tumakas siya kay Damian Vossryn, naniniwalang lahat ng kapangyarihan ay nagdudulot ng pagkawasak. Pero nagbaho si Damian. Ang halimaw na kinatatakutan ng mundo ay natutong maramdaman... ang pagmamahal. At nang muling pagtagpuin sila ng tadhana, hindi na niya hinihingi ang pagsuko ni Elaris— ang puso na niya ang kaniyang nais. Ngunit sa mundong pinaghaharian ng dugo at lihim, may puwang pa ba ang pag-ibig na marupok... o nakatadhana rin itong masira?

Kehidupan Abigail Anderson hancur tatkala seorang wanita datang pada ayahnya, James Anderson dan mengaku mengandung bayi pria itu. Sejak saat itu masalah demi masalah datang silih berganti hingga ibunya yang kala itu sedang mengandung, mengalami depresi dan harus dirawat di rumah sakit jiwa dan ayahnya mengalami kelumpuhan otak. Abigail yang menjadi anak yatim piatu kemudian dirawat oleh adik dari ayahnya, Alex Anderson dan istrinya Alona Anderson dengan penuh cinta. Mereka merubah identitas asli Abby dan menjadikannya seperti anak kandung mereka. Waktu terus berlalu, Abby remaja tumbuh menjadi wanita sukses dan memiliki pengaruh juga cerdas. Dengan misi balas dendam, ia kembali ke kehidupan lamanya dan mulai menjalankan rencana, mencari adik kandungnya sekaligus mencari tahu identitas orang yang telah menghancurkan kebahagiaan keluarganya. Bertemu dengan pria yang merupakan rival bisnisnya, Zachary, perlahan Abby mengetahui hubungan pria tersebut dengan orang yang telah menghancurkan kebahagiaan keluarganya. Ketika dihadapkan pada cinta dan dendam, manakah yang akan menang pada akhirnya?

Rachel led a boring life. That is, until she woke up dead. With no guidance and no support (besides her only friend), Rachel began to navigate her new lifestyle. In death, she finally began to live. Learning to be a new member of undead would be challenging enough, but Rachel was determined to track down the man who turned her. A bit obsessed, in fact. What reason did he have to murder her? Poor self control? Bored? The reasons really did not matter any more because soon she planned to end his (undead) life.